stbx has been all IN to reconciling and being nice and getting our problems worked out. said he's dumped OW because she's fat, drinks, and smokes. i just wanted to verify any of this before i fell for his lines, so i IM'd her and was telling her what he said, that she was moving to another state with her fiance, and smokes, and that he's trying to make up with me. the way i wrote it was weird, and she was all confused, and was surprised to hear that stbx had told me these things. i told her i was filing as soon as i returned to california, and she wished me luck. nice gal.<BR>this is one year to the day that she called me, drunk, demanding a paternity test for the baby i was pregnant with, and it was 2 years ago july that she came to my house for the first D-day. helluva month, this is.<BR>anyway, she had to know what he's doing, and i had to know what he's REALLY up to, so i don't feel so bad about it.<BR>he has not called me since, and we were in the middle of a big make-up conversation, so im sure he busy spin-doctoring with her.<BR>im just so sick of his crap....<BR>i know, i know, lovebuster from hell, but im sick of him playing with my heart, and i told him i'll have nothing to do with him till he can prove she's gone, and he's never going to end it with her....sooooo......<BR>the ultimate plan b is in place... feels good.

Hi lwb,<P>I think I would have done exactly the same thing you have done. We have to know. And it's not enough them just telling us, we have to be sure in our own minds. However we arrive at that suredness (sp.). Is that even a word??<P>I bet you do feel better in your own mind. Once they have dished out so much crap, I think we get to a point where we say, "it doesn't matter any more what I say or do, so I might as well find out for myself"<P>I hope it all works out the way you want it to, and she does move to wherever.<P>It's funny you haven't heard from him, or I guess is it really so funny? They all seem to do the same things, and behave the same way don't they?<P>I'm sending a big hug to you right now, keep your chin up and take care of you<P>Jo

LWB, You are sounding pretty good - despite IM'ing OW.... You are sounding in control. Being in Texas is good for you. Plan B is good for you. <P>What did OW say? Did she say she was surprised because this is not what is going on? Sounds like both her and him are deceitful, and can't believe anything either one of them say... <P>Usually there is a motive behind what they say, huh? What is HIS motive.... Do you really think he wants to get back together with you or does he want you to return WITH the kids..... hmmmm... Just be cautious and if I were you, I would ignore him as much as possible until he changes his behavior towards you.<P>TNT

i found out this morning that stbx IM'd me yesterday, all mad that i wouldn't talk to him (i was feeding the babies!), and said he was off to call a lawyer....sigh.<BR>i called him this morning, and he was distant, but claimed no knowledge of my exchange with OW. i have no idea. <BR>i got sort of mad at him, and he threatened to testify against me and make my life hell, so i apologized and told him that i was just really worried about money and feeling homesick.<BR>tnt, yeah, i need to ignore him a lot better than i am...it's just an old habit to think you can turn to your spouse in times of duress and be understood and comforted. silly me....<BR>i think OW is just as big a liar as H is. she'd make me ill, if i cared.<BR>he SEEMS like he wants me back, but, he still wont get rid of her, so i keep standing on the ultimatum.<BR>sigh.<BR>i called one of my best friends, and she made me feel a lot better, gave me a good pep talk about how he's scum and i need to break free, so i feel a lot better now, and our limited contact is back to divorcing plan A..<BR>bonnet, thanks for the hug, i need all i can get <BR>