I have been married almost 9 years and in thos 9 years a lot has happend. My husband became addicted to the internet for a few years and during that time affairs came of this. Well I have stood by him and accepted the promises that came when I found out about the fooling around. This last time a lot happend and also a trip to jail from other internet activities. It was the worst time of my life. He has a few days to reflect upon all he has done and our marriage. From this since he is military it has basicaly closed his career and he will have to get out. In a way I feel if he had not gotten into trouble we would still be having these problems. He is looking at life in a new light and we have not fought or even had to deal with the computer on his part. I am afraid of a few things. First of all I dont want his absence from the internet to be just a temporary thing. Second he has put a lot of my needs and my sons needs first these days and third he will be getting out of the military and that really scares me. I have become so dependant upon the benefits and the security the military has given us the last 9 years. This is like starting all over again. I am afraid. I do love him very much and I know that hard work and trust will take time. I just am afarid... is it that we are on a road to recovery and it scares me? is this normal to be afraid of all these good things?
<br>Elizabeth

Elizabeth,
<p>Being afraid about this kind of thing is very normal. In fact I'd wonder what was wrong if you weren't afraid. Starting over, having safety nets taken away, and that on top of a rocky relationship. Who the heck wouldn't be afraid?
<br>I haven't had near the bad experiences you describe, yet my wife's continuing to be my partner is in serious danger right now and I'm scared to death.
<br>You'll learn to regulate the fear and find ways to increase your understanding on how to view and handle your affairs. So hang in there and check in here a lot if you need to. Everyone here is struggling in one way or another.

Elizabeth, it is perfectly normal to be afraid even when good things are happening. Stress comes from good things as well as bad things. The trick and the key is to not let your fear control you - I've done that and my marriage is falling apart. Be grateful that your H is putting your needs first (Dr. Harley would tell you that his "Giver" is in control right now - the Giver wants to meet everyone's needs but his own), but be aware that his needs must be met also, or eventually he will resent it and that will bring new problems (his "Taker" will take over - the Taker wants to ignore everyone's needs but his own). Look over this website - read the Q&A columns ... order the books if you can. The resources here and available through this site are wonderful and helpful. Once you explore it a little, I think you'll agree.
<p>I wish you the best! Sounds like you deserve it!
<p>terri