Morning to you all,<BR>It has been a while since I have posted, but alot has happened. And a lot of "not so good."<P>I am totally at a loss here. I have done what I think are all the right things with Plan A to let my W know that I don't wanna give our marriage up, BUT...she will NOT budge at all on her stance of "moving on" as she says. She can't say Divorce, she says "moving on" all the time!<P>Well yesterday (Sunday) in our discussions of marital stuff, she said she is tired of living out of her suitcase. She does want the house and that is fine, I don't want it! But she is wanting me to be out by the end of July, or sooner.<P>So here I am looking for a place to live, lost with what to do and lost with WHY THE HECK this happened. Oh I know what the underlying issues are, but why this has to keep happening is beyond me! I came back from the lowest point of my life to totally get back into this marriage! But she can do it...she told me that! She just said "drew" we need to move on! UGH!!!<P>It is so damn hard to Plan A when a divorce is pending!<P>I don't know what else to say, do or how to react! Guess the peverbial "Cat has my tongue" here!<P>I am numb, lost and feel like do do! Oh I have some bright spots in my life, but they aren't attainable right now or yet! I know that I can move on and be happy again, but really people, am I giving up to easy or early here???<P>Should I be more aggressive, or will that just make it worse and turn a respectful situation into a spiteful one?<P>I guess my real question is: AM I GIVING UP TO EASY HERE????<P>HELP ME<P>Drew

Are you giving up at all? You haven't really said what you plan to do or what she is going to do. You say you have tried. What exactly does that mean? I thought I was trying and doing all the right things before my marriage blew up, but the effort is meaningless unless it addressed the spouse's needs. Maybe that is the problem?<P>It's hard to know what to tell you. We all ask ourselves if we're giving up too soon, is this really it (for the 50th time). I think it's just part of the cycle. I am not sure I am even through mine yet, but I keep going by trying to see the blessings in every day. I will retain my love for my H even if he doesn't. It is something I believed in, so I do it for myself. If he wants to be a part of it, he can. If he doesn't, well that's okay too.<P>I guess I am kind of like you then. I am not aggressive in pursuing this because I feel it's up to him to want it or not want it. Does that mean I am not doing enough? Maybe some would see it that way, but that is what I have to do for me. I don't believe in subjecting someone else to my will. <P>Anyway, don't allow this situation to steal your love. Both of you will benefit from its existance even if you ultimately end up not together.

Drew,<BR>How long has this been going on? You say it's been a while since you've been here, but you don't mention how long you and your W have been having problems. Is there an affair involved? <P>I will give you one little piece of advice that I found to be true in my situation. No matter how badly YOU want it to work, if the other person IS NOT willing to work with you, there is not much you can do. If they want to pursue divorce, then they can do it. My H was totally out of the picture for a long time before I realized it. Once I saw that I was the only one truly trying, I was able to move on. I know it hurts like he!!. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

I don't want to give up, that is the hard part...well I don't think I do! But she doesn't give me any room to try. She listens to me and I think hears me, but then always says Drew I NEED THIS...Well then I just feel like "what's the use" she isn't hearing me at all, and I always wonder! WHY THE HELL am I working so hard or WAS I working so hard when it just isn'tgoing to happen...at least from her angle!<P>Tis hard to stay focused when the other side isn't putting any effort to fix it instead of "Take the easy way out" (that is how I feel today, that she IS taking the easy way out)<P>Hard to put an effort forth when all's you get is "I need to move on" <P>We've done the EN questionaire, the talks, the sharing, all of it. well all of what I can see that is right. I guess I am asking what else does one do?<P>Lost soul right now. Thankfully I have a couple of "venting" sources...here and another friend that has become very close!<P>Thank god for friends and good people! Oh she is a good person. Sometimes I wish she wasn't, it would make this easy and quick. But the fact of the matter is, she is a good woman.! UGHHHHHHHH

Keridwen,<BR>We've been sorting our marriage out for over a year! I had issues that made me pull away from her. Mothers Death and Fathers Death and estate stuff...and I pulled away, but she work hard at getting me back, but then lost herself with us along the way also!<P>I haven't posted on MB for a week cause this has all really "ballooned" since last Monday! It is like she is in a hurry all the sudden! Which obviously makes me think of an OM or something!<P>Your right, not a heck of alot I can do if she isn't willing to work. She is an attorney, I know the legal system pretty well and if she wants this, not a damn thing I can do about it!<P>Though I know she won't "rake me over the coals" But still. I don't want this, but she does, so I think I have just "given up" so to speak cause I don't think that I can make a difference or change in her mind!<P>SHE KNOWS all of how I feel, I love her, I talk to her, tellher everything and still she always comes back to "I need to move on" Drew!<P>That is where I am for now...that help fill in some of the blanks?<P>Drew

Drew,<P>The only thing that I can suggest is that if you trully want a marriage w/her than you need to keep plan Aing........... <P>The difference that I see w/your situation and mine is the fact that you still see eachother a couple of times a week!....that does mean something!....it does!<P>Hold back for now about "talking" about your future............just have fun w/your volleyball and seeing eachother on the weekends!You will be filling her bank and just maybe come around.<P>I would continue all of that.........continue to be her friend,show her that you do love her,in a "non-smothering" way.Let her be the one to "File"..........she needs to be the one that takes the lead......if she has to "move on"........then let her do all of the Att work.<P>I would think that depending on when she were to do this........would be a good indication on how serious she is to have it be over.Make sence?.............<P>Hang in there!!<P>Gina <P><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----