Hi this is Beth's WS, I've now been out of the house for acouple of months. Beth has been in plan B almost the whole time. Because of plan B we will lose thousands of dollars between our lawyers. Thats too bad, we could have split it. It would have been alot easier to just talk this over and use a paralegal, but no we had to use the plan and some other strange ways to get me back.<BR>For all of you who r thinking of plan b, think about what it will cost in the end. If your WS has no plans of coming back this sure seems kind of strange.

I think it is sad that your wife has to resort to Plan B at all. If you blame her for your financial woes, you are truly twisted. You're sitting there bemoaning the state of your finances when what SHOULD BE the most significant relationship in your life is crumbling. The DIVORCE is to blame for your lack of assets. Your AFFAIR is to blame, not your wife, not your lack of communication.<P>You know, I am sorry for whatever happened between you. I wish that you could both find a way to be happy, but I can't find any sympathy for a guy who insists that his marriage is over without even giving it a try because he has a new honey. You OWE that to her. You OWE that to yourself, any children you have, your families, and to the God who witnessed your vows. <P>You say think about what Plan B will cost in the end. Did you think about what your affair would cost you in the end?<P>Plan B is about finding a way for her to preserve her love for you and regain her dignity. It's not about punishing you. If you view it that way and if she used it that way, you have both misunderstood.<P>As for your comments about not having any plans to return, we have seen your type. You think you have it all figured out, but many of you do return when you are out of the fog. Your wife is just being compassionate by trying to win you back. You think that is strange? SHE LOVES YOU REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU HAVE HURT HER! You should be so lucky to find someone like that.

I am so sorry for your entire family, for the pain that your wife, your children and perhaps you, are going through emotionally. Money can be earned, made, won and lost. Time cannot, once it is gone, there is no way to have it over.<P>I echo Popeye's sentiments.<P>I realize that money is important, I just wish that many many WS had thought of the impact of ALL of their choices, emotionally, financially and responsibly. <P>After all if it was "just about money and not wasting it at the lawyers" and this was the right path for Beth, then I doubt that this route would have been taken by her. No one made her choose the route she took and no one made you choose to have an affair. Each of you are responsible for your behaviour and reactions AND CONSEQUENCES.<P>Perhaps Beth believes that her emotions and her way of dealing with the situation is more important than the "money wasted". <P>I know it would be easier for you if Beth simply accepted what choices you make for YOUR life and enable your decisions by accomodating all your requests and communicating with you as a neutral party, with no emotional involvement in the situation. This is not the case. Beth is dealing with it as is best for her. This you have to accept, as she has had to accept your decisions about the marriage. But that does mean she has to like these, anymore than you like her decisions. <BR>But then that is life....it usually deos not turn out exactly the way you plan and hope for.<P>Perhaps if you can understand where Beth is coming from and not run from her pain, then you can better understand her actions of no contact with you.<P>It also means that perhaps you need to stop "blaming " Beth for everything and for "messing up" your plans for the way you envisioned this mess to unfold.<BR>Just MHO

I echo the sentiments here exactly. I don't think you have any idea of the pain and hurt your wife has experienced because of your affair. Plan B is her protection and is for her, not you. I am also a betrayed spouse and it was almot a year after the divorce was final before I could even look at my ex without becoming physically sick or see images of him with OW. My ex also was more concerned with the finances and not the least bit concerned about my emotional state., and I'm sure your wife senses that. She is doing the best she can for herself right now. You are leaving a marriage you no longer want to be in--everything has a price, so you have to pay if you want to play!!

I absolutely agree. The affair is what cost you the money, not plan b. I will not comment any further because I am a nice person and will NOT GO THERE!!

To Bethn hubby,<BR> I think you are a big jerk. You should be ashamed of yourself for all the pain and suffering you caused Bethn and your family. You are a selfish mean person. You should give her all the money that she wants. You owe it to her. You and your hussy deserve each other. <BR> I hope you live in poverty together forever. I hope you knock her up. Then she'll find another internet loser. And you'll have to pay for her and the brats for the rest of your life. I

I laughed a little when I read your scolding. Did you honestly expect to find any sympathy from anyone on this board?<P>Your heartless attitude, and obvious desire to get out as cheaply as possible is exactly the reason your wife needs an attorney. She needs someone to look out for hers and the children's interests. You won't, and I'm sure her feelings toward you might allow her to be manipulated by you.<P>I predict you will be whining sson about the settlement, and how she is getting more than she deserves. Hmmmm. Maturity level - I would put you at about a sophomore in high school.<P>Time does have a way of correcting many injustices. I expect yours is one of those cases. <P>

how big a set do you have anyway?????!!!!!<BR>i cant believe you are complaining about the <BR>money you have to spend on your divorce. are <BR>you worried that your internet whore wont will go back online looking for another step-<BR>daddy with more money if you actuall have to SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY????? you know what they say- if they do it once, they will certainly do it again!! and i hope that sleazy cyberslut does just that. you are such a loser.

