I need so much help & I have been to 2 counselors but it made me feel worse so I hope someone out there can help! It is 2 yrs. now & I thought I would be over him, we were only married for 5 yrs. He wanted out & I agreed because he said 2 ugly things, don't make me hate you & I can take you for alot. So in a matter of 3 wks. I was divorced. As time goes on I just remember the good times. I did'nt know at the time but he had a girlfriend, they moved in together(she had a kid) & then moved up state. I was "healing" as I thought because I was'nt seeing him around town or her at the gym. Then 6 mos. ago he rings my door bell at 1am & he sort of gets back into my life. We have had sex together 3x & I know this is wrong but I still have strong feelings. Am I being used? He never opens up & wants to talk about any of the details nor does he say he wants to re-build a relationship. I try to ask but he somehow avoids answers. I'm just so confused & I wish we did'nt have these gaps of no communication. Anyone out there relate?

This is your first post, so you are actually in a place where you need to read the welcome posts under General Questions.<P>However, your situation is not the norm here, although this is the place for abnormal situations.<P><B> You need to understand what it means to reconcile. </B><P>To reconcile does not mean to have sex. It means you have to effectively date again. It means that you have to be able to ask questions, ANY questions, and get HONEST answers, all the time.<P>If the person does not communicate, how will that make for a good marriage again? A good place to start would be to begin by reading the Harley books, specifically "Surviving an Affair", which is what happened to you, but you got divorced instead of hanging around to wait.<P>Your XH had an affair, and he discovered that what he missed was better than what he found. <P>My suggestion, DO NOT HAVE SEX AGAIN. THERE MUST BE COMPLETE HONESTY AND ALL YOUR QUESTIONS NEED TO BE ANSWERED HONESTLY.<P>Then when you are satisfied, you can date again if you want.<P>BUT READ UP, OR YOU WILL BE EMOTIONALLY ABUSED!!<P>thl

Sounds as if you need to set yourself some boundaries. Suggestions: No sex. Only see him in public places. Only phone contact. <P>Do as you see fit. It is hard, but you don't want to be in the same place you were before.<P>Is he still with the GF? If so, then you are the other woman. Not a good place.

I'm not sure if I'm replying correctly but as you know this is new to me,should I be deleting your reply before I respond? You have given me good advice & deep down I realized it is wrong to have sex with him, but i must be still blinded by my love for him. I was so rejected by him, all my self esteem is gone & I do stupid things. Thanks for my first reply & I will check out the general question section. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:<BR><B>This is your first post, so you are actually in a place where you need to read the welcome posts under General Questions.<P>However, your situation is not the norm here, although this is the place for abnormal situations.<P> You need to understand what it means to reconcile. </B><P>To reconcile does not mean to have sex. It means you have to effectively date again. It means that you have to be able to ask questions, ANY questions, and get HONEST answers, all the time.<P>If the person does not communicate, how will that make for a good marriage again? A good place to start would be to begin by reading the Harley books, specifically "Surviving an Affair", which is what happened to you, but you got divorced instead of hanging around to wait.<P>Your XH had an affair, and he discovered that what he missed was better than what he found. <P>My suggestion, DO NOT HAVE SEX AGAIN. THERE MUST BE COMPLETE HONESTY AND ALL YOUR QUESTIONS NEED TO BE ANSWERED HONESTLY.<P>Then when you are satisfied, you can date again if you want.<P>BUT READ UP, OR YOU WILL BE EMOTIONALLY ABUSED!!<P>thl<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I'm not sre if I'm to delete your response first before typing my reply but my first time sorry. I appreciate your suggestions & deep down I knew I was wrong to get involved sexually but I have been rejected initially by him wanting the divorce. I suppose I'm mixed up & trying to regain my self esteem. I will take your suggestion & get my respect back. I'm usually so good about giving good advice to others, I just must be blind with my own situation. Thanks again. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by grandpabri2:<BR><B>Sounds as if you need to set yourself some boundaries. Suggestions: No sex. Only see him in public places. Only phone contact. <P>Do as you see fit. It is hard, but you don't want to be in the same place you were before.<P>Is he still with the GF? If so, then you are the other woman. Not a good place.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>