Seems as if it's been a year since I have been on here. Just out of curiosity for the ones here already divorced. When your ex's have a birthday, will you send a card?? Was I wrong to send one to mine?<P>Our divorce was final last August. I have still not dated and can't bring myself to do so. Just seems weird for me to not be with him on his birthday. I am sure he is spending it with someone new. My love for him has not faded whatsoever. I wish it would and I wish he would not be in my thoughts so much. Why can't I just keep reminding myself of all the bad things. Instead my heart holds on for dear life to the best part of our marriage. I remember the person whom I felt as if our souls were as one, and the kind affectionate man who made me feel loved as much as I loved him.<P>We are through for good and I know this. I have a friend that found out he signed up at a dating service (one that you pay for), so know that he has been getting out. You see, he was willing for us to stay together, but not married. Made me feel as though I was here just for the purpose of sex. Seems like since he signed up with the dating service he is probably on the prowl for sex. He says he will never marry again and there is no need. Just a piece of paper.<P>Why does this not make it easier for me to move on? I still love him and I hate the path he has chosen and it kills me just knowing about it. I can't make the love for him go away.<P>So I sent him a cute birthday card, without anything mushy in it. I did tell him that even when the teenage girls don't find him attractive any longer, just to remember that he will always look good to me. (he hates getting older and worries about young girls not finding him attractive) He turned 39 today. Dang, I thought we would be growing old together.<P>My grandparents were married for 60yrs. My grandmother just passed away a couple weeks ago. I told my grandpa they were an inspiration to me. Not many couples hold true to their vowels, especially till death do us part!<P>I would appreciate any advice to help me get past all this. Oh, and tell me if you will send your ex a card or not.<P>Bluestar

Hi: I have been divorced for 3 yrs. I have been trying to restore marriage although ex left me for OW and is still with her. I di send birthday card and Christmas card the first year, but received no response. I no longer send anything.

Bluestar,<P>I am not divorced quite yet...it's in the works. I would not send my stbx anything if it weren't for my kids. But I do help them pick out cards and gifts for him. Really, it's a personal choice. <P>If you are sure you are never going to get back with him, there is a book I would like to recommend. I haven't finished it yet, but so far it has been very helpful. Don't let the silly title throw you off. It has some very good techniques in it that I have found helpful so far. I don't remember the author's name (I left the book at home - I'm at work right now), but the title is "How to Fall Out of Love". I know the title sounds a little corny, but it's got some really good ways to deal with a situation like this. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi Bluestar<P>I have been divorced once, and am now remarried and working with plan A... <P>I don't think there is anything wrong with sending him a birthday card. <P>You know, my pastor's wife in CA was divorced 8 years. She said he was the love of her life, so she didn't date, and still prayed for him, and kept asking God to restore her marriage. (He was not a pastor at that time.) <P>Remember the story about the lady who wanted Jesus to heal her? She kept hounding him about it. He suggested to her (she was not Jewish) that she wasn't worthy of being healed (because of her race), (It was a test of faith to her....) Anyways, she told him, that even the "dogs" are allowed to eat the crumbs off the table. Jesus was impressed with that, and he gave her the healing.<P>Well, it is okay to keep hounding God, if that is how you feel. It is hard to accept something you don't want, I know. But, if you commit it to God, and then keep waiting - eventually you will come to a point where you feel nothing for him - or God will restore your marriage.<P>Hang in there. I prayed for you over on the praying wives forum.<BR>TnT

Bluestar, I bought my stbx a b-day card (says "To My Wife") at the grocery store today. She'll be 31 on July 5th...<P>Actually, you reminded me to do it; I'm having the kids pick out something for her tonight. She didn't (nor did she have the kids) do anything for my birthday in April or for father's day. I feel better about myself for showing her that I care...<P>Don't know if I would keep doing it years down the road or not... <P>theo<P>