Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas on discipline for a 3-4 year old???<P>For the most part Abbey is a very well behaived and adjusted child...<P>Today however, is one of those days <P>She is absolutely refusing to eat what she asked for...<P>I find myself getting angry at her obstinance...<P>I have threatened to take away her fun today...not hollow threats I can't follow through with, she is smarter than that...I put her in time out and threatened her with a spanking...Like I said my discipline problems are pretty much nil, for some reason today she ain't listening...she even cried for her mom, so I called Robin and Abbey was again told to eat...I only discipline her for 2 things, disrespect and disobedience...<P>Any ideas that I may use for actual means of punishment will be greatly appritiated.<P><P>------------------<BR>Bill<P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Hey Bill,<P>Long time, no chat.<P>Kids will be kids. I had the same problems so many years ago with the first D. The kids were driving me nuts. They didn't want to listen. Believe me, they also feel the disturbance in the force.<P>I found out it wasn't so much their problem as it was mine. I was projecting my anger upon them. It's the same today. My 18 year old is very concerned about me. It seems that I will be going for D number 2 soon.<P>I don't know how you feel or what you are going thru and I will not pretend to. If she doesn't want to eat now it's ok. She will become hungry later.<P>My advise is to take a time out for Bill. You are a great guy. Take a walk, beat the living [censored] out of a pillow. What ever it takes.<P>These are hard times for us. We will survive. <P>Come Hell or high water!<P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WilliamJ:<BR><B>Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas on discipline for a 3-4 year old???<P>She is absolutely refusing to eat what she asked for...<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Bill,<P>I have a 3 1/2 year old myself and have worked with parents in a pediatric behavioral clinic. These are only my opinions from my own clinical experiences and my experience as a father. <P>There are basically 3 things you can't force a child to do because the child has complete control over:<P>1) Eating<BR>2) Bodily functions, i.e. defecation/urination<BR>3) Sleeping<P>Your toddler may be testing how far she can push you by refusing to eat and making demands. In regards to not eating what she asked for, the best thing to do is ignore the child and allow her to have a set amount of time to eat, such as 15-25 min. You can use an egg timer if necessary so that she'll know when time is up. If she hasn't eaten her food, take it away. If she fusses & cries, state that she had her chance to eat and ignore her tantrum. When you respond to her demands and/or refusal to eat, you are actually reinforcing the negative behavior. Tantrums and active defiance are ways for the child to get your attention. Negative attention (threats of a spanking, calling Mom for discipline, and placing her in time out) is better than no attention to a toddler. Thus, I strongly believe time outs should be reserved for the most serious offenses. <P>You may be concerned that she won't receive enough nutrition. Children, absent from an eating disorder, regulate their need for caloric intake very well. Don't worry. If she is hungry, she'll eat.<P>The key here is to encourage good behaviors and to ignore unwanted behaviors, unless the behavior is going to endanger a child or cause harm to someone else, such as hitting, biting or playing with fire.<P>Punishment is not always the best solution to a behavioral problem. It'll take patience to ignore her demands, defiance, and tantrums. If she is truly a well-behaved child like you claim, she'll modify her behavior in short time in seek of positive reinforcement. One last note, make sure you praise her when she does eat or do things you like. Parents often forget to praise the child for good behaviors and quick to punish for the bad.<P>Best of luck,<BR>Andrew<P>

Zippy,<P>Thanks for the encouragement...<P>I've been doing pretty well taking care of me these days.<P>Andrew,<P>I really like the egg timer idea...<BR>I do like to catch her being good a try to praise her for that often...<P>Thank you for the insight...<P>------------------<BR>Bill<P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

OK,<P>GND said it better, but that's what I meant.

