I spoke with W about separating. She wants the separation--not me. I told her I was having second thoughts about separating and she replied "My lawyer said if you don't leave then I can pack up the kids and leave myself."<P>Question--<P>Doesn't she put herself in a precarious legal position by leaving with the kids?<P>Any thoughts would be helpful

I don't know about the laws where you are, but here is California, either parent can take the kids anywhere they want until there is a custody order in place.<P>RUN, don't walk, to a lawyer and file for temp custody.<P>Good Luck

Yes, I would go to a lawyer to see your options. <P>When my husband was having an affair, I wanted him to leave - but he refused, telling me I could leave anytime. That was when I got an attorney, who told me I could leave and take the kids, and later sue for use of the house, forcing him to leave. There was a legal term which escapes me right now - it was desertion, but "good desertion" if that makes any sense.<BR> <P>

I do agree with the other posts, if she wanted to do this she could. You see, if you were to leave like she asks then she has the upper hand for custody because the court system will say that you abandon the children. So, you can take this as refusing to leave so that doesn't happen to you. Yet there is nothing wrong with her packing the kids up and leaving with them. Thus, again giving her the upper hand as being the primary care giver and getting custody. A catch twenty-two. In my case when my ex and I decided to divorce neither one left the home while we were waiting for a temporary hearing (took 3 months). The county that we live in does not allow 50/50 so we were going into a custody battle. He knew that he'd loose for sure if he left and so did I. I could have taken the kids and ran to my parents but that would have been extremely upsetting to them. My ex was extremely verbally abusive to me while we were in the home together and it was an awful 3 months. But, I was allowed to leave for a night or two and that was not considered abandoning the kids. We kinda switched off nights leaving and that helped with some of the stress. You need to talk with an attorney and set up a temporary hearing, would be my guess. If she really wants this divorce is a custody battle something your going to go after? If not, then you need to decide if it would be better for the kids if you left, vs. her leaving with them.

my H is the betrayer, and this summer i absolutely HAD to get out of his new 'love nest' (big house that OW helped him pick out, and that he's saying he'll sell, but she's helping him landscape while im gone)for awhile, so i got some legal advice first, and she said write up an informal agreement that he said it's ok that i take the babies out of state, signed by us both. so i did. she also said that the longer i have full custody of them here, the better it will look for my case when i file for divorce (he's threatening a big custody battle-in not so many words-and i don't want that sociopath raising my children--his problems run MUCH deeper than one affair).<BR>don't know if that helps, but i take that signed agreement everywhere with me now.

Dissertion, abandonment, etc.....was NEVER heard in my divorce. They (judge) didn't care who left....who had the children with them the longest, who took care of them, nothing. The judge didn't want to hear about any of that. <P>I feel sorry for anyone who has to go through a custody battle. It drained me and the girls are still scared to death. All of our moves have to be completely planned out....everything documented down to the last minute. We still live our lives in fear.....because I know that he could just up and file for custody and fight me again.<P>Nancy