HI ALL,<BR> Well, I haven't posted for a while. Didn't want to bring everyone down as things are hurtling towards divorce (July 7th).<BR> BUT...... the last week has been a DOOZY and I need some input please!!<P> Quick update: Married 15 years, W (47) has been living with OM ( 61 ) (me 45) for 9 months. At first, she called everyday, talked 4 hours on the phone. Then, her Father died and after I helped her through that, less and less contact. 37 days since last talked to her. <P> I did an almost PERFECT plan "A" but as contact slowed down, and she filed for D. I just sent cards and little gifts. She never mentioned them. Big gap in story for time's sake. Mostly, got along better than when we were together (at least since OM slithered into the picture)<P> Last words.... W, "I'm not your Wife anymore" Me, "Of course you are, you can pretend, but you are" W that's why I just want this behind me" Me. "I love you" W " I don't know why you keep trying because it's over" I said nothing as I pulled the knife out of my heart and decided instead of "Letting her off the hook" (She was REALLY PMSing) I let THAT be the last words and just said "OK, I'll talk to you later" <BR> That was 37 days ago. Hard to believe as I type this as this is the LONGEST in 15 years we haven't spoken. <P> Well here's the questions. As I said last week was a BEAUTY!! OM's STBX has called me all along and we compare info. Well, she dropped a BOMB last week.<BR> She told me a co-worker who just happens to be my W's boss's H told her they were getting married!! AND they ALREADY sent out invitations!!! They are getting married the week after our D!! <BR> Let me repeat that they ALREADY SENT PRINTED INVITATIONS!!! Can you imagine!!!<BR> Well, that was Tuesday.<BR> Then I get a call from a friend at the car dealer where we get our cars that my W just went and leased the car of her dreams. A $38,000.00 Toyota 4-Runner!! She makes $500 a week and the lease payment is $500 a MONTH!!<BR> Anyway, OK so she's getting "on" with her life right?<P> Well, today (Father's Day) SHE CALLS AND LEAVES A MESSAGE WHEN SHE KNOWS I'M IN CHURCH TO WISH ME A HAPPY FATHERS DAY AND..... BY THE WAY, SHE GOT THIS CAR AND IT'S NICE AND SHE LIKES IT!!<P> GEE, thanks for the info and SURE I'll have a GREAT Father's Day with my WIFE planning a WEDDING with her LOVER AND MY FAMILY DESTROYED BY THIS SNAKE OF A OM!! And our (her's from a previous marriage that I raised from little children and love like my own) children are BOTH newlyweds and in their 20's!!!!<BR> WHAT, is she THINKING???????? Is this just a twist of the knife??? (an excuse to tell me about the new car) OR what?? It's really baffling to me at this point WHY she called????<P> OK, maybe it WAS a nice gesture, maybe a little guilt? Or was it a dig of some kind?<BR> The optimist in me wants to think that MAYBE the WI were sent a while ago and Father's day softened her heart a little and she felt she should call or MAYBE in some twisted way she's looking to tell me about the car since I AM her H and it is a big purchase and she's looking for my approval?? <P> Believe me, I figured that little "mystery" that was posted about the dead battery the other day in a minute . This, is a REAL MYSTERY!!!!! HELLLLPPPPPP!!! <BR> GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

{{{{{FRANK}}}}},<P>I'm so sorry for the bad news...<P>I'm not sure how I can help...<BR>...other than to say...<BR>...I'm quite sure I'll be joining you on this one.<P>I fully expect my W to marry the OM <B>very</B> shortly after we divorce (August 7th should be our day )<P>This (our spouses getting married), counts as the mother of all LBs against us.<P>If after a few days, to get your composure together, you think it would be right... transition into a Plan B.<P>If/when my W marrys her OM...<BR>...I truly feel a "no contact" type of relationship would be best for me.<P>My prayers are with you Frank.<P>Protect yourself and your feelings for life!<BR>Now is definitely the time to be in some form of counseling <B>for yourself</B>!... Please!<P> <P>Jim

