Laurie,
<p>One thing I have found about a marital crisis is that it affords not only an opportunity to work on the marriage but to do some soul searching and go back and see where some things might have been avoided if you'd been more clear on things at the beginning.
<p>You said your husband was in the process of setting the stage to marry you before his divorce was finalized. I think that was unwise, even if his ex was the kind to get away from. It shows a hastiness.
<br>Now he is doing something unwise again. He is showing hastiness again by not considering your feelings, which I think are very legitimate in this case.
<br>As you are finding out there is nothing you can do to make another person do what you'd like even if it's something they really should do. I don't know if you noted that characteristic of hastiness (and there may be a better label for it) when he was going to marry you. Maybe you did but wanted to be married bad enough to overlook it or maybe you didn't see it. But now it's showing it's head again.
<br>Hopefully you will be able to make him see his folly and he'll adjust himself. But if not you can at least use this incident as a springboard to understand why he does certain things and why you accepted it or didn't see it. At least then you'll be more fortified with some real knowledge which will help you deal realistically with him in the future. And who knows but that will be what he needs to help him change.