Bill,<BR>Pick your battles. Some are not worth the frustration it causes you and not worth the screaming and crying the child does.<P>I agree with Guy next door. She will eat when she needs to. No biggy. They are looking for attention at that age and to boot, now she is having to be going through tough times right along with you...whether you think she feels it or not.<P>Ignore...count to ten....I even found talking in a quiet voice is a big help. They stop screaming and crying to hear what you are saying.<P>I am not a big fan of time outs...they really should be used when the child is in danger of hurting themselves or hurting someone else. My stbx uses them on the girls when he has them...they are 8 & 10. They are way too old...they just sit there and brood about what they can do next to irratate him. But if you use them remember...1 minute per years they are old.<P>It is tougher with the younger ones...mine are at the age you can take away privledges....boy they hate the no phone discipline.<P>When my 8 year old gets angry I find that when I hold her...tell her I love her and just let her talk is the best medicine.<P>When my girls were little....I would have them help me do something constructive.....like make a cake....they love that...then they want to eat it.....help with dinner....wrapping potatoes....ripping lettuce. Help hammer in nails for a project I was doing....it makes them feel needed and "grown up".<P>When my girls were going through the I"m not hungry stage...I just kept cut up veggies and fruit in the fridge....they helped themselves. Or I would leave a bowl of dry cereal out....or pretzels...they must have munched because little by little it was empty a couple hours later.<P>Hope that helps<P>Nancy<p>[This message has been edited by MENTAL (edited June 11, 2000).]

I would love to have little kids around the house again. Mine are older, 18, 15 and 12. But I remember chasing my son around the house in the middle of the night to give him some medicine. Then I thought, if the kid can run that fast and hide from me, he can't be all that sick, so what was the use?<P>So.....if she is hungry she will eat...kinda like the movie...if I will build a ball field they will come.....<P>She is just pushing you buttons for attention. I would say...time out for both of you guys with a good movie that you can both enjoy or something like that.<P>My problems with kids are..how late can I be out......lets go drive now that I have my permit.......can I color my hair.....<P>Just wait....... : 0 )<P>

Nancy,<P>I do my best to choose the battles I wage...some days I choose everything...LOL<BR>I am trying to be concistant...today wasn't one of those days.<P>M3K,<P>No proplem giving her medicine...but she did color her hair the other day with a magic marker...LOL<P><P>------------------<BR>Bill<P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Bill,<P>It sounds like good advise to me in regards to the eating. She will eat when she gets hungry. Maybe give her a choice of things to eat when she is ready and not try to force something you want her to eat.<P>ps. It doesn't get any better for a while. My kids still eat something one week and then the next its like I'm trying to feed the rotting flesh.

Guy-next-door is right. They'll eat when they're hungry. At might house, you eat when it's time, you leave the table and it's over, and I don't fix but one meal at a time. You snooze - you lose.<P>I find positive behaviour reinfocement fa more effective than other choices. "When you ..... , then you can ......" not "If ......" Using when tells them that they will do it - that there is not an option. They get the goodies after they perform the requirement. You just have to follow through.<BR> <BR>Lots of times, I ignore inappropriate behaviour because I know they are doing this because they want attention (and negative attention is, nonetheless, attention) and they'll stop it sooner if it doesn't work. I draw the line at dangerous or destructive behavior. For those, I step in. <P>We are the grownups and we get to make up the rules.

Hi Bill,<P>Got here a little late, but I hope not too late. Yeah Guy-next-door is right; my daughter used to go from not eating to funny diets like cheese-only, pasta-only, yogurt-only, etc. but within 30 days she would had have a perfectly balanced diet. Ask her doctor: is Abbey's weight / height normal? Is she acting differently than before? She could also be reacting to stress (her own or most likely yours, like some have suggested here above).<P>Last thing: does she have snacks between meals? even a glass of milk ½ before eating can make Abbey (or you- just try it) lose her appetite.<P>For help you'll always have the board members... plus there are plenty of grandmothers around and of course Dr. Spok (is this how you spell it? I think I already gave the book away) —if you don't know what to do "read the book"—.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B><p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited June 13, 2000).]