Who can figure these things out? I think the betrayeds go through the same sort of push/pull that we do. It seems as though the car was an excuse to call. Seems a dumb reason to call after all of that. Maybe she had something else in mind, but didn't have to courage to go there? I don't know.<P>I think sometimes these things get a life of their own. People get caught up in the momentum and find themselves in situations that they didn't see coming. (weddings, divorces, OCs, affairs, family functions,etc) Maybe this is one of them? <P>At any rate, since there is nothing you can do to stop it, I also think Plan b is in order. You have to look out for yourself now. You did all you could. I'm sorry.

PH,<BR>I don't know as I can offer any advice, but I am in a similar situation. There is no set date for when the divorce is final, but I know H & OW will be married shortly afterwards. While H was still living with me (and pretending to be repairing our marriage) I found a list of things "to do" he had written. One of them was "Marry J.C." Talk about a LB!!! So I have no doubt that he & OW will be married by the end of the year. I know it seems surreal, especially when you had envisioned yourself with this person for the rest of your life. It's hard to imagine them living out their life with someone other than you. It hurts like he!!. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi PH -<P>Well....Yuck!!!!<P>I am sorry for the slams that must have given you....BIG HUGS for you Frank.<P>I will give you a new optimism shot though....roll up your sleeve!!!<P>These actions really do play right into the little fantasy world her brain is living in now though, don't they? <P>Think about it......the woman is not even divorced yet and has sent out invitations? My God, Emily Post is having a stroke!!!!! Talk about lack of etiquette!!!! Sheesh!!!!<P>I am curious, did she sent these invitations to the kids? <P>About Father's Day call, probably just a moment of semi-reality!! You are a father to her children and she knows it!! Some guilt going on along with some brain function in the memory department of her mind.....that's a good thing!!! The car was just something to talk about and a way for her to "share" with you (even though we know it's ridiculous - she doesn't!!).<P>Like I try to tell NSR - don't get caught up in the "marriage" thing they think they are headed to. Even if they do get that far....how long will that last with all the baggage they are carrying? <P>Think of it as a very bad extension of the "fantasy".....for that is what it is. As long as they have not faced and overcome thier problems with this marriage....any future one is doomed!!!<P>Hang in there friend, God watches over us!!!!<P>More BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P><BR>

Dear Frank, <BR>First, sorry. I remember you and wondered where you'd gone. Wife said OM was Just A Friend. Yeah, right. My H has a Friend too.<P>SORRY, SORRY. <P>First thing that jumps into my head - the car thing. What does your lawyer say? Is the car part of a community debt, in the event that she defaults on monthly payments, since you are still legally married? Hopefully the OM signed the papers for her.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Frank,<P>Sorry for your pain. The fog is really thick up in your neck of the woods.<P>Now, you didn't hear this from me, but is there any way that you could get a continuance (sp) and have the final date, say, two weeks later?<P>Just wondering

