I've been separated from my husband several times. There are things I've done when separated from him that I'm not proud of and that I think is personal. I don't see the point of telling all I did when we were not together. Nor do I push him to reveal all. (For example, I don't think I should tell about my erotic dreams when I sleep, that is personal.) I do feel that it is important to be honest about the period that we are together as husband and wife. Opening Pandora's box just because it might bring us closer seems silly to me. Does hiding the details about my life when separated harm the marriage? Can someone enlighten me if you feel it is required?

Felicia,<BR>This is a tough one. Dr. Harley recommends total honesty and this website is based on his MB principles so you will probably have lots of advice about total honesty being the "way to go". I however, don't agree that total honesty is always best. When you are on shakey ground anyway, total honesty may be what pushes someone past the point of no return. Then again, some will say that if your marriage can't survive the total honesty, then it wasn't a good marriage anyway. I think some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes you just have to let things go. I guess it depends on the type of secret you have, too. And the circumstances. If you went on a couple of dates because you and your H were planning to be divorced, then I don't see why that would be a big deal, but a full-blown affair may be a problem. Of course, there is always the consideration that if you DON'T tell him it may come back later to bite you in the butt and you would have to start all over again with trust issues. In that respect, it may be better to have everything up front so there are no surprises and you both know what you are dealing with. It also would help to restore trust on a level playing field and there would be no issues later if a "secret" came out after you supposedly restored trust. It could seriously damage any progress you might have made. I know I'm rambling, but there are a lot of ramifications to deal with. I can't tell you what is best, only you can decide, but maybe I've given you some pros and cons to consider. Also consider, if you don't tell, you will always have it hanging over your head that he may find out some other way. It might be better for him to find out from you. Best of luck to you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Does hiding the details about my life when separated harm the marriage?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>How about when your back together, but your at work and you wanna see someone? What about when you run to the store and give someone a quick call? See where this leads?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>There are things I've done when separated from him that I'm not proud of and that I think is personal.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>So I guess when you got married, you thought there were plenty of things in your life that he should NOT know. Didn’t you at one time want to give him you, TOTALLY?<P>Telling the truth may not always help a marriage, but lying (whether it is untruths, misleading, or NOT telling something, it’s all the same) will ALWAYS hurt a mariiage/relationship.<P>Perhaps it’s something you should talk about with your h. Ask him how he feels about discussing what you both did in your “personal” lives while separated. Also talk about why both of you want/not want to discuss it.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Opening Pandora's box just because it might bring us closer seems silly to me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So you really don’t WANT to get closer to your husband. After all it is “silly” to bring you closer together.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>