I kinda asked this in another post after reading what people say about depression in spouses, etc., and think that possibly maybe that is what is wrong with my husband. He never seems happy (not totally) doesn't want to do much with other people, friends, he seems moody, irritable, always wants MORE than what we have (materialistic), he won't go to counseling, doesn't believe in it, doesn't get along with his family very well, and seems to always have this big chip on his shoulder. His sex drive isn't (he never cares to have sex) and seems so unmotivated about everything. How would I know if depression is his problem? Hes driving me nuts and my kids too. He's been this way for quite a few years. Getting worse.<br>

Cndy,<br> He sounds a lot like I was before I was diagnosed with dystimiya, a low grad form of depression where you can function normally but are like you described your husband. I have been on antidepressants for about 2 years. They help a lot but since quitting drinking and going to AA I have really changed a lot I'm usally happy, I find pleasure in just little things and dont need every thing material to be happy. I get down now because of my seperation but thats to be expected. If my wife and kids were to return I would be the happiest man on the planet. There are a lot of sites on th net that describe tell tale sighns of depression. I dont want to pry but does your husband drink?<br> Ken

I think depression is one of the hardest illnesses to diagnose. However, from what you describe he sounds like he has it!<p>I think you need to convince him to see a physciatrist(because they can prescribe drugs). However, tring to convince him is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. Maybe you could approach with the "what do you have to lose" and "if not for you for the sake of the kids" argument.<p>I approach my wife with these arguments and they seemed to work. However, my wife did not suffer with chronic depression for as long as your husband. I know how hard it is to deal with someone with your husbands symptoms. <p>I am here to tell you your husband can be treated sucessfully. My wife has made unbelievable progress. <p>Good Luck!

Ken S - he is a social drinker (never during the week and ONLY on the weekends, and sometimes not even then) - but yes he does drink. (I think I have RARELY though ever seen him drunk and he only drinks beer - no other alcohol). But I am beginning to believe he is depressed. <p>Ken W - I will ask him again if "we" (as to not personally attack him and make him feel I am blaming him) can go to counseling and or see a psychiatrist. I do believe he could be depressed (I would if I didn't get along with my family for years). <br>My fear is that he will laugh at me. He doesn't believe in counselors or doctors much (he tries really hard for a macho image) <br>ANOTHER thing he does that you two may either know or not know about is this: I have noticed over the past few years that he tends to "tell white lies" a lot to other people (such as in insinuating to his brothers that he has a lot of money; or he doesn't HAVE to work, or that he coaches my kids) things that he REALLY doesn't do trying to impress others. That has really begun to bother me too. Is this a symptom of anything?<br>Thanks so much for listening and I'm still hanging in trying to find answers.

Cndy,<p>It sounds to me like he does have depression. The little white lies are normal. They don't feel good enough as who they are so they make a new them to present to people. The only way I was able to get my H to get help was to let him know that I had had enough and it was either get help or lose me. Not a nice way of having to do it but it worked. I wish you luck because getting the help for the depression is just the begining. My prayers are with you.<p>Steph

Thanks Steph - <br>I wrote him a letter last nite saying some of the things I think would help us (counseling, therapy or things) and I felt like he seemed down and depressed and that I would help him and go with him if he wanted to feel better. (I'm trying not to make him feel as if I think something is WRONG with him) but this morning when I left for work, I chickened out on leaving it for him. I don't know why - but I also don't want to hurt his feelings. I think its what I need to do though. I think maybe tonite I will try to give it to him. <br>Last nite when I got home, he was quiet for the first few minutes and when I opened up and started just talking about things - he was so happy and in a great mood. Thats his way of resolving conflicts - ignoring them. <br>And I know he doesn't want me to bring up the problems. I think they hurt him to hear that anything could possibly be wrong? <br>I bought one of Harleys books and I want to try HARD to see if I can resolve some things myself.