Well, here I am over here.<P>I have decided that I don't want any part of him any longer. He is not attempting or trying anything, just saying things like he is trying to get back into my life, but he *wants* a little more time to be sure of what it is he wants. (does that make sense..) Seems to me that it is only his wants and needs that are being considered here.<BR>Since he has moved here, some 2 months, he has done nothing but say what he wants, and then he does the complete opposite. He is *very* busy building a network of friends, collegues, acquatinances up here, so much so that when his daughter broke her arm last week, he went to a work function that he HAD to go to that night. When he phoned later that night to see how she was, I heard some girl in the background say "come on H, we want to go play....."<BR>Sounds very formal and business-like to me... A real work function. Something that was so important, it just couldn't be missed. Yeah right.<P>Do I sound bitter? I have tried so hard to be understanding, rational, supportive etc etc etc because he got the sack (which I still believe led to all this) BUT, I have my limit. He is just being so selfish. He has tunnel vision where he is concerned. It is him at the top, him at the bottom, and him in between.<BR>The last straw was not being there for his daughter. I am quite used to our arrangements being put on hold for work purposes, but I'm an adult and can understand. His little 4 1/2 yo d does not.<P>He is hopefully coming over tomorrow night so we can discuss the divorce papers. He has had the custody papers for a week now, but has not returned them. I am trying to get him to agree to the separation date being 6 May '99, so I can get divorced any time now. He says he doesn't want a divorce, and the date that I technically left was 2 Sep '99. He doesn't want to do anything before then. I guess that ball is out of my court, and even if he won't agree to the earlier date, the second date is only another 10 weeks. I can wait that long.<BR>I just want some closure to all this. He has jerked my chain for long enough, and is now starting to push all my grumpy buttons.!!! I hate being grumpy. My children deserve better.<P>I also think I'm just about to go back to work. It's with the airlines again and I'm still tossing it around in my head. Having 2 children makes it hard, and knowing that I can't rely on him to help out makes it harder. The thing that concerns me most is the early starts, not the shiftwork so much. I don't have to make up my mind until the end of July, when training starts. Oh well, I'll think about that one some more.<P>BTW - Mitzi, was it you who wanted the bath bomb receipe. Well, I finally posted it on general questions just now. I know it's only about 2 months later than planned, but things caught up with me somewhat....<BR>Hope you enjoy them.<P>love and hugs to everyone<P>Jo

glad/sorry you are here. i know what you mean about losing patience wating for them to not be selfish. how could he just leave a hurt child like that? sigh.<BR>anyway, there seems to be some nice support here <BR>good luck

Hi Jo,<P>Hate to see you have to come over this section, but welcome anyway! Hope your daughter is doing well. Take care.<P>Tulip

Jo...<P>It's been a long time... <P>We missed you.!<P>Sorry this is the forum you are coming back to. <P>We all have out limits...<BR>...changes in some of our spouses may takes years... or do I dare say it... decades...<P>Life is short...<P>Know that my prayers are still with you!<P> <P>Jim

Hi Jo,<P>I'm sorry you've moved over here but at least you're in good company! <BR>I try to stay here, too but sometimes reply at Gen. Questions.<P>THanks for the bath bomb recipe! I'm gonna try it out this weekend. (No, I won't be serving it at a dinner party like Medic! LOL)<P>Hugs,<BR>Mitzi <BR>

Hi Jo,<P>Welcome to the "divorced" side. I haven't seen you in a while, but you will surely see lots of familiar names, mine not sounding familiar maybe, its because this is LONELYMOM. I recently changed my name, there is a post about it.<P>I myself am not posting as much, but I am lurking about, just wanted to say hi.<P>Dana<BR>

Thanks guys for replying. It's so good to be back. As I said on general questions, I don't really know why I left, however, here I am.<P>Well, the latest update is as follows.<BR>He came over last night to discuss the residency/divorce papers. (Residency papers are regarding the children.) It was all very nice, and calm, with no 'loud voices' or anger. We actually had quite a civilised conversation about everything.<BR>The upshot is this: he does not see why I want/need some closure to all this. He does not see why I would want to be divorced just yet. He thinks we should give it a bit more time. I have times when I agree with that statement, and then I replay the following comments of his in my head.<BR>He said last night to me (and has said this before also) that he still does not know what he feels for me. He does not know what is in his heart. He wants to be 100% certain that whatever road he takes is the right one. He does not want to over-promise and under-deliver. I can only assume he is talking about reconciliation. When pressed for an exact meaning, he just says 'whatever road I decide to take'.......<BR>It seems to me that he wants me to wait around, putting my life on hold, while he tries to sort himself out. <BR>I really wish I could do that. However, I really don't see the point. He has had 12 months of being on his own and 3 'relationships' in that time. I did ask him last night that if he was so unsure about us, why was he going ahead and having new relationships all the time. He replied 'companionship'. Yep, I understand that, but surely that clouds the issues for him. <BR>He did say last night that he is going to get some more counselling. He has had 2 counsellors to date - one with me which he lied through his teeth to, and another after I had left. Both left him with more questions than they helped him answer. I guess it is a good sign that HE recognises that he needs help with this, and seems to be willing to go get it.<BR>I can't wait any longer for him to make up his mind. In fact, it's not even him having to make up his mind. It's him trying to decide if he loves me, and wants our family back together again. Only he can sort that out, it could be tomorrow, it could be next year, or it may be never.<BR>I think he is so unfair to even ask me to put the divorce on hold. How in blazes do I get on with my life, and have him dangling over my head the whole time. Wondering if this will be the week that he decides that he wants his family back, and yes, he does love his wife. <BR>It is all just too much to bear. I have to go ahead with the divorce, and then in the future, if he decides that it is his family that he wants, we'll deal with that then.<BR>To me it seems the only way. No matter what I do or say, it has no bearing on where he is at the moment.<BR>I will continue to try and be supportive, let him know that I am his friend, and support his efforts where our children are concerned. But I do need closure.<P>Do you guys think my decision is so wrong? I would love feedback from you, people who are in the same boat. All my friends at MB!!!!!!!<P>hope everyone is ok today. love and hugs to you all<P>Jo<P>ps - Hey Dana, good to talk to you. I did think it was you!!!

Just checking in to see if you came back for a reply. Feel free to email me at my yahoo address. Dana<BR>