After 5 years of separation (long story). I finally decided that it was time to file for divorce. H was in agreement. <P>Since we have been separated for 5 yrs we don't really have any shared property or finances. No children either. So it was going to be easy (emotions aside). I got the paperwork to do it myself. But after hearing all the horror stories of people having to pay filing fees several times before they got their paperwork right, I decided to have a Paralegal handle it. <P>I gave her all the information and she sent it to the courts with a check to get this started. I paid her in full and I felt relieved. <P>Then after I hadn't heard from her in awhile but the checks had been cashed I started calling her. She always had an excuse. <P>In CA you have to file then the paperwork goes to the spouse for consideration. If the spouse responds they then have to pay a filing fee. My H knew not to respond, he would be considered "missing" and after 30days the formal filing could be done. <P>Well H never received the paperwork. So the formal filing could not happen. <BR>When I called the paralegal today to get her newest excuse, her phone had been disconnected. She's skipped town! <P>So now I have to start all over. <BR>Could this be a sign that we should try to reconcile one more time? I'm not really enthusiastic about reconciling at this point, he's had too many EA's and PA's it's taken all the love I have for him away. When we spend time together, we get along, but things happen to remind me of how he can't/won't change to make our marriage work. <BR>Then last year I met someone that I really cared about, but I felt that since I was still married I should not be dating. <P>I just want things to go smoothly and have a clean swift divorce. I guess that's too much to ask. I know that sounds callous but I've really tried these last 5 yrs and nothing has worked.<P>Thank you for letting me vent. I feel better. <p>[This message has been edited by AStrongerMe (edited June 21, 2000).]

Do you have any love left for your H? If he was willing, would you commit to a plan to save the marriage?? Then I would say, give it another chance. Even though time has passed, if there is a chance to save it, you should try. If you have no love left, if neither you or he have a plan in mind to restore it, then it would seem that you should proceed with the divorce. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Thanks for your reply Sue. <BR>Actually, it's very easy to say I will try again, but in reality it never works. Do I love him still? Good question. No I don't that I will ever regain the love that it takes to really make a marriage with him work. <P>Anyway, it's all a moot point, my paralegal surfaced again. She had to leave town suddenly for a family crisis. So the paperwork is back in the system. <P>Maybe all of this was a sign to really look into my heart and feel right about the direction we are headed. I feel like the divorce is what we both need at this point. <P>I want to move forward with my life. And darn it I'm going to start enjoying it!