Hi,<p>I need help! I am in the Military and am away from my wife for one year (5 months left). We had a perfect marriage before this seperation. We have been together for four years and only had two fights in that time.<p>With in one month she has went through a lot of stress and I think she snapped. She had a bad car accident (She is fine), a hurricane hit where she is, She didn't have water and electricity for two weeks, She is living with my Mom (Which I couldn't do, durning this time I didn't support her and was mean to her. I am very sorry and wish I would have supported her durning this time. I really didn't know that she started to stop loving me. I just thought she was having a bad time. I didn't find out that we had a problem until it was to late. Durning that stressful period she started dating a man that gave her emotional support. I finally found out and went home the next day to see what was going on. They hadn't had sex yet, but dated and kissed (which she started). She told me she stop seeing him, but I don't know. I am trusting what she is telling me. <p>She says she doesn't love me at all and wants a divorce. We both are seeing counciling (in different countries). She is doing it to find herself and I am doing it to fix our marriage. <p>She tells me almost daily that she wants me to move on, but I can't. Somedays she says small things like, she will wait and try our marriage when I get home. Not that she "wants" to try, but that is the right thing to do. Other times she says she needs her freedom and can't wait another minute to get divorced. I truely believe in my heart that if she can wait until I get back in five months, I can win her heart again. I don't understand how it went so wrong, so fast, for such a small reason. <p>I love her very much and want to save my marriage. Does anyone think that I can? Any suggestions on what I can do from so far away? Please remember that we had a great marriage, before this happened. I don't know what to do, please help!!!!

Have you talked to anyone - perhaps your counselor - about any kind of emergency leave to try to save your marriage? I don't know how flexible the military is, but I know that emergency leave for sick family members is given. Does your counselor or commanding officer or anyone that can help you with this know just how serious your situation is?<p>Five months is too long. You need to be at home now to work on this. Your marriage will be almost certainly over if you wait until you are scheduled to return.<p>This is just my opinion, but your situation sounds very urgent. I really think you need to be there to deal with it as soon as possible.<p>terri

Terri,<p>Thanks for the reply. I went on leave for three weeks, the day after I found out about her boyfriend. The first two weeks, we just talked and went to a marriage therapist. The last week went pretty good, but I think she wouldn't let her guard down because she knew I had to leave again. I am trying to get back early, but the earliest I can get back is still 3 months from now. I don't think that my commander will approve it, but I am trying. I need her, she is my every thing. Thanks for the input, I really need to communicate.

USAFSGT,<p>You're obviously in a tough spot. I think it's essential that you get home any way you can. Perhaps the chaplain could help.<br>In the meantime I'd give your wife a substitute presence. Write her every day if you have to. Send her a tape with you expressing your feelings, something.<br>This won't be easy, as if you need me to tell you that. It's tough enough to deal with this loss of loving feelings when you're there to deal with it.<br>But, if you've made anything like a thorough reading of messages here you should have some idea what to avoid - neediness, begging and the like.<br>Let this be a wake up call, not only for your marriage but for you as a man. Don't let the feelings of impending disaster wash you away, but stand in there and slug it out no matter what. It ain't over till it's over, and as long as it's not over there is always a chance, even with your particular situation.<br>If you want to send personal e-mail my address is rbnewman@compuserve.com.<br>Not that I'm anyone special or have any magical answers. But a guy in your predicament (the distance between you and your wife) could get to feeling rather desparate. Sometimes just having another ear is enough to take the edge off tremendous pressure. But it's up to you if you want to do that. <br>Take care and don't give up. Worse cases have been restored.

Sorry to hear your life is in rambles....but I can say"Been there done that"...I married my high school sweetheart at 18 and he left for a cruise for one year. In that time he came home for one weekend. This was absolutely horrible. He was 19 and discovered the world, so to say. I worked saved up money and he spent it. I divorced him after he came off a 3 month cruise. I remarried another squid but this one was home....<br>That is what my inner soul was looking for and needed....a man that would be home for me..someone whome i could wrap my arms around. Now, I'm still married, but were out of the navy after several years, and he works ALOT now..back to square one. My suggestion, write her as much as you can without getting finger cramps, let her know what is in your soul, let her know that she is the reason you are breathing, also remind her of the reasons you got married. I would talk to your master chief and let him know what is going on and see if he has any suggestions. I know the navy puts your life in the back seat..maybe talk to the chaplain(i'm sure you've been there!!).. Will you go on shore duty soon, maybe mention that..<br>It is VERY hard though for a woman to know her man is leaving!!!!!WE NEED people...men have a tendancy to go do there job but a woman thinks home and marriage are the #1 importantace..dont let her find that elsewhere....good luck<br>

USAFSGT I know exactly what you're going through. Iwas in the USAF form 90-97 and my wife father was in the USAF, she joined the USAF for 5 years and then she married me which made her a military dependent again. You would think she know everything there is to know about the military right? wrong. I was an Security Policeman and if that isn't a stressfull job then there isn't another in the USAF. I brought my work home with me and took it out on my wife which begin pushing her away. I did this for 5 years and when I separted from the USAF I began really taking pride in my wife and our marriage. Well it was too late beacause I had already pushed her away. All I'm saying is don't let the USAF ruin your marriage. I wondering why she's not with you, but I guess you're on a remote. If she feels like she needs someone else then she's going to be with someone else there is nothing you can do about that being away from home. I suggest you finish your tour and you go home and get your wife. It's hard to love from afar, but if you're there with here she can be reassured of your love for her. Good luck to you and I hope that it work out for you. Be safe wherever you are.