Frank,<P>I am so sorry to hear this. I would ask my usual "Has she lost her mind?" but we all know the answer to that one at this point, hopefully she will find it again.<P>Finding out about the invitations had to have hurt.<P>I think you need to talk to your lawyer about the car thing, make sure there is no way you will have to be responsible for that debt. <P>When Mike was living with Wildebeast she left her purse at my house, well it just happened to fall off the counter where she left it, and it just happened to have been open, and everything in it happened to fall out. I had to pick it up, didn't I ? Of course I did. I saw a letter she had gotten frm a friend of hers addressed to Wildebeast Ourlastname. We never even filed for D !<P>I freaked totally, told Mike off 7 ways from Sunday. The air around us turned blue ! He denied telling her she could use our name. Then I discovered that she went to Mexico with him, using my voters registeration card as proof of HER American citizenship. (She had no id at all) I really cut loose then !<BR>It was a bad time all around !<P>This has to be even worse for you than that was for me. One day she will see what she is doing/has done, that will be a sad day for her.<BR> <P><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Jim,<BR> It doesn't seem fair that you have to deal wit this. You are sooo helpful here and deserve to "win" this battle. Hey, you never know right? God is a weird type of guy. I'm really not a Plan "B" person. I'll be fine in the long run either way, and so will you brother. It's SOOOO weird isn't it? Read my LATEST post if you doubt that!!<P>popeye,<BR> I'm a hopeless optimist!! And I too thought she used it as an excuse. BUT.... wait till you read my LATEST!! WHEW!! I think it DOES take on a "life" too!! <P>Keridwen,<BR> Have you read Frank Pitman's "Private Lies" it's a MUST read for cases where WS plans to marry OP!! I never thought I'd have to read the "Last few pages" that outline in GREAT detail and incredible logic WHY and HOW these "Affair Marriages" collapse.<BR> A quote: "The likely hood that the betrayer will return to the "original spouse" within five years is MUCH more likely than this marriage being stable" something like that!! That's something to look forward to huh? <P>Hey Sheba!!<BR> "My God, Emily Post is having a stroke!!!!! LOL!! Thanks I needed that! Yes, I now MY W and yes, in some twisted way she DID want to "Share" with me!! And YES the guilt did hit her about me and the kids. They call and see me MUCH MORE than her!! PLEASE PLEASE read my NEW post!! Oh, Sheba thanks my friend (who for your sake I wish we weren't such OLD friends, been here too long us vets!!) I we could only get OUT of this PLACE!!!! If I ever get out of here. Thought of giving it all away........<P>Bellevue,<BR> Hey, yeah friends!! Aren't they lucky?? W said once "He's my BEST friend" YUCK!! Yeah, he's your best friend huh? I just loved you and stayed with you (STILL) through ALL the BULL ( W has emotional problems BIGTIME used to cry uncontrollably while I held her for HOURS!!) and raise your kids for 15years, He ruins ANY hope of a "normal" family for your children (I'm her 3rd H!! 1st 7 years and the kids, 2nd 1 year US 15 years!!) yeah, he's your best friend allright. me, chopped liver on stale bread?<P>grandpabri2,<BR> Two weeks? Hmmmm, why do you ask?? The fog is amazing huh? Do you think it's lifting?? How are you BTW? How's the battle?<P>deb,<BR> WOW, that must have hurt!! Using YOUR married name?? WHAT are these people made of?? What are they thinking?? <BR>"One day she will see what she is doing/has done, that will be a sad day for her"<BR> That's what I'm afraid of Deb. Believe it or not, I get SADDER thinking about HER pain when she finally "wakes up" <P> I have NO DOUBT I my mind that MY WIFE still loves me. Crazy? Maybe. But I KNOW her SOOO much better than ANYONE EVER has. I know who she REALLY is. This is SO not her. The problem is she's ALWAYS had an "evil twin" I've covered up for her for 15 yrs. And also, bore her wrath. <P> BUT, there is a wonderful person that always "Pays" for what the "Twin" does. My heart hurts at the thought of what she will make herself "Pay" for this one!! I read once "The greatest gift you can give your children is two parents that LOVE each other. This is what will get to her..<P><P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

((((((((((((((((((Frank))))))))))))))))))))))<P>I think that your W's call about Father's day was sincere. You have been a wonderful father to your children, and she should acknowledge that. <BR>As for the rest of it, I wish I could figure it out. She's definately confused. <BR>About the invitations, have you heard anything about them from a more reliable source?<P>------------------<BR>You can't live with them, you can't kill them.<BR>*Viki

PC,<BR>I think it is a total lapse of common sense. My x kept dropping her vacation plans on me, we are going on a cruise, she told my lawyer that she hoped the divorce wouldn't interupt her vacation.<P>Also within a month after moving out he and her had a joint checking account. I don't know how they got the checks printed that fast.<P>I don't think they even think of us anymore. They just want someone to ask about the vacation/car/etc. I think its an attempt for them to validate what they are doing.<P>Hang in,<P>Bob