it has been months since I visited the Forum I left shortly after my ex filed for divorce and moved his woman to town. That was a year ago then about 5 months ago he met with me and told me he didn't want to come back home but he was "dumping her" in June well I divorce became final in April, the first weekend he had the kids after finalization he kept them refusing to bring them home. (He had previously not been given overnight visitation) I let that be omitted in the final decree (verbal agreement between ex and I when he was on his own we would see how things were going.(He agreed). He had also told me even though he had physically moved her to town he did not emotionally he just didn't have the guts to tell her NO! He had also told friends(of his) he was out of there when school was out. Well, true to form of lies they have since bought a house and just ask the kids this past weekend how they would feel if he married OW. I know I'm rambling.......but how do you all survive this stuff. I thought I was doing so much better and then this sudden rush of saddness reenters.... I keep thinking about the book and how most affairs die..but this one seems to be moving on .......why can't I????? I do my utmost to avoid all contact with him. When he picks up the kids I make every attempt possible not to be here, and if I do I do not surface.... the last time I was here he made some excuse that he needed to talk to me, and it was to tell me my daughter didn't wear her blue jeans home and he hoped that was ok. Then yesterday , his day to call the kids between 8:30 and 9:00 at night.....he called at 3:00pm and talked to them ...am I maybe reading in to this that he thought maybe I would answer the phone I just happened to look at the caller ID (thank goodness). Then at 8:30 the phone rang I not thinking it was him because he had already called for the day, called and said HI! Hey just wanted to call and let you know I was picking up the kids tomorrow , ok<BR>(it's his normal day) Why the contact/..?? I'm going crazy!!!!!!!! Stuff like this happens periodically. Any body else here go thru this. Like I said haven't been here for awhile and I know many of you have become close friends.. I recognise some of your names and I am glad you still post. I admire your dedication here. Thanks for listening.

cbs, good to hear from you again!<P>I think as much as he wants to “move on”, he can’t just walk away from your relationship. Will he marry the ow? Most likely not. If he does, odds are it will go down the tubes. But it may not.

Hi CBS- I know what you mean about thinking x is out to drive you crazy. Mine thinks I am the "Queen ***** of the Universe." However, he has no idea that no one has died and made him God. I have no idea what makes him treat me the way he does. I just feel like he has decided his life's mission is to make my life miserable.<P>Your x is probably like mine. He could use a good therapist to help him get a reality check and, possibly, a good psychiatrist to see if there is anything chemically wrong. I try to remember my x is from a nutty family (I hope my children don't end up nutty), that he's one sick puppy (emotionally), and that the best thing I can do for myself is - like you- stay as far away from him as possible. It really saddens me that my children can't grow up in a home with both their parents having a loving relationship with each other so that they can see a better model. But it is more important that they know we love them even if we can't live together.<P>It makes me crazy sometimes when I think what I have lost and what they have lost. But the man my x has become - that I don't miss.

Thanks for your replys, my 5 year old today started crying and I asked her what was wrong and she said "I just want my daddy to come back home and watch me grow up". Now today was a bright and sunny day and the birds are singing and life goes on. But, now for my little girl life isn't the same. The other two kids seem to be doing pretty good but this one.....she is a lot like her dad.(oh my) But, you're right he does need some help, but you can't help those who won't help themselves, I tried! That day he met me he cried and said his life was miserable he can't get along with me and he fights with OW all the time. But, life with them goes on..I heard today he bought her a ring. I guess I know that it probably won't work,,,,,,I didn't think it would make it this long. But, that two years in the open ain't over til October. I know since we separated I have found out so much of his past(child hood)things with his divorced parents I had no idea when we were married. I too, like you don't want my kids to grow up Nutty but now how do we help keep them sane. I don't put dad and another woman down. I do correct my kids when they say she told them to keep secrets from me. I tell them they are not to keep secrets from me or dad unless they are happy secrets like birthday or christmas surprises. They told me she slapped my 4 yr old in the face. I told them they need to tell the parent in charge, that would be dad and please continue to share this information with me. I figure if it continues then it becomes an issue. Right now the kids are testing the waters to see how much I react to things. They told me they make faces behind her back because she is mean. As much as I wanted to condon this behavior, I took the parental stand and explained this is not good behavior. For Fathers Day, I let the kids give him a card and bought a little present and let them wrap it. even though every ounce of me wanted to say I'm not spending a penny on the man that walked out on us. This is a tough road and I'm thankful for all of you being here to help.

I'm sorry to be on the therapist bandwagon but mine have been so good for me. I've had a couple - some of them deal more effectively with some issues than others. One deals better with spiritual issues than the other. One is better with practical issues. Then there are my children's therapists. Well worth the money. Sometimes you can find good places with sliding scales. I thank God daily for ours.<P><BR>My children were 4 and 2 when their dad left us. Since she was 6 my daughter's been seeing a psychologist. We're down to every 2 weeks and could go to every 3 or 4 except x is getting married in October and I don't know how much this is going to upset everything. My son is 7 now and he's been seeing a therapist, also, for 2 years. We're at every week and will stay there. I can't really afford it but I wouldn't do without. <BR>

I have the 10 year old in therapy. The money is a big issue. I do feel it helps. My other girls were also 4 and 2 when the ex left. The one that was 2 seems to handle things well but she was younger and a different personality. I can't afford right now to have my 5 year old in therapy because of the older girl. She was just diagnosed bi-polar and already knew she was ADHD, but since ex left she was out of control. Attempted suicide at the age of 9. That not only having to do with ex leaving just many many issues. We are down to every 2 weeks with her , but after insurance and the sliding scale thing I owe over 700. for her therapy and that is with me paying some each time she goes. The 5 year old is due to dad leaving most of the time she talks to me. But she has been pretty teary the last week. I just feel so for her the most I had to worry about at 5 was do I play with my dolls or beat my brother, ya know? Times are a changing. And I do agree counseling helps. Thanks cinderalla.