BethN's husband....<P>Where are you? You did this last time you posted. You post and then you just ask a new question on a new post. You never comment back.<P>You sound like my ex. Money, money , money. Well I hope he is happy. I planned B too. Not to "spend" his precious money, but to leave this marriage to perhaps get my dignity and self esteem back. You know....the very thing he took away when he chose a "new" partner and forgot what is really important.<P>You are not thinking clearly. How can you only think about money and how she may not be answering the phone. Your marriage was not about money....it was about family. Well you forgot about the family part so maybe you should do the right thing for your children and give her what is left. Your "old" family deserves it.<P>Nancy

Hello again its me Bethn H.<P>sorry it took so long for me to reply to you all but unlike alot of you that have nothing better to do then sit here and whine and complain i'm working 12 hours a day.<P>You all seemed to miss the point of my post, all i was trying to say was that if Beth would just sit and talk we could save some money that we both r going to need for the future, but no you all took it as me crying because i was going to be broke now. That is the last of my concerns now, i just want to be happy, something thats been missing in my life for some time now.<P>You all seem to think that the only reason i walked out of my house was to walk into the arms of another women, thats not the case at all. As a matter of fact last fall when i told Beth i wanted out there was no other women. See there r two sides to every story here and of course you will never beleive my side because i'm the WS.<P>To you maryjane, who the hell r you to make judgement on the OW in my life now. you don't know anything about her. I suppose just because you couldn't keep your hubby happy and he walked out for something better you just assume the all other women sluts and whores. Your just like alot of the other people here who r narrow minded and ignorant.<P>Seeee yaaaaa<BR>let the beating begin

Beth's H,<P>I'm not going to beat on you...<P>But do realize that <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... isn't about money. It's about her Love Bank... not City Bank.<P>And it <B>most</B> certainly is not about "recognizing/accepting" that " ...(the) WS has no plans of coming back..."<P>The legal world puts a price tag on those things in life which shouldn't have any monetary value at all...<BR>...marriage vows...<BR>...faithfulness...<BR>...honor to faith...<BR>...family unity...<BR>...work at building a relationship (hard work?... yes)...<P>...and yes... the lawyers/legal system (not always alone) squander and devalue it all!<P>My W too, the WS in our case, will not discuss <B>anything</B> with me. The shoe seems to be on the other foot for me...<BR>...and for me... the fight is not for <B>my</B> money...<BR>...it's so my kids can get the college education we (W and I together) had onced hoped for...<BR>...now my W cares less about that education.<BR>...and sees her chance at "personal happiness" (as she calls it) <P>I realize now that "divorce" and it's huge expenses, is a temporal consequence of...<BR><B>infidelity</B> and <B>adultery</B>...<BR>...which are almost always reversable action...<BR>...and are <B>always</B> repentable offenses!<P>Some things in life (and after life) seem to mean more than money though...<P> <P>Jim

for your information, i am not divorced or divorcing at the present time, i find these things interesting, and happen to be here for that reason. my husband has not left me for another woman, or even had an affair, i just feel that any woman who messes around with a married man is wrong. you should have waited until you divorced before you moved in with her-that is my point.as far as working 12 hours a day- were you doing that before you had to support 2 households? i hope you are happy, because i am sure your wife will be much happier and MUCH better off without you! <BR>

Bethn's husband,<P>Yes, I guess you could call me narrow minded and ignorant. I was narrow minded enough to believe in my wedding vows and ignorant enough to believe my ex did too.<P>Sorry to see that your working so many hours.....as a single mother, now taking on the responsibility of being mother and father, heck I just sit on my butt all day. Come one, that great ex hubbie is taking care of everything, I mean he has to, he promised to. LOL<P>I usually am typing on this when the girls are lying in the bed next to my computer. Of course I have to stop every so often to comfort them and listen to them when they feel down and hurt. But hey, that's my problem now isn't it, the ex is gone to find true happiness, the hell with ours.<P>Nancy

To BethN's husband,<P>I won't bash you but I will comment on a few things. Many of the people who are here, are in tremendous pain. Its not that they have "nothing better to do" then to sit on a computer. They are in pain and find peace here. We don't generally make it a point to go around insulting anyone here, although sometimes someone does say something to strike a nerve.<P>We are all here because at one point, we chose to fight and save our marriage. We never said we were perfect in the marriage and as we grow thru this experience, we find that we certainly were not. <P>Many of the people here are still suffering from the fact that their spouse, decided to get up and go have an affair because of what ever reason. Not necessarily because they did something so horrible as a spouse, they deserved such grief. <P>Unfortunately, affair, or no affair, divorce costs big money in this world and the lawyers love people like us who rack up the bill. <P>Plan B is simply a healthy way for Beth to remove herself from such pain and heartache and eventually she'll lose her love for you. You can't put a price on feelings, although I'd say her recovery, affair or no affair, is priceless. If she recovers in a healthy way, it is ultimately best for everyone involved. This is her place for safety and peace.<P>When we see her name as a poster, we check it to check on her. Why not make a name for yourself and post that way instead. I remember this happening awhile back myself.<BR>There are other posters here who are in YOUR shoes too and for the most part, we all can try and help each other here. There are many people here who decided to leave their marriage and this isn't normally such a hostile place.<P>We're all human , we all make mistakes, but ultimately, this is a place for healing and strength, not insults and more injury.<P>To BethN : Thinking of you and hope your ok.<P>Prayers to all,Dana<P>

Changed my mind about what I posted. Served no purpose, no good answer.<p>[This message has been edited by honey.west (edited July 25, 2000).]