"I'm not sure that I went into my marriage with the above in mind but that is where it ended up. I would much rather have had the "real love" that you talk about. So, how do I find that? Do you now think it is impossible to find it in the opposite sex? Should we all just give up on marriage? I am not ready to do that just because I failed before. This is where I follow Sue's train of thought."<P>I think Sue has alot of good things to say too. I don't think it is impossible to find it in the opposite sex. I don't expect people to give up on marriage, and I hope that every one of you here will prove the statistics wrong. *I* am not remarrying because I refuse to be divorced again. <P>How do you find real love? If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't be here. More later...<P>LOL means laugh out loud.<P>Sue,<BR>You mentioned that you don't feel like damaged goods, and you are right to feel that way. You had been married for 17 yrs, your husband left. If you do get remarried, and get another divorce, though, you might feel differently. Consider what you might think if a close friend, relative, or your child came home with someone who'd been divorced twice. You'd probably be pretty skeptical, huh? I don't feel like dealing with that skepticism.<P>Even though I know there are alot of good things about me, two divorces *is* a black mark, regardless of what I did to try to save them. You (and other people considering remarriage) should consider how you might feel if you found yourself divorced again. Not because it would be an option for you, but because you can't control what someone else does. In no way am I encouraging you not to get married. However, it is something I failed to consider before I got married a second time. Divorce was never an option to me, so it didn't occur to me how I'd feel if my H divorced me. I now wish I hadn't gotten remarried. <P><p>[This message has been edited by TheStudent (edited July 25, 2000).]

Well I was way off on what LOL meant? No wonder you wanted to know what I was trying to say.<P>

I must admit, I don't want to get married a second time, even though the thought of it would be nice.<P>BTW, TS, i visited the home of the chick down the hall at the office, and one visit is all i needed to figure out if I want to pursue it for a date any farther. Nothing serious ever from her.<P>Now that this sensitivity training has worked so well, i think it will be a long time before i ever even consider getting too involved with someone else.<P>All right, from my past posts, I cry "UNCLE!!"<P>I shouldn't have been so responsive when I<BR>was horney.<P>thl<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WhenIfindthetime (edited July 25, 2000).]

Wift,<P>Ok,Ok. I often forget that it is way uncool for guys to admit in public that they are lonely and want some honest companionship just like women do. Instead, it comes out more like "check out those hooters", and "boy, I'd sure like to DO her". It still bothers me though, and I'll still try to reinforce the sensitivity over the macho smoke screen whenever I can. <P>Many a night I've been tempted to go down to the local bar and get my freak on with whatever looks good there. That would be the old me before I was married, and you can see how that ended up. I ended up with two men who didn't love me. I did date a real cute guy who loves dogs briefly after my divorce, but I couldn't go through with it. He reinforced my belief that alot of people when they date aren't looking for a spiritual connection, they aren't looking to get to know someone's soul. Alot are looking for someone to DO for them and have no moral crisis about taking whatever they need with no thought towards the care of the other person. <P>I'm not celibate because I don't like sex. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm horny as hell too. Oh well. There are worse things I could be feeling right now