Yesterday, she left another message on my machine. First apologizing for her nasty message the night before, then saying she was going to a lawyer to sue me for Divorce because she just wants out.<P>I broke down and called the OM's house for the first time in the 2 weeks she has been gone.<P>Got the machine, and I called her by name and she immediately picked up.<P>She is broke, which I knew she would be as her credit card bill (Dillards card) takes up half her income. So, she cannot afford the lawyer, and OM will not help her. ( In fact she doesnt even have enough money for gas and food till her next pay day, but she didnt ask for money. I know this because I was the budget guy)<P>She was subdued and sounded very sad for the first time. Each answer she gave me took her a long time to give.....usually when she is like this she is severely depressed.<P>Is she sorry for what she has done? or just feeling sorry for herself that she cannot have her way?<P>If we file ourselves non-contested it will only cost $151. She cannot even afford to pay half of it right now. She asked if I can pay it and she will pay me back later. I got irratated and told her that was not exactly fair, as that was not what I had originally even wanted.<P>She then meakely asked "didnt I still want the divorce?" To which I replied, "Have I said any different since I found the journals?" .....long pause......"no"....and I said, "fine, we can work something out"<P>I asked her about taking her cat, and she whisphered that she couldn't talk. and then she said the phone was going dead and it did.<P>AGAIN TODAY.....I laid in bed till now......hurting and crying.....not knowing what to do......<P>I feel guilty about her not having money......and I miss her so badly......God please help me know what to do<P>I have been her caretaker so long......how do I let go of this? her?<P>

I am afraid I can't offer much advise on the issue. I haven't made very good choices in my life, but I can offer to add you to my prayers at night.<P>Let me tell you what I do. When I feel really down, mostly at night, I imagine myself with Jesus and he is wrapping me up in these big comfortable wings and he takes care of me.<P>Immediately I feel at peace and can fall asleep easier.<P>It may sound corny, but I know it works for me. The wings of Jesus are always comforting and are always open.<P>Those wings love you unconditionally, no matter what.<P>