I think I am going crazy! So where do I come? Here, of course. Gosh, I don't know what I'd do without you guys and this board!!! <P>Ok, this is the update. Saw ex Friday night when he picked up kids. We talked for 2 1/2 hours and got along great. When he drops the kids off today, he tells me that my children spent the afternoon with the ow's children. I am so p!ssed off that I could spit nails and throw a big b!tch. He says he knew I would be mad but our son was the one that wanted to play with her kids. This is true according to my son. My son told me that Dad said he didn't think it was a good idea. My son also told me that he didn't think I'd be upset that he wanted to play with her kids. Well, before ex left I told him that he was the parent and he should make the decisions not the children. Also, my ex admitted that ow had moved into his apartment complex. The whole time I am raking him over the coals he looks like he is going to cry (my ex). Am I blowing this out of proportion? I realize that kids are just kids and don't really understand what is going on. <P>Our divorce was final about two weeks ago, but I didn't find out for sure until Thursday when I received the final divorce papers. During our little spat today I also told ex that I had gone out with someone a couple of times in the couple of weeks but nothing serious. I brought this up only as a point that I had not even introduced the kids to him. I don't feel children should be forced into these situations. My ex screams at me that he hopes we will be very happy together and drives off. <P>Later I receive a call and we talked for several hours. It seems he is upset with me because I went out with someone before the actual divorce. Now talk about calling the kettle black!! He still claims he and ow are good friends and he was very interested in her, but there has never been anything sexual. I find this nearly impossible to believe. He says that he felt I was leading him on because he was excited that we were finally getting along and thought I might be interested in slowly seeing what happens between us. He has over the months mentioned that after the divorce he was not closed to anything. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Why wait til the divorce is final? He says that at least if things didn't work out there would be no more hell to go through. Am I crazy or does this make no sense whatsoever? Was I wrong by going out to dinner with a another man when I thought we had no chance left? Does he have a right to be angry with me and should I be more understanding? A part of me whats to believe him, but I can't. I'm really confused at which way to go now. He says he no longer knows me and I am not the woman he married. Hmmm....I guess I've done a pretty good job showing him I can stand up for myself Is it possible that the divorce has shaken a few screws back into place? <P>Sorry for the long post and all the questions but you guys are the only ones I know that will give an honest opinion. My family and friends are no help at all since they seem to have so much hatred for him. Maybe I should try a Plan A and watch my steps carefully.<P>Tulip

Tulip,<BR> The deal with the kids is a real touchy area.You're right,though,kids are kids,and don't always know whats's going on.I still wonder what my young nieces and nephews think when they see my 44 yr-old stbx,sitting there with BoyToy.I was there when most of them were born.<P> It really sounds like your ex is jealous,but he doesn't want to make a commitment to you anymore.Now he just wants to be friends.That's about as much sense as it makes to me.<BR> I don't think he has much right to be mad at you.He got this whole ball of wax rolling,right?Don't let him make you feel guilty,when he's the one who left the marriage first.<BR> None of us are the same people we were when we first married.People change.Maybe that's why a lot of marriages don't last.<BR> Don't do a big plan A if you're just going to string him along.Make sure of what you want first.Take care.<P> ~~Murph

Murph,<P>I really don't know what I want. Wow, I never thought I'd say those words 6 months ago I would have loved for him to come home, but now? I definitely don't want to string him along, but I don't want to just say forget it either. Especially not with kids involved. I guess I'm gonna have to do a lot of soul searching, huh? I think what really got to me was that he started crying on the phone tonight. I haven't seen that in such a long long time. I guess I'm just afraid it is just a ploy to get my sympathy I guess I'll just have to wait and see.<P>Has your wife made anymore steps to contact you? How is the divorce proceeding? I sure hope everything is going as well as possible for you. Take care.

Tulip, <BR> My what?Who?Did I even have a wife?What did she look like???<BR> <BR> I'll never understand how someone can know you for 24 years,then just never see you,or talk to you again.I really believe she has gone off the deep end in this so called"fantasy".<BR>Before I knew of her affair with BoyToy,we were going through our normal routine,shopping,movies,eating out,going to the beach,etc.We weren't fighting or anything.I was just getting ready to build her a new kitchen,which she seemed real excited about.<BR> A couple weeks later,she tells me about it,moves out,trashes me to her family,tells me she wants an immediate divorce,and that we can be good friends someday...<BR> I asked her if she didn't like the cabinets we picked out.<BR> <BR>See why I have such a hard time understanding this???I'll be divorced shortly.......<P> ~~Murph/ <P>

Tulip,<P>Murph's right. You need to decide whether you would want him back before plan A'ing. I'm doing a sort of plan A but only to try and get my stbx to spend some time with the boys. Right now, he only sees them about once a month and lives 10 minutes away. No way do I want this man back! <P>Murph,<BR>I'll be divorced shortly soon. For now, I'm fine with it but it'll probably be hard to actually sign the final papers.<P>Chin up,<BR>Mitz

Tulip, <BR>If you are having conflicting feelings about this, that is normal. I do believe, however, that you can restore your marriage and bring your love back if you and he are both willing to do what it takes to save it. <BR>Now, having said that, it is a tough road to haul. Any tougher than divorce and all that entails?? No, I do not believe so. But it is work, and you must have a plan. <BR>Sit down with your H and tell him of your conflicting feelings. Be honest, without LB about how you are on the fence. <BR>Then, if he wants to also try, find a good counsleor, hopefully one who is in touch with Dr. H principles. Use S. Harley, he is very good. He will give you a plan to follow to save your marriage. If you have any feelings left, you must try. Otherwise down the road you may have regrets. <P>------------------<BR>Susan