I posted this on the infidelity board, too.
<br>Yesterday I had lunch with a friend whom I had confided a bit in. I told him everything going on with me and my W execept for her affair. My W always asked if he knew, and I said no. She would always tell me to tell him, if I felt I had to. She said she would not mind.
<br>So, yesterday, the conversation with him directed towards affairs. He thought I had one. After denying that, I told him about my wife. He was so accepting of it. Understanding is the word. He is a close friend to both of us, and it showed.
<br>So, when I got home, I decided to tell my W that I told him. I felt that I should be honest with her. That any chance in our marriage had to be based upon truth. So, when I told her, she yelled THANKS, and did not talk to me. Went to bed. I told her that I wanted to give her the truth, but she obviously can't handle it.
<br>This is the first person, ouside of the three involved, that knows. I know my W is terrified that others (especially her family and our kids) will find out.
<br>This makes me wonder what "TRUTHS" she is holding back from me?

Bill,
<p>This thing of trying to be totally truthful has confusing consequences. Like yourself I have determined that everything I do with or towards my wife now must be as sincere and truthful as I can make it. In my mind there is no other choice if I am to make real changes.
<br>Yet things seem worse in a sense. She seems to be getting even more distant. I place no demands on her. Today she stayed home from work. I asked why and she said she just does not feel great, and I know it's nothing physical. Yet she said I did nothing to push her. I was relieved to hear that because I've been doing everything but reading about Houdini to restrain myself.
<br>I think that truthful actions force a decision on their parts. I'm wondering if it pushes them out of a zone of indecisiveness (which may have become a sort of perverse comfort zone) before they want to leave it. Like someone pulling you out of bed in the morning before you want to get up.
<br>Just speculations on my part. But I've noticed that the more truthful and forthright I try to be the more confusing her actions are to me.

Bruce,
<br>You are correct about the consequences. I think that they have been holding back the truth about their feelings and issues for so long, they are not ready to be truthful in expressing themselves.
<br>When my wife told me it was OK to tell my friend, she probably did not really want me to. But, she said it anyway because it was the RIGHT thing to do. Again, she might have been thinking that I should KNOW what she really wanted. Again, untold expectations. Also, by my telling her the truth, it may have put pressure on her to tell me things she is not ready to yet. I think I am saying the same thing you posted.
<br>Today, she has called me several times. To say hello, and ask about things. No animosity. I wonder what will happen when I get home?
<br>Keep up the good work. We are doing the right thing!

Did you ever consider that she slept with your friend????It sure sounds like it to me....she wanted you to tell him and then got mad when you did b/c she decided that she didnt want to bring it out in the open....hmmmmI would ask her...