Been busy lately and havent posted...now I'm having a hard time reading all and catching up...
<br>For anyone who has wondered about depression and Prozac. I ran out of my prescription. Dr's office called pharmacy, but pharmacy never filled prescription, thus I haven't had the pres. refilled. So I've been out of the meds for a few weeks now. (Gonna do something about it today tho) and I am feeling it. I REALLY see that it is a helpful drug.
<br>My weight has really been depressing me also (for some reason I am not losing weight on Prozac) but something I have thought of recently....some of you may know of my indescretion a few months ago. And I now realize that if i had been my normal fit self (skinney) then I probably would have ended up having sex with him. I don't think my relationship with my husband would be ANY different if I lost 30 pounds, but I KNOW I would have other men attracted to me. And then I would be tempted by the affections of other men. I think THIS is what is keeping me from losing weight. Any advice??? The marraige is in one of those down swings again. He is upset non-stop about his weight and still only talks about what he WANTS his life to be.... we fought over the weekend. He talks about completely changing the way he does things, I tell him that we need to START making changes one at a time. (for example, for years I have wanted to purchase A rental property--- he changes the spin on the conversation and he says he wants to purchase 2 every year for the next 20 years cause then he'd have XX amount of money each month and he could retire.......) Since we've talked about rentals for years and not acted on it I said---We need to start with ONE, let's do it. His reply was that I am always challenging him (where I felt that he was discounting my idea of one rental.) any way, any thoughts on that???
<br>I hope things are going better for alot of you. Bruce, I'm trying to get the posts to see if things are going ok for you and KenW and Steph and all.
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Just a thought ... If you are both concerned about weight and health, how about joining an exercise class or health spa together... Believe me, your self-esteem is important to your relationship and it will definitely increase if you look better, because you will feel better. If you are worried about being tempted, well, having your husband there exercising and losing weight with you should take care of that!
<p>Fix yourselves first - then worry about buying rentals and all of that. I'll bet if you both *felt* better about yourselves you'd be in better frames of mind to deal with all of the other issues of your marriage.
<p>Hope this helps!
<p>terri

GBM,
<p>I agree with terri. You need to take care of yourself before you can even begin to fix things with your H. This also seems to be the route that he has chosen to do by seeming to be a little on the selfish side. I understand your concern about how your weight is effecting you. I have lose 80 pounds over the last year. This has given my H cause to fear losing me now. He thinks that I settled for him because we were both large people and now that I am not and he still is (keep in mind his depression and low selfesteem) that I think I could have someone better. This is not the case but you see how his weight affects his thinking and also how he deals with our marriage.
<p>We had our first joint counseling last night. We have a long way to come but I did find hope when the hour was over. It's not even all on the table yet but he is starting to see how his depression affected me. He also agreed to go back. My prayers are with you. Take care of yourself.
<p>Steph

Steph, that is encouraging! I'm glad it seems there might be a light at the end of the tunnel for you two after all!
<p>terri

GBM - I just read your post, and I couldn't agree with you more. I need to lose around 60 pounds and I have decided the weight is a protection against affairs. (60 pounds and 15 years ago I had an affair) When I'm thin men pay alot of attention to me and I've decided I just can't handle it. My husband has always been very moody and quiet, not ever interested in sex regardless of my weight. But, I love him very much. <p>I know that deep down I'm afraid if I lost the weight (regardless of how desperately I want to) that I'd end up in OM's arms and wreck my marriage. I know this is twisted thinking, but I can't help it.

Terri<br>YEs, I know that I need to do it. I'm getting very close to finally losing it. Maybe I am also using my weight as a way to not expect compliments from him. When I was thin he wasn't at all appreicative and it really hurt. But now I don't expect any compliments because I know I don't look good. And it's ok----because I don't expect or want for the compliments at all. <br>Steph--<br>That is great that you've lost 80 lbs. How did you do it??? Also glad to hear about eh joint counseling. Have you had just one session? What was most helpful about it?<br>LTaylor---<br>I'm glad someone kind of knows what I'm talking about. And it's not that I would jump in bed with someone if I were thin. But I know that I would be approached. I'm just glad when I was thin I was too much in love with my husband to care about the advanes of other men.

GBM,<p>I lost it by really watching the amount of food I ate and made sure I excercise at least one hour everyday. Sounds simple but every morning I would wake up and tell myself that I had to do it today. It was a day to day thing and sometimes I only lost three pounds a month but I did it healthy and it is staying off.<p>Yes we have only had one session so far and it was good and bad. Alot of things came out (that had come out before) but this time he saw it for what it was. We haven't been able to make it back for another session because of his work but he wants to go back. Funny thing, our latest fight was over how hard both of us were trying to make things work. Oh well. What I found most helpful about the session was that it was easier for me to say things exactly as I saw them without beating around the bush. I hope things are going well for you. You haven't really said. My prayers as always. <p>Steph

Steph--<br>It's good news that he is interested in going back. It is hard to schedule though. We also find that we argue about "silly" things like who is doing the most for the relationship etc. Must be a universal problem. It's hard to overcome that beating around the bush habit. But it is time and energy saving if you don't do it. I'm glad to hear that you've made some progress. Knowing how hard I can be to live with in my depression I have to commend you for your struggle with your husband's depression.<br>I am kind of stumped on the weight issue. I gained quite a bit with each of my pregnancies, but was able to get within 5 lbs of my normal weight. I gained all of my curent weight after my last child's first birthday!!! It seems as though all my willpower that I used to have is gone. I cannot muster up the gumption to start. (this was never a problem post pregnancy). I'm so glad to hear of your weight success. Things are going ok for me. I think I am finally back on the right track mentally. Maybe even a few steps forward because of the experience. And now I feel that I am back to pre-depression problems. Unfortunately, my husband's anxiety/stress problems are again apparent (and effecting) to me. I keep trying to figure out if I am playing doctor here (as he says) or if he REALLY does have a problem. But we are definately not at the low we were pre-Prozac. I just dont think my husband will ever enjoy his life. Thanks for asking.

GBM,<p>My H is always diagnosing me with depression. He also diagnosed his two brothers, mom, dad, and a friend. Now that he knows the signs he thinks most everyone suffers from some level of depression. I think we all do. The difference is being able to come out of it on your own or not. I'm glad that you feel you have taken steps foreward. You can make it. I know you can. <p>Steph

Steph---Hey your husband sounds like me. I also think his mother has depression. (but my H agrees with me there too). But I do have to agree that Many people suffer from it on some level. I remember before I was TRULY depressed just thinking Why don't these people just do something. But now I know it's not that simple. <br>Have you ever wondered if you SHOULD have married your husband?? I wonder for us, but I thinksomeone here said that kind of thinking was a cop out. I know at one point we were incredibly happy and that I was in love. Now I look back and wonder if I was just blind then. <br>Take Care

GBM,<p>No I have never wondered if I should have married him. I do think at times that I shouldn't have gotten married so young (19) but I knew I should have married him. For some reason I believe that what I am going through will make me a stronger, better person. No matter the outcome I will be better. I look at his depression like I would as if he had told me he had cancer. I wouldn't leave him for that and I won't for depression. I do understand your doubt though because I have friends that think that. I think that is a matter of dwelling on should have's instead of looking to move foreward. Look ahead and see where you can go from here, it doesn't matter how you got here because you can't change that. What matters is what you do from today to make it better. Good Luck. <p>Steph