I know that many of you were the ones who filed for divorce. I've read through Nellie's thread on being in the wrong forum twice. What I'm wondering is, how many of you who have filed are still in Plan A?<P>For many of us, divorce is self-defense. Either financially or emotionally, we're trying to keep ourselves and our children from harm. We haven't been given a choice. We have to do this.<P>I'm asking, because my H (or maybe that should be stbx, since I've paid the retainer and filing fee) has been calling me the past 2 days. He doesn't know what I'm doing, but he did hear from what he considered a trustworthy source (a mutual friend) that I had filed. I honestly told him I hadn't. I think this is why he's called, asking if I want him to come home. He hasn't said he would stop all contact with OW. What he did say was that he didn't care what she did. The fog is lifting, I think. There's trouble in Paradise, and Fantasyland is losing to reality. In 2 words, he's scared.<P>He's currently driving a truck. He called this morning to ask if I would go on a 9-10 hour trip with him tonight. I don't know if I should. It would give us the opportunity to talk. This doesn't mean that I would stop the D. I don't know that I can, considering everything that's involved. But like I told him, I don't want to listen to his lies anymore. <P>I also don't know if I should tell him that the kids and I are moving in a couple of weeks. I'm afraid if I tell him that I AM filing, he'll do something stupid, either to protect himself (I'm not out to "get" him) or to try to stop me. I'm not certain that he really wants his family back and to make a fresh start with me, or whether he's afraid he'll lose the last of what he has and will be alone.<P>It took a long time and a lot of soul-searching to make the decision to retain an attorney. It was like climbing off my own fence. But now, I feel like I have a foot back on that fence again.<P>Am I crazy?<P>2sad<P><BR>

I’m a bit confused. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>He doesn't know what I'm doing, but he did hear from what he considered a trustworthy source (a mutual friend) that I had filed. I honestly told him I hadn't.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You say you are in Plan A, yet you lie to your husband? Plan A you do NOT lie at all (any other plan either)<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'm afraid if I tell him that I AM filing, he'll do something stupid, either to protect himself (I'm not out to "get" him) or to try to stop me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>What is stupid about wanting to protect yourself (seems that is what you are doing) or him wanting to stop you (he can’t stop you from filing.) Besides, you are in Plan A to show him you love him still.<P>So why are you filing? Is it the financial or the emotional distress?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Chris,<P>Sorry, I wasn't clear. I am NOT in Plan A, I was just wondering how many had filed but were. As for lying, I see your point. I don't or didn't consider not telling him a lie, I considered it self-defense. But you're right, omission is a lie. I'm not trying to protect ony myself. In fact, if it were me, alone, I'd have told him. But there are other people involved, a sale of property, and my kids. He's done some dumb things lately, and I don't want him to react in a way that will hurt anyone, including him.<P>I've worked through this. Thanks for your comments. They helped me see this more clearly. I'll be spending 9-10 hours with him tonight, confined in a semi cab. I hope we can find some honesty and closure.<P>2sad