I am married(3yrs) and have a baby by my husband. We really love one another but lately we've been having the distant problem. My husband works alot and is rarely home. I stay at home with the baby now, which we both agree is a good idea. Anyway, I was thinking about contacting my ex, to let him know about my moms death and my baby. Is this foolish? I dont want anything from the contact but maybe a friendship were there once was more. Please give me any suggestions you have.

Dawn:
<p>Sounds to me like you're lonely and vulnerable. Under those circumstances, I WOULD NOT contact your ex, or any other man, for that matter. If you need to talk to someone, talk to a female friend. If you don't have any, I would suggest finding out about a play group for your child, or get involved in a church. Many have programs for stay-at-home moms who need adult interaction.
<p>I would also suggest being honest with your husband about your loneliness. I doubt he really understands what it is like for you to be home all day with just your baby.
<p>Praying for you,
<br>Singer

Dawn,
<p>Ditto what Singer already said.

In the case your speaking about - NO! It would definitely send the wrong signal to him and would probably hurt your marriage.

Cndy-<br>Didnt I just read that you have contact with your ex? He's the coach of your kids?? See, I havent had contact with my ex at all..The man that I once loved so dearly with everything in my heart, I didnt keep in contact with over the years. I just want to know how he is doing. It's so hard for people to understand that sometimes we still need to be conected to our past, is something so wrong with that?? I dont want to be "with" him, just see how he is.....

Dawn,<br> Its starting to sound like you may be having 2nd thoughts like the others that have posted to me. From what I know and understand you can never have a relationship or marrige that will have the feelings and emotions of your first marrige. If you feel like talking to him then give him a call theres no harm in that but it could turn to something more because of that bond. Seems a lot of the people here who have left for the greener grass are finding the soil not as solid and a bit lumpy. Do what you feel.

Dawn,<br> Often wondered how some of my old girlfriends did but never tried to get in touch after I married. Your Ex may have a permanent piece of your heart and that isn't bad by itself. However, you can probably find a female friend from your past who knows your Ex and could give you an intellegence report. I'd suggest that is as close as you get to your Ex. Direct contact could lead to temptation that could be temporarily overwhelming and you might live to regret it. Hope that helps.

Yes I have contact with my ex because we have children together and we do keep it very professional for the children. When it comes to personal issues - I turn to girlfriends or someone else - but not my ex who I too, loved DEARLY. How easy that would be for me to fall into a trap with that. The only reason I said NO to you was the fact you mentioned you were lonely lately and you wanted to talk to your ex. It sounds like you want him to take the place of your lonliness right now. If thats not the case and you feel that it won't hurt your marriage - then there is no harm. When I do see my ex and have contact - my husband is well aware of it OR with me. That makes a big difference too. But I know what you mean about being connected to the past and those you love. I still love his family DEARLY and my ex sister in law, etc. I do keep contact with them - very often. So I understand your point.<p>To Ken: FYI I did NOT leave my marriage in hopes of greener grass. I left mine due to infidelity, drinking problems, and emotional abuse. I left to keep my family alive. Fortunately for me and my ex and our kids, after 9 yrs he HAS changed and turned his life around. I only said to Dawn NO becuase I know what lonely people who go back to loved ones can fall into. It wasn't to hurt her in any way. Because truthfully, divorce is a very hurtful thing and I would hope her HUSBAND could fill the lonliness or a friend. <p>[This message has been edited by Cndy (edited 11-05-98).]

Thank you Cndy-<br> I know you only meant well..I'm just under so much stress lately. My husband for the past 4 years has been gone. He works all the time. He swears that he will find a new job after the new year.<br> My ex, supposely did alot of bad things (cheat, I heard from friend) and he also drank, it seemed to be his favorite thing to do, although he wasnt abusive. He later got help for that. I just want hime to know I'm ok and I dont hate him. I have written him and hope to hear from him through email. I've decided that would be the safest thing to do. I know he lives several hundreds of miles away. <br> Thanks again, everyone,,,,oh, what a boat we are all in!!