I really need some input as I am facing my second divorce...I am 33yr old female with three kids. I was married the first time for 5 1/2 years, awful the whole time but hung in there until he started sleeping with a stripper (whom he subsequently married and divorced ). #1 is the father of the children. Marriage #2 is winding to a close on my ultimatum - he was becoming physically abusive to my middle child, on top of the emotional and verbal abuse to us all, and one incident of physical abuse which led to a separation of one year - and we have now been married 3 yrs. #2 refuses to see his part in this, says that I am "not being submissive", is totally non-communacative(any time I try to discuss anything he cuts me off, hangs up, etc) AND he has a internet porn problem. So all my friends/family/loved ones are saying drop the loser and move on with your life, you deserve better, etc etc...I was truly putting up with much too much crap but once he started torturing the kids, that was it. So now I am moving 1000 miles away to my family and will start over - here's where I need the input! I do NOT want to do this again, make the same mistake again! Even as I sit here it is not hard to condemn myself -I know God hates divorce, but I think how could He think this is a good situation. I know He loves me and I know I am saved and serving Him, but alot of what kept me in this rotten marriage this long was the covenant vow, etc. I have to get past that, and then I need to figure out why I am drawn to these men that ultimately or continually abuse or betray me. I still have this idealistic hope/dream that someday someone will love me unconditionally and cherish me - something that up to now has not happened. Any thoughts? Recommendations? I do not qualify for free counselling, I make too much money - but I don't make ENOUGH money, esp as a single parent now, to pay $100 /hr to see a therapist...any KIND, NON-JUDGEMENTAL, honest input would be appreciated...notagain

notagain,<P>Welcome. I know this is not a place any of us want to be, but we are here. <P>My first recommendation is to read everything you can find on this site. Read as much as you can about your situation. Lord knows, there are plenty of books avaliable (check your local library). <P>Divorce is never easy, but physical abuse is intollerable. There are a couple of ladies here who are in similar situations to yours, and I'm sure they will be along to offer much support and advice. Just remember that in this situation, you are doing the best thing for yourself and your children.<P>NSR is our local "Welcome Waggon" with advice and direction to relivant information here at MB, but I believe he is still on vacation right now. There is a post of general welcome and information that he has here, I will try to find the link for you and post it. <P>My thoughts & prayers are with you.<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

I found it... Just click on the link.<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome to all New Builders</A><P>Butterfly<P>PS~ Just a side note, it is easier to read posts where the information is seperated into smaller paragraphs... it will help you get more responses.

Your faith seems to be very important to you. I think that a good place to start would be counseling by your church! You could address the issues of your attraction to the wrong types of people, getting yourself stronger, as well as your relationship with God and how the divorce affects your soul.<P>I would assume church counseling cheaper than going to a private practice, but I am not sure. If not, maybe your church as some kind of donation or program for those in need?

notagain,<P>Hi and Welcome. I haven't been here since yesterday morning because of internet problems but now I am! <P>My H was also physically abusive to me. He also wasn't the best father. In my situation, I'm glad he had the affair and is gone. I lived with him for 10 1/2 years and was lucky I never had injuries serious enough for a trip to the hospital. <P>Your family is right when they say that you don't deserve to be treated like that and neither do your children. I know this is marriage builders but there are some instances when a marriage is not worth saving. <P>God loves everyone and would not want you to be in a situation where you or your children could be harmed. We are all worthy of being loved and respected by our spouses.<P>(((((HUGS)))))<BR>Mitzi

I'll be judgemental here - <P>Abuse of a child doesn't deserve a second chance.<P>Your children will see this as a choice - you are picking him or them. You pick him, and you destroy them.<P>Your first responsibility is to your children. You are very lucky to have such a supportive family.<P>Move as soon as you can, away from him, and back with your family. They will help you through tough times. Find a supportive minister for counseling. A good one will do you a world of good.<P>Don't feel sorry for your husband, dont think of yourself here, do what is best for the children. That is the right thing to do - you will be surprised how things start to fall into place when you do that. They certainly did for me.<P>There is karma, "what goes around, comes around" what ever you want to call it - do the right thing by your kids, and your life will be good too. <P>

Thanks for the responses thus far - and honeywest, you are right. I need to fix me, too, but right now I am outta here because I will not let my kids endure this. Another disappointing factor is I approached my pastor about what was going on with the kids and begged him to confront my hubby - and nothing was done. I feel abandoned and betrayed. I know it isn't God, but a man, but it is still frustating.