I would like to ask all your opinions on this because I value the great minds that are here. Since my ex left 1.5 yrs ago, he left OW twice, 3-4 months ago he told me he was dumping her, since that conversation our divorce finalized, they bought a house together. I seldom see him or talk to him when the kids are picked up or delivered home. But, right before they moved from their apt to the house I asked him if they were going to stay in this town or move closer to work , and if they were going to get married, "Well I'm not getting married again" "Contrary to what you think I'm not getting married the day after our divorce is final, how about YOU?" :-) He didn't it was final in April. And of course true to form he lied, I heard he had bought her a ring. I figured they would just go off and get married because I hadn't heard anything.Well, this past Wed, he wanted our kids to stay overnight during the week because they weren't working and Thursday when he brought them home, they was a note saying he wanted the kids Monday just for the day because he was getting married. My question is he has known for some time he was getting married and probably knew when. So, should I rearrange the kids and I schedules on this short notice. The 10 year old is at grandma's and said she didn't want to go and the 4 and 5 year old said they want to go, he wrote that he would pick them up at 10:00am and his father (whom the kids have only met a handful of times would bring them home later that day) I work and the kids had already been arranged to go to a sitter at 7. So, if he isn't picking them up til 10 then I have to find a different sitter to watch them for 3 hours and then I don't know when they will be brought back. He put in his letter "I want them to be there and they want to come" .The synic in me when I read it said I wanted you to come home and they wanted you to come home, so we don't always get what we want. The 2 younger kids told me they could call dad and tell him they weren't coming if they were going to grandma's too. My 5 yr old said she doesn't want dad to get married, but she wants to go to the wedding because she wants to see her dad.If somebody else (friend even wanted my kids at their wedding in 4 days I would probably say No, because plans have already been made but I don't know what to do here. Everything always seems to be what he wants. Am I whining? probably. So what would you do or have you done? HELP?

I do understand your concerns and I know this has to be painful for all of you. My ex also got engaged a little while ago, but didn't tell anyone. I would not force your 10 yo to attend if they didn't want to. If the others want to go I would let them. This is the time for you to take the high road and rise to the occasion.

Your x is being inconsiderate and stupid. <BR>However, any decent relationship you can build post divorce is best for your children's sake. <P>This is an important day for him and the children. After all, ow is going to be around in a more formal relationship with x. No matter how much he has inconvenience you, and how much it hurts, it will only further lessen his trust regarding honest contact with you regarding the children if you do nothing to make sure the children go.<P>I'm sure your children know exactly how you feel, and the older one mirrors it, with regard to the whold affair, but not going out of loyalty to you will only ensure that this sneaky dishonest sort of communication your x graces you with will continue.<P>Suggest that he pick them up earlier before you leave for work to avoid finding and paying a sitter for his convenience.<P>H

Harlequin,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'm sure your children know exactly how you feel, and the older one mirrors it<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Why on earth would you assume that? Maybe she would rather be with her grandma. How do you know how fond she might be of her grandmother? My 10 year old looks forward to visiting her father, but if her best friend invites her over, it is no contest. <BR>Why do so many people assume that the children have no thoughts of their own, that they feel whatever the custodial parent feels? It must be nice to have that kind of power over someone else, but it doesn't happen. Why wouldn't they perhaps feel the way the non-custodial parent feels? Or, much more likely, why don't they feel the way THEY feel? My kids certainly do not always agree with me - if fact there are many times when I swear they go out of their way to disagree with me. Children are independent beings, perfectly capable of independent thought. <P>cbs,<BR>It seems to me that if he wants the kids to come to the wedding, he should pick them up and drop them off at times that would make it convenient for you, and he should be the one who handles the logistics of making any changes in the babysitting arrangements, including paying the babysitter anyway for cancelling on such short notice.

cbs,<BR>YOur x shoudl be responsible for handling the kids since he is the one that is making the last minute switch.<P>However will you be comfortable with who he choses? It will probably be someone from ow side of family or something.<P>If the kids are willing I owuld let them go. If they are not, make sure they tell him so he doesn't think it is you, bbut will probably anyway.<P>Bob

Just remember. Don’t tell him, “I told you so” or rub it in when he really gets screwed over in his next divorce. He dug his hole, let him reap the “benefits.”<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

After I posted this earlier message I went with the kids and some friends on a boat and fished and swam most of the day. I thought a lot about things, and really it is neither here nor there that the kids attend his wedding. I think it is inapropriate for him to ask at such a late date and I wouldn't have let my 10 yr old leave until after the wedding if they were suppose to go. Now, I feel like it isn't fair the two little ones go and not her. But, contrary to what many think I have not talked bad about either husband or OW, I have sounded off to some of my friends at work and on here. My 10 yr old develop opinions of her father on her own , she said from the beginning of all this he is a jerk and she would scratch her eyes out this she told him at the park when he told them about her. I happened to know she had horses and my daughter loves them, I told her to give this woman a chance, Heck she might even have horses.Well, she took that bait, and met her. But, soon after, sometimes choses not to go to her dads. She told me after her last visit , It hurts her heart because she goes to see him and he leaves or mows the grass and they have to be with the OW instead of dad. As far a her visiting grandma, actually it is grandpa who is her buddy, he farms and she helps, he takes her fishing and they horseback ride. My 4yr old and 10 yr old both want to move there, but the 5year old is scared dad would not drive that far to see them, I have assured her that if we did move, dad would still see them every other weekend. And telephone just like he does now. I am sure no matter how much I try to hide my feelings on this situation the kids pick up on things, but I try to stay very neutral when they are present. Thanks for all your inputs<BR>