Hi friends,<P>Well I couldn't think of a good title for this thread. To those of you who were on the General Questions Board back in February, there were two very good threads. One was "Men what makes you happy" and one was to to the women with the same topic, something like "what do you really want?" I have searched for them and I can't find them.<P>Now that we are divorcing and dating, it would be interesting to know, from the men what really makes them happy. And from the women as well. It might help us in our new experiences dating, I know I am confused at times. Many of us, haven't done this for a decade or more. <P>What makes you happy? A romantic getaway, a surprise candle light dinner, tell me! <BR>Dana<P>

Here goes.......<BR>A warm summer day, riding my horses, seeing my kids happy and healthy, a good movie, mexican food, good friends, family life, a lazy sunday watchng sports or an old movie on TV, the love of one special person.....<BR>That's what makes me happy!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Right now, thoughtful evenings out have done wonders for my mood. My "beau" understands the ego beating I took, and has gone out of his way to show his appreciation of me as a woman.<P>We both love the water, and spend many afternoons at the waterfront just walking around. We were there a few weeks ago, wandering down the street, and it was dinnertime. Its a resort town, so I suggested we go in and make reservations for later... We walked in, and he asked if our table was ready. When we were seated, he got out his phone and cancelled the half dozen other reservations he had made the day before - I started to tear up right there at the table. He was just waiting to see what restaurant I steered toward...<P>He always thinks ahead, and trys to make our time alone special. He has these little surprises all the time, and that kind of thoughtfulness just makes me care for him more and more. <P><BR>

WOW!!!! Does he give lessons? Let's send lots of men to learn this stuff.<P>As to what makes me happy, right now just having peace in my heart (and the bills paid - is it really possible to get them all paid every month? I always have too much month and too little money). Quiet times with my children. Well, maybe not so quiet but with them not fussing. I love to be invited to play with them. Curling up to read with them.<P>And because I've gone for so long with so little emotional nurturing, a sincere thank you or compliment from a peer lasts for a long time. Just something small is so great. <BR> <BR>Stuff like that.

I understand completely, going so long without being appreciated, when you finally get a kind word or action, it means even more.<P>I think most of us here, went unappreciated for what we did in our marriages, and chastised for what we did not, and took WAY too much to heart, like it was our fault the marriage fell apart, when in actuality, we were with fatally flawed people. Nobody is perfect, but we didn't expect it from our spouse. It takes a long time to recover, and get back to a healthy self image. <P>I feel very lucky to have found this man. He appreciates that I appreciate him. Sometimes I feel like a giddy teenager. He is a good good man - they are out there!<P>I appreciate the wonderful moments with my kids, and feel sorry for my ex missing them.<P>I look at women who seem to have a charmed life, and don't begrudge them that, but hope they appreciate what they have. But I think my good times are even better, having experienced bad times. <P>When I got past that horrible transition, that stumbling fog of just surviving from day to day, the financial reality of a divorce, the frightened insecure children, and the constant reminders of happy married times that "ambush" you, and settled into a comfortable routine without the ex, I could choose to be happy again.<P>I savor life, like I never did before - appreciate EVERYTHING. But it took a looooong time to get here.<BR>

To Cinderella and Honey west, <P>Yes something small definetely means SO much more now than it ever did before. I think its all the little things that make a relationship so much more special anyhow. Unfortunately, it was the little things that built up in the marriage right?? It certainly does take time getting used to being treated well,but its also worth it!<P>To Sue : How are you? I had a feeling you'd reply! Do you remember those posts on GQ board?? I have searched and don't see them. I know it was mid February.<P>Prayers and hugs, Dana<BR>

Hi Dana,<P>this is a great idea.<P>What makes me happy?<P>Walking on the beach holding hands. Watching a sunset. Being surprised in any way with something that has taken a bit of thought. Sitting on the sofa chatting for hours (like I did last night with a someone who is becoming quite special to me!!) Kissing, kissing, kissing. I love kissing. Not sleazy sloppy all-over-the-face kissing, but the special way that people who really connect manage to do it.<P>I love beautiful and special times with my children. Happy moments and excursions, even if just to a park. To see them smiling and laughing and having fun. Lovely times with my Mum, Dad and sister. I have not lived in the same state as them for 13 years, so living back here and being able to go to all the family occasions is great. I've been to birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, New Year, grandparents day at pre-school etc etc etc. I've missed out on nothing this year, and that is just great. I missed them so much while I lived away. My family makes me happy.<P>Baby 'anythings' make me happy. I love to see baby animals, or babies, it makes me rejoice in the beginning of life. Makes me appreciate what I have, and what I had. I won't ever forget the valuable lessons that I have learned over the last 12 months. Or at least, I hope I don't.<P>So much makes me happy these days, as I have accepted what has happened in my life and moved on.<BR>I think I have grown so much, and moved on so much, that I can now genuinally wish him happiness. I want that for him. I have also 'forgiven' my in-laws in my own mind. They are free to live their lives any way they see fit, and it doesn't bother me any longer that they choose not to speak to me.<P>I am happy with myself. I am happy with my little life that I have created for myself and my children. I have no idea what my future holds, but I'm loking forward to it. What a change from 6 months ago.<P>That is what I am happy about.<P>big hugs to you, and take care<P>Jo

All great things to make us happy....<P>Hi Dana!<BR>Yes, I do remember those from the GQ board...for so long I had forgotten what made me happy, I was so centered in trying to save a sinking ship, so to speak...I almost lost myself. Not that I regret it, I needed to do it, but now that I have, I can go on, and so I have!!<BR>Anyone is free to write me, you too Dana!! My email is arabrider@msn.com....<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Knowing that I will never go through this again.

