I read a lot here but don't post very often. I have a mixed bag of emotions and just feel the need to vent a little.<P>7/10/1993 was my wedding day. We've now been separated since 12/11/99 with the divorce complaint filed back in February 2000. I have always had full custody of both boys (ages 6 & 5) and we're nearing completion of custody mediation. It's been one hell of a roller coaster; single fatherhood, settling debts, cleaning house, therapy/counseling for me and the boys, etc. But nothing is worse than the agony of being betrayed and all the crap of trying to save a marriage when the other spouse is full-blown into their affair. STBX is still shacking up with OM (and his pregnant wife and their kids) and XW had to get a job to pay bills and child support to me for our boys. She sees the kids once a week, cries all the time when she's with them but then can't wait to run back to OM. Her family wants nothing to do with her, she has no friends left, no money, no legal car, no anything.<P>For what it matters now, I started Plan B too late. By Xmas of 1999, I was so tired of XW's lies and scams I didn't even like her anymore. Two weeks ago in June, as if almost on cue, 6 months had lapsed since XW left for OM. She wanted to meet for a talk and I reluctantly agreed. She looked terrible and asked if I would consider reconciliation. Probably because she's starting to hit bottom. I said no and explained that it was too late, I had no love left for her and could never respect or trust her again. <P>I don't have regrets, I just need some other way to associate July 10th. I quit smoking this past weekend so maybe I'll just call 7/10 my official non-smoking date. <P>Thanks to everyone for always being there for me; even if you didn't know you were helping me. John

John,<P>Congratulations on quitting smoking! (wish I could do the same )<P>I know how much of a downer it is to have your wedding anniversary pass when you are alone. Mine was July 5th. The D was final in February, ow moved out of state some time in March, April or May (most likely late March), and XH started being really nice in June. My response..... "Too Little, Too Late" (with a few unpostable explitives thrown in for good measure ). Unfortunately, I'm not able to say I have no love left for my X.... but definately no trust or respect.<P>Hang in there, it will get better.... Be a good Dad, and charish your boys.<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited July 10, 2000).]

I had the misfortune of marrying my x on Valentine's Day. (Did you know that is the most popular day for weddings in the U.S.?) One of my good friend's also married her husband on same day of a different year. (Friend's husband died of AIDS which he got from usual means, thinks he knew he was HIV positive for several years but never told her or attempted to protect her, she found out what he had when he was in hospital w/ fullblown AIDS and the drs. were talking about the fact that this was not how the disease typically presents.)<P>Anyway, my x moved out 3 days after my 39th birthday. Couldn't get him to go 4 days sooner. I begged him to.<P>So, friend and I go out every year on Valentine's day. Missed this year due to my needing to attend class I was taking. Still need to make it up. We don't think of it as our anniversary, we think of it as a celebration of our surviving relationships which should have been edifying but, instead, could best be described as devastating.<P>It's a victory party rather than a mourning experience.<P>By the way, when children and I got a kitten last year and it needed a birthday - date was unknown - we knew 2/14 was fairly close so that is the date we chose.<P>Make a happy tradition to hang on that date and don't worry about it. A smoke-free birthday would be good. Might give you an incentive to stay smoke-free. As if having happier lungs, smelling better, and not burning money weren't good enough reasons to stay that way.