(Very Long, but need input on what you think of it)Hardest letter I have ever written. <P> I know a letter is the last thing you want to read at a time like this, but rest assured this will be the last. I hold no ill feelings towards you or your treatment of me. I have learned to put all of that in the past. That is why I am moving on to a life where I can get "Me" together. I have goals and challenges that await me that I thought I wouldn't have to go through alone, but as luck will have it.. this is the hand I was dealt. It's scary and exciting at the same time, but I will face this new hand with new insight and understanding. I know what I want and I know what I need to do to achieve success. As you know, when I put my mind into something there is no stopping me (smile). I am leaving a piece of my heart behind, but we both know it is for the best. I never really had your heart and devotion. I don't know if you know how to give your all to one person. Hopefully your resentment of me will cease and we can become friends. Maybe as friends we might find out a whole lot of things we didn't know about each other. But it will take a lot of time and patience to develop something like that between us. Especially with all the emotions I know I am going through right now. I can't say what you are feeling, hate, anger, resentment. I really don't' know. <BR> I can honestly say, I hope you do find the lifestyle and the woman that will truly make your life complete. Because obviously I am not what you had in mind as the ideal mate. We can discuss each of our faults until we are blue in the face, but the bottom line is, one of us is tired of getting slapped in the face and lied too. I guess it is just my nature to be forgiving, but in doing so I am compromising my well being and happiness for another person who really doesn't see how much they are hurting me spiritually and mentally. I have given up a lot for you, and I'm not talking about materialistic things. I have lost my pride in myself, the ability to trust the person I love, and the drive to make each day a better one. All because I had to always be one step ahead of you. Trying not to get burned by somebody is a tiring job. Especially when I got burned in the end anyway. You probably are aware that I know most of the things that you've done. It just is not a great feeling to find out your husband is sitting up with another woman then coming home to you for some last minute affection before he goes to bed. It hurts. There is a lot more that I know, but at this point it is pointless to bring it up. You can't change the past and to tell you the truth I don't think I could live through it again. All I can do now is accomplish the goals that I have set for myself so I can have pride in what I do and take care of the kids we created together. <BR>Being a single mom will take all the strength I can muster each day, but I am ready to face that challenge with as much exuberance and courage that any parent knows will pay off in the end. Many women before and after me have done it, so I have much faith that I can make it work. Your role in this is just as important. I don't want to be the dreaded "Baby Mamma". I feel that you should be as important as I am in the kid's life. I will never restrict you from seeing your kids. But there will be a set hour at night on which I will stop receiving visitors (10:00 p.m.). I have to make this rule for my safety and the kids. Also, there will not be any spending the nights at my home. If you want the kids overnight, you are welcome to pick them up at anytime. I have a zero tolerance for drugs or other men in my home. I will not entertain your friends while you visit your children. I don't want them getting comfortable and popping up at my apartment for obvious reasons. And as a curtasy to me, please don't bring other women to my apartment when visiting your children. I know you will be seeing other women openly now, but you don't have to bring them to my home. I will never harass you or your future mate. I think I can handle myself as an adult when faced with another person in your life. You can rest assured that there will be no phone calls to you unless they are regarding the kids. There is no room for jealousy and hate in my life. All of my concentration is on building a comfortable and happy life for our children. And I am sure the same goes for you. I am not ready for a divorce right now, but if you see this separation as a done deal and want to seek a divorce I will not contest it. I do hope we could use this time to evaluate our lives and make efforts for a reconciliation in the future. I don't think our relationship is like your parents. I do have a spark of hope that things could work out for us in the end. As long as both people are honest and true to themselves regarding their feelings toward the other person. <BR>Financially, I will take the brunt of the bills for the kids obviously. I do expect you to continue paying daycare for the kids. If not, I will have to find other means of obtaining the money from you. I really don't want to go that route, because I know you love your kids and will do anything to make sure they are taken care of. If I have to pay daycare that means less food the kids have to eat and the risk that the rent won't be paid in full for the month. With 3 mouths to feed, plus myself, it is going to really put me in a bind. Please don't limit the support for your kids to just day care or to spite me. An allowance of $50.00 a week for food, wipes, and pampers (which I will provide receipts upon purchasing) is much needed. I am not opposed to you purchasing these items yourself. This is no different from what you are already providing. I am not opposed to you buying clothes or taking them out to places you know they will enjoy. As a single mother, I am going to really be struggling with only one income. I would really appreciate your help and cooperation in keeping your children fed, clothed and set with daycare. We need to make a set schedule on when you want to get the kids. It will not be written in stone because things come up and we might need to depend on each other to watch the kids for certain things. Specifically with the help of financial aid, I plan to attend HCC night classes next year or TSU weekend classes to get my degree in Secondary Education. I chose teaching not just because I have felt this calling for a long time now, but because I can spend more time with our children on the holidays and during the summer.<BR>More important than anything else I have written, we need to keep the lines of communication open. You might hate me right now, but for the sake of the kids we will always have to put our feelings aside and listen to what the other has an opinion about. Even though we do not live in the same household whatever happens to the kids, we will both be accountable for. You are a witness to what can happen when two parents can't come to an understanding or just communicate. Please don't stop coming to get the kids for any reason. There is no justifiable reason to neglect your kids. They have done nothing wrong and deserve all of the love you can give, especially at a time like this where they have to adjust to a new environment. I know I don't have to worry about this with you, because you are a father that I have watched on numerous occasions love and cherish his kids more than life itself. But life has a way of keeping you busy sometimes, just remember, your time with the kids will determine what feelings they will have towards you. I will never speak negatively about you to them. I want them to judge for themselves what role they want you to play in their lives as they grow older. And I believe that is how it should be.<BR>All of that being said, I leave not with hate in my heart or anger about the things that have occurred between us, but with a new hope that someday we will both be happy. If it is fate that we are to be together, then I will see you then. If not, I did have some enjoyable moments with you that I will cherish for the rest of my days. We always did enjoy talking and laughing together. That I will miss the most. This really is not a farewell because you are always going to be a part of my life where the children are concerned. And I don't know about you, but I am looking forward to sharing all of the major events each of our children will hold dear in their hearts. So, good luck in your future endeavors and I know you have the skills and potential to make something better of yourself. Maybe with more time to focus on your goals, you will find many things you are capable of accomplishing. Just keep the faith and I only wish the best for you.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Latrice (edited June 14, 2000).]

Well, I started to highlight all the stuff I would leave out, but that was a whole lot! There are some good resources somewhere on this site about how to write a good Plan B letter. Basically, the intent is to keep good feelings alive between you. I know it is easier said than done, but I think it goes a long way and is worth the effort.<P>I'd take out anything that sounds like blaming or sounds combative. Take out anything that sounds like you don't agree with him, are judging him or condemning him.<P>You say a lot of loving things and cooperative things, but if your H is anything like mine, he will miss all that and only see what he doesn't like. So, give him nothing to argue about. Tell him what you love and how good he is with the kids. Write like you expect him to behave like a gentleman and that there is no need to tell him what your hours or expectations are. You might need to amend this later, but if you say something like, "I know you have the children's best interest at heart and that I can trust their security and happiness with you because you love them" it might entice him to be responsible without having to be specific. <P>Play up the positive. Accentuate the laughing and good times and make it alive and real. Give him something to love about you and miss.<P>My two cents.