My H has always hated having close neighbors, hated rules and regulations pertaining to what you could do with your property, and has never liked Yuppies. Now he is living in a condo with a very Yuppie OW. It is hard to believe that he has changed so much.<P>I was thinking about when we were first together - he got involved in a hobby that I was interested in, started eating more like me, and even gave up his job and moved half way across the country with me. Except for the moving, I didn't ask him to do any of these things. I don't remember changing much at all at that time, although much later, we both developed new interests, many of them mutual.<P>So many people have said that the OP was not at all their spouse's "type". I am wondering if it is typical of betrayers, during the "in-love" phase, to be willing to give up large pieces of their personality, and to be willing to go along with anything the OP wants - and is this willingness to at least temporarily transform yourself to suit someone else more characteristic of betrayers than it is of people who don't betray. Are they more easily influenced, and is this perhaps because of low self-esteem?

Unfortunately the changes my H made because of the OW are good changes (well some of them). She is a manager of a health food store and he's become somewhat of a health nut.<P>I really feel stupid suggesting that he not do "healthy things" and stay out of the health food store (not hers; she's cross-country) because of my triggers.<P>"Gee honey, please don't drink soy milk because.... uh...."<P>"Gee, don't do yoga because...."<P>"No, I won't eat soy (even though it's supposed to be great for perimenapausal women) because uh...."<P>Too bad a good change is a bad trigger.<P>------------------<BR>RobinAnn<P>*********<P>Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!

Robin Ann, {{{hugs}}}<P>Hi Nellie,\<BR>My x did the same things. He went with an older uglier woman. He went with a friend of mine who was a real ditz, (and he claimed he didn't like her.) He was very prejudiced, and we are white - and finally left me for a beautiful black lady - who was more "into God" than me! He was lying to her completely about our relationship, and she was so naive, she bought it - hook line and sinker.<BR> <BR>He ended up marrying the beautiful black lady, and they ended up split up 2 years after that, divorced the following year. Now her and I are friends in the Lord???? (Boy God has a way of healing hearts!)<P>I think they do something totally different because they aren't sure if they are settling for the right lifestyle. I would say your husband is experiencing midlife to boot.