I just found out my divorce is final. I am okay with that, I guess. What is really blowing my mind though is my ex is still being sooo nice. Today when he picked up the kids he offered to fix some things for me and even suggested that we spend the 4th together with the kids. We haven't done anything together in months. <P>Now I am starting to see the man I married and not the jerk. Of course, the problem is now he is my ex and not my H. I'm not exactly upset about the divorce at this point, but I think if he keeps this up I am going to really start to miss him. I really don't want to go back to being depressed and crying all the time. Is this just a normal part of the divorce being finalized? And just when I thought the roller coaster ride was over...

Tulip,<BR> It seems I've heard this kind of story before.What is this? A spouse forces a divorce,then afterwards wants to come back and be friends? I always thought you got a divorce because you didn't want anything to do with that person again.<BR> Perhaps when the D is final,they feel they can let their guard down,and come around again?If I were you,I'd make sure that he doesn't hurt you again.Be careful!!!<P> --Murph

Hi Murph,<P>That is what I am afraid of...getting hurt again! Wouldn't you just love to crawl in their minds for a while and see what is going on? I do think the financial situation is getting to him. Or course, I sure don't want him back for that reason. Oh well, I better just sit back and enjoy the ride. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! <P>Tulip

Tulip,<BR> Not sure if I'd want to crawl into stbx's brain.I don't care to be mentally incompetent,and irrationally stupid. <P> --Murph

Hi Murph,<P>Good point! Ok, maybe just a fly on the wall to know what they are telling everyone else! My life is turning upside down again. I really wish these betrayers would make up their minds! Anyway, I'll post more on that later. How are things going in your divorce? Take care.<P>Tulip

im not sure if there was any cheating involved (my mom was the nanny for my dad's older kids, though, hmmmmm), but my dad's first 2 wives are good friends, and the first one and my dad have all been staying at my mom's--at the same time sometimes. it is so weird!<BR>we always spent christmas with the first wife, and she is like my kids' grandma. my dad can at least make a joke that he won't get any, because the first one has AIDS (from a subsequent husband), and my mom's gay (his third wife, no one liked, and she's left him and run off to spain...).<BR>so, no, you never get rid of those people you divorce, especially if you have kids.<BR>

lwb,<P>Wow! I guess they always are around, huh? Makes you wonder why they leave in the first place <P>Tulip

Hi Tulip:<P>My stbx is doing the same thing. Acts like he hates me for months, but now that it's coming down to the end of it, he's walking around here like he still lives here. He's commenting about a neighbor's beater car in the street and whether our association allows that or not. I'm thinking "what do you care?" He's fixing things here too. Weird. Told my MIL that he has no one in his life now (wondering what happened to the OW). Doesn't mean he's changing his mind tho, I don't think. Just that he's lonely since none of his family will have anything to do with him now, and I'm actually the only one who still treats him decently (mostly because I've come to the point of not caring anymore, so why be nasty).<P>Also, in my stbx's case, the money situation is bothering him tremendously, but my MIL said it's almost like he's taking it as a punishment on himself for what he's done (so maybe there is a conscious somewhere in there).<P>Anyway you look at it, I'm strong now and he's toast. I've asked God (who I believe would rather have reconciliation than anything), that if He wants me to take Ken back (assuming he ever asks), that He would have to give me a major sign so that I'd know for sure that's what He wants me to do. I've asked for doves when I look out the window, Bambi and Thumper and all their friends running across my lawn, neon lights in the skies behind my stbx saying "take him back", because otherwise I wouldn't trust anything that comes from my stbx again. Well, today I had doves outside my window. Strange.<P>God bless. Kathy<p>[This message has been edited by weirded out (edited July 05, 2000).]

Kathy,<P><BR>My ex was picking weeds out of the yard the other day when he was over and waving to all the neighbors like he still lived here. I'm sure that about gave the neighbors a heart-attack! <P>The trust factor is the big issue with me too. Like you, I agree that God would prefer reconciliation but how can you ever trust them again? I am so afraid of being hurt all over again. Sometimes I wonder if he is just playing mind games or if he is really coming around. <P>It is such a great feeling to be the strong one now, isn't it? I never thought that day would come, but it gets better and better every day. Hopefully, all of us will get a sign to know which way to go. And if not, there can only be bigger and better things in store for us. Take care. <P>Tulip