I have posted my story before on other parts of this forum. But I need help, so here it goes again, abreviated style.<P>Married @ 3 years. Wife moved out 2 weeks ago today into home with OM she had supposedly only known 2 weeks. After she left, I found ledgers of an affair she had been carrying on the whole time we have been together (7yrs) with ex boyfriend when we lived in Dallas. May be somewhat factual and somewhat in her imagination, only she knows, but was VERY GRAPHIC. and since we had NO sex life, it was very painful for me to read.(moved south to small town 3 hrs away)<P>After finding ledgers I have no desire to repair relationship, as the whole thing is a lie. Even referred to me in ledgers to make ex jealous as why she married me. My heart is broken, and I am on anti-depressants, etc.<BR>Her excuse for our poor sexual relations where chilhood sexual abuse isssues. However, from the writings, she had no PROBLEMS with that guy, or with the new OM either.<P>Before I found ledgers, of course I cried and begged her not to go. Had no idea what a fool I had been. Now, I have told her I want divorce too.<P>Yes, I am in therapy. Started this week. Want answers from her, may never get them. Her classic reply is "I just dont know" to everything.<P>She has been awful to me since she left. Calling me and screaming at me. Now she is calling me harrassing me to start divorce papers. Each time she calls, she gets uglier. <P>Planning to go to library this weekend to find how to self file, as NEITHER of us can afford an attorney.<P>I really dont want to talk to her. The property is in my name, and she has signed an agreement about our personal belongings. Basically she has everything out she wants already out.<P>How can I best handle this now? Please remember, that even though I do not want her back, for some reason, unbeknownst to me, I still love her. Perhaps it is just habit.<P>WE havent met eachothers emotional needs in a long time. However, I did not want this to get ugly, and I would have never left her. Just planned to keep plugging away and hope for the best. Unlike her, I meant my vows.<P>We have no children. Just pets.<P>Please offer help. I am on the verge of loosing my cool with her and blasting her. Feel like calling her every name in the book, as I was an honest, faithful and loving husband. (NO NOT PERFECT, just honest and loving and faithful)<P>Please PLEASE help!<P>Ben (10021997)

Too bad you arent my stbx. I wish he cared as much as you did. There were no affairs between us. He was just lazy and wouldnt work to support his family. We spent too much time together and got on each other's nerves. Part of me wishes we could repair this and the other part says to let sleeping dogs lie. He left me and the kids. Isn't it his place to call and ask to come back? I know I am supposed to be offering help on your thread. Sorry. I just wish my stbx was more like you instead of indifferent like him. Good Luck to you.

If you truly have no assets, there are all sorts of divorce packages out there. But it might me a wise investment to have an attorney look it over. <P>Another thought, if this is really a simple divorce, many attorneys have very low fees for uncontested divorces.<P>The legal part is pretty simple.<P>The emotional part is another matter. It is very hard to be objective when your basic worth as a human being or in your case, as a man, has been compromised.<P>It is very easy for me as a stranger to say, be thankful you know now, and you have no children, move on and find a woman who views marriage as a covenant, not as dating.<P>You must take this very hard journey alone. I would recommend some spiritually-based support group also. Healing will be faster.

1002,<BR>Hey! No advice just popped in to say hi. Not sure if you remember me but I posted to you early on. Sure sounds like you've pulled things together! See ya! Tess