My husband gets so defensive with any and all disagreements. A wall automatically goes up and he turns everything into being my fault. "You should..." Why don't you..." That's when I close down. My self esteem is lacking anyway but this doesn't help. Why can't he just listen? and maybe take some responsibility?
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Well I know what is can be like to have a defensive husband.My husband can be very defensive,in fact I have always thought that he would make a very good Defense Attorney, and ironically he loves Perry Mason and other shows like that. But to get to you situation, I have developed a skill in not pushing my husbands defense trigers.When you are in a conversation with your husband, and suddenly he's on the defensive, just let it defuse....what I mean by that is just let the conversation end.And walk away for a few minutes and just be silent until he vents the frustration. I had mentioned this problem to my husband several times. I told him that I'm tired of him over reacting when I bring things up in conversation. I helped him become aware of this problem. By me just being silent or re directing the conversation, it has helped tremendously. I've realized that he did not have to be that way. It was upseting me alot and he did care enough for me to work on his problem. Now he is much less defensive. Although he still knows how to defend when he has to, its much more balanced in our marriage now. Just be strong and let your husband know that this bothers you. You should be able to approach in a now threating way and just talk about problems, issues, whatever without all the defensiveness. Now I know that if he feels that he's being attacked by you verbaly that it's only normal for someone to became defensive. We all have a build in defense mechinisim in us that comes up when we need to defend ourselves. If this is just really unpredictable with your husband, than talk it out first.Be careful how you approach him in conversation. Try not to say You....did this, or your not doing this. Certain words can defineltly can that defense to come up instantly. Be encourage that this problem can be resolved. It need to be adressed to your husband. God bless you!! freesun <br>

dlevay<br>I can remember being like that at times in my relationship. That's something I should have been able to stop, because I knew there was something wrong. So if something is wrong, I'm unhappy. I was unhappy with whatever it was making me unhappy. I guess because my wife & I didn't deal with it then we are looking at getting divorced. I see the light now, after I finally decided to research information containing relationships. I just hope it's not too late for us. I'm doing the best I can to be that sparkel in her eye again. It sure would be easier if she could be as motivated as I am to save this thing, 9 years & 2 kids. That should be worth US to give our best shot at our family. I hope it's not too late for you two.First thing is first, Get information, learn about what makes & breaks marriages/relationaships. From there it will help you understand why things are the way they are in your relationship, or at least it's a start in the right direction. You'll have to feel it out & know when it's a good time to bring it up, but it'll only get worse if you don't. good luck<br>chance

The only thing I can add to freesun (great comments) is sometimes they can't see that they are being this way. Even when you tell them later they don't see it. You need to point it out while it is happening. When he starts just tell him outright that he is being cruel to you and then walk away. He needs to see know what it is in order to fix it. Good Luck. <p>Steph