My husband does service work with his brother and works very long hours, sometimes stays out of town. We just had a preemie baby a year ago. She was born at 27wks weighed 1 pound 14 oz. she stayed in the hospital for 3 monts. During this time, we were close, he still worked alot but we would always go visit her at night even. Last night he finally said"I know things arent the same" It tore my sole out, but i've been saying it all along. Its HIS job. He said he cant change jobs right now b/c we dont have enough $$. He thinks he has to work 80hrs a week to provide for us but we need him more than the money. I have told him this. Our baby has cerebral palsy and alot of other medical problems. I feel overwhelmed at times, trying to do it all by myself. His family all lives here and they are NO help. I just feel alone. Any suggestions??

Dawn,
<p>It seems like we men can get on automatic pilot very easy. So much so that while we think we are doing something important we are overlooking things that are more important.
<p>The thing is your husband needs to see this. I don't know what it will take for that to happen. Hopefully you will be able to get the message through to him in some way and he will make the needed adjustments. In other cases, like my own, the wife has to threaten to leave before the man finally wakes up to see that he has a serious situation on his hands.
<br>I hope that your husband will stop and take a look at your relationship before the danger point is reached. Maybe you can have him read posts on this site. I don't know what he is or isn't open to. The point is if he is willing to listen then you have the best chance of getting things straightened out before you feel so overwhelmed that you have to take drastic steps.
<br>Don't nag him or try or make him feel guilty. Just see if you can get him to re-evaluate. If he is working long hours because he thinks he is doing his duty for his family, and if indeed doing for his family is that important to him, then if you can get him to see that truly doing for his family includes some things he hasn't considered then I think that would be a powerful influence for change on his part.
<br>No great revelations here, I just hate to no respond when I see someone has a need. Because I know what it's like to be there. Take care.

Thanks Bruce,
<br> I hope things work out for you to. I just wish there were "TIME" to sit and talk or just be together. The problem, he is oncall 24/7. When the beeper beeps or phone rings, he has to go...and justifys it also..OHHHHH it drives me crazy thinking about it all...

Hi Dawn,
<p>How's this for the "shoe being on the other foot"? My wife works too hard!
<p>She's a teacher - and a good one at that. Before we met, teaching was - literally - her life. No real hobbies other than reading. She gets up at 4:45 each morning, gets home around 5:30, works through dinner, and after dinner 'til about 9:30 or 10:00 grading papers, making lesson plans, etc. She's really burnt out, but doesn't feel she can do the job putting in less time. Often, she'll spend half a day or more over the weekend. When she gets to bed, she's so tired that she tries to read (fiction, to relax) and falls asleep before she gets too far. See a problem here? (This doesn't help your problem, but I though it was atypical enough to bring it up.)
<p>I don't know what your - or his - standards are for "enough money", but working 80 hours a week, he should be rolling in it. (Unless of course, his employer's really taking advantage of him.) Maybe charging more for his services is an option? That way, he could make as much in fewer hours, and possibly reduce the number of late service calls. (Maybe they're too "cheap" now, so the cost could be raised to deter some of them?)
<p>Val<p>[This message has been edited by V.]