H came by tonite. Kinda my fault, but not really. I talked w/ MIL and told her I had the registration for the car he was driving. She told him. He walked in and laughed and said "You're losing it, Baby. I checked the stickers LAST NIGHT when mom said you had them and they don't expire til 2/00!" OK, so I screwed up. BUT HE DROVE MORE THAN AN HOUR AND CAME BY ANYWAY. Why? He's been avoiding contact like crazy.<P>It was nice, I was good - you guys have trained me well. Stayed a couple of hours. He was sick, talked, had dinner (just leftovers - wasn't expecting company). He hugged me FOREVER, stroking my hair and said "I'm so sorry, Lori". The first time he's apologized. I did finally say "I love you". He just hugged me tighter. Then he asked me to put on shoes and go to the shed w/ him to get something. I did, he got nothing. Just walked around the yard, looking at the trees and flowers. I ran back in and got him some medicine, got another long hug goodbye. He left.<P>Nothing eventful, but the look in his eyes. He does love me - he just can't come back, can't get out of or over what he's done. I know that look. I saw it on our wedding day, I saw it when my dad died, I've seen it a thousand times in 10 years. But I hadn't seen it in the last month or two. Until tonight. I'm not crazy. He's pretty proud and may never come back, but I'm not crazy. I had begun to think I was, but he didn't want to leave tonight. Didn't say it. Didn't have to. He looked at the house, the furniture (even said something), me, like he was seeing it all for the first time. I know I'm setting myself up for a crash, but that's ok. I've crashed so many times these last couple of months. He's pulling out of it, or trying to, and seeing things a little clearer. Long road for him ahead, for both of us and I still don't think he'll come back, but I know he's remembering again - and right now, that's enough, I think. Somehow, that's a comfort.<P>Thanks for listening.<P>Lori