For me this is a real tough question. I'm at a pointe to where I am having to learn what really makes me happy.<P>Being the good drug addict I am I will try anything and everything to fill the hole in my gut that drugs left when I quit. I suffer from a severe impulsive obsessive disorder. I combat the on a daily basis by going to meetings and talking honestly with my sponsor.<P>Today I get my happiness from fellowship with other recovering addicts. We go to dinner and hang out in coffee shops and just talk. <P>My hobbies include; motorcycling, shooting my guns, reading, softball, exercising, eating, my aquarium.<P>I have yet to star dating but I think I know what I want. I really want someone I can share these things with. I want to look into someones eyes and see my love reciprocated. Non-sexual affection, is a biggy with me, the touch of the person I'm in love with makes me smile. If she wants a romantic bed and breakfist, great, I like that too. A moonlight walk on the beach, super. Planting a new flowere bed getting all hot and sweaty, these are just a few that come to my mind. Like I said I'm having to learn a whole new life, all I need is someone to share this with.<P>Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

How long is the road to recovery. I still have not cried. I still have not felt any emotion but disbelief that the man I thought I loved would ever do what he has done. I dont understand it at all. He lives 30 miles from me. He moved in with his Dad is what I hear and I dont understand any of what is going on. I dont think I want him back and I dont understand why. When I think about it, it makes butterflies in my tummy. I have never thought about the question of what might make me happy. I dont guess it mattered until now. I guess what would make me happy is for stbx to come home and act like a real man. I want a stable life for my kids. I want them to have a father in their lives. If he doesnt come back and work things out, I am not going to date anyone. I dont want to put my toddlers through another situation like this. I just cant trust anyone anymore. I suppose that means I am numb. It would make me happy if I woke up and everything was fine and none of this happened.

Wow, a lot of thought into some of those replies. <P>To Bonnet, I know that it is a lot to take in 6 months, but isn't it better than sitting home and being miserable??<P>To Bill - Hang in there. Addictions are hard to overcome. Your doing great.<P>The Student - There has to be SOMETHING that makes you happy. It doesn't have to do with MEN <P>OK I guess I'll take a turn. Although it seems I have a lot in common with those who I spent months talking to now.<P>I too love babies. Especially around 2-3 months. So innocent. I am not one for animals but I do like baby animals too. <P>I love to spend time with my kids, but lately, they have been taking a toll on me. I am learning how to take time for me for once after 10 years of being a mom. Its hard and they seem to struggle with my new independence.<P>I love to be surprised. Its not hard to do. Anyone who's been thru what we have knows that. I have been lucky enough to get flowers more than once, spend lots of time doing things I always wanted to do,and actually be with someone who is totally unselfish when it comes to my happiness.<P>It makes me happy to take a drive, see new places and meet new people. <P>But the best happiness I can get, comes from within and all the new things I notice now that I never did before. Sometimes its simple things. The sunset, the stars, the rain, a thunderstorm. A family walking together. Seeing a couple holding hands. Watching children run and play, and remembering that when I was their age, I couldn't wait to grow up. Now I wish I could trade places with them. <P>Oh and one last thing, to make me happy, is knowing that I can make others happy, whether it is my children, the person who I am "seeing" right now, my friends, my family, or any of the people that are in this board. Knowing you made a difference is the best feeling.<P>Prayers and hugs to all,Dana<BR>

danab,<BR>There are lots of things that make me happy,like<P>being smart enough to get a PhD, so that I don't have to be financially dependent on anyone and so that I can "know that I will never go through this again"<P>Being very healthy and financially sound enough to adopt and raise children on my own, so that I don't have to hunt down a man and so that I can "know that I will never go through this again."<P>Having loving family and friends so I don't feel like I have to go hunt down a man to go do stuff with, so I can "know that I will never go through this again".<P>Having my two dogs, who keep me warm in the winter, keep me company, and give me something to come home to, so I can...(you know the rest )<P>Most of what makes me happiest right now is having a lifestyle that guarantees that "I will never go through this again". So, I just kept it short <P>Best wishes<P>lonelyintexas,<BR>I'm very sorry to hear about what you are going through. Just wanted to say I'm a very vocal part of the not-dating-not-interested minority here. I've been divorced going on a year and a half now, and have not dated and have no interest in dating. There are a few other people here (Nellie and Keridwen7 to name a few) who also have children and think that not dating is more stable for the children. Anyway, I just didn't want you to feel like a freak here or anything (like I have from time to time), since you have probably seen all of the "dating again" type posts around here. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by TheStudent (edited July 15, 2000).]