It took me months to find a job after my H left, since I had been a SAHM for quite a while, but it is no where near enough to support six kids, much less send some of them to college. Now that my H is out of work, he will be required to pay very little child support - not nearly enough, even with my income, to live on. Even if I could find a full-time job, it wouldn't do any good because daycare costs would eat up all the additional income. At least if he were home and unemployed, I wouldn't have to worry about daycare. Selling the house wouldn't help much, because rents around here (for something big enough to hold all the kids) are higher than my mortgage payment. The kids who are old enough to work have jobs. They don't have cars of their own. They are happy to buy their clothes at Wal-mart, as am I. There are not too many more ways to cut back. <P>All you have to do if you are having financial difficulties is leave your family, and you will never again be required to pay more than a reasonable percentage of your income toward their support. If it costs more to support your family than you earn, it is no longer your problem. As my H said, the courts can not force the non-custodial parent to go bankrupt. Apparently the custodial parent is a different story.

Nellie,<P>Check in your area for low income housing. It's called either "Title" something or "Chapter" something. Rent is based on income.<P>2sad

Nellie...God, what a mess. I know how hard it is, but at least my H still has a job. Of course, with the way he's been acting it wouldn't surprise me if he quit that too. Now, as for you, if your mortgage is cheaper than rent, then it's important for you to stay there. Have you made any inquiries into food stamps, WIC, anything? I know there are programs to help women in your position. I know it's hard to ask for help sometimes, but if it keeps you in your home and food on the table, it's worth it. And I can completely relate to the cost of daycare. Could one of your older kids babysit for you? At least for the summer? I know I don't completely know your circumstances. I'm just trying to throw some ideas out there. What about other family? Is there anybody else who could help you? I hope everything works out for you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keridwen,<P>One of my kids already is babysitting for me, in addition to working herself, different shifts. You can't get food stamps if you have more than one vehicle per household, and I can't drive everyone to work and still work myself. I have almost no other family. My parents have been dead for decades.<P>2sad,<P>I have heard that their is a ridiculously long wait for low income housing, not that I would necessarily want to raise my kids in the areas where most of it is located anyway. I could find cheaper housing, if I were willing to commute well over an hour to work - but with gas approaching two bucks a gallon, that would probably eat up the savings.

Dear Nellie, <P>You have really had a hard time, and are continuing to have one. If only your H would wake up and realize just what a wonderful and caring person he has and what he is doing to his family........<P>I would strongly suggest you go to social services if you haven't already. Also, check out web sites for info on career opportunities. <P>You are a strong and vital person....when our backs are truly against the wall, we will do what we need to for our children...you will make it, you will survive this......<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Nellie, this is going to be harsh,<P>This is a cop-out for your husband. In our state, there is some type of thing about "voluntary poverty" or something like that - which would apply to your husband. Many husbands will quit a job to get out of paying support. His ability to earn is what the child support is based on. If he is living with her, that income may count too. Check with your attorney. If it isn't a good divorce attorney, get a new one. If you don't have the money, ensure that all court costs (including the attorney fees) will be payed by your husband. You can do that. <P>Don't think of this as driving your husband away, this is protecting your children and your home. He cannot close his eyes to what he is doing. If he has to get two crappy jobs, let him Nellie. Maybe the financial reality of the situation will knock some sense into his very thick head. Protect yourself, do not think you contributed anything less to that marriage being a stay at home mom.

sue,<P>I have a good job - one of the better paying part-time jobs, and it is very flexible, which is essential with six kids and no one else to take care of them if they get sick, etc. One problem is the cost of living is very high here.<P>honey.west,<P>My H is trying to find another job, but it isn't always easy in his field to find a job at his age. I doubt that her income would count at all, except that his housing expenses should be less than if he were living alone. I got the impression that the child support would be based on his ability to earn only if he were not actively looking for work. Unfortunately, the maximum unemployment in this state is much, much lower than the income needed to support a family. <BR>