I am having some real trouble with this subject.....and I have been married for 16 years!! You think I would have learned by now...LOL<P>Husband is the leader...got that...but define leader.....my husband seems to think it is the same as controller, dictator, accuser, and boss.....<P>I have trouble with that.....<P>Now I am confused as to what my role as wife should be...should I let him be the dictator, just because he has different body parts?? <P>I guess I also rebel because his idea of providing is bringing home the paycheck...and that's it...we have a leaky roof, we have weathered outlets on the outside of the house....in the past if I asked him to do something around the house his response was....."sure I'll quit my job so that I can stay home and do all the housework for you" I quit asking<P>can anyone give my a good definition of a good husband/good wife??

I'm probably the wrong person to give you advice, because I don't believe that the husband is the "leader". Most likely because the term is so subject to abuse, like what your H is doing.<P>One way around this is to hire someone to do the tasks your husband won't do. If he believes his job is to provide, then, one way or another, he is going to have to pay for it. <P>When he gets home from work, I guess he just plops in front of the TV? If you have kids, that is not an option for you, and you still have to take care of them. However, anything you do for him (i.e. housework, cooking, cleaning, etc.) gets done while he is at work. Anything that is not done by the time he gets home simply doesn't get done that day. Since he got to clock out of his job at 5:00 pm, you get to also. What about weekends? How are they spent? Him out golfing and you at home with the kids? Ok. Hire a babysitter for one day on the weekend so you can have some time for yourself. Your time is valuable too. <P>If you don't currently have the money to do all of this, tell him that, as the provider, it is his job to go make more money since he has decided not to help.

You go Student! Wonderful advice!! You asked what the role is of a good wife/husband? How about taking care of each other and needing each other? Decisions (especially big decisions) are made after discussion. What is so sad is that there are a lot of people out there that treat their co-workers, strangers or their friends better then their own spouse. For me, before I do anything or say anything in regards to my husband I ask myself if I would like to be talked to that way or treated that way. My husband works full-time (so do I) and when we get home neither one of us grab the couch. We cook dinner together, clean up together and then he does work around the outside of the house and I do stuff in the inside. That is if we are not running around with the kids to their activities. When our "work" is done we usually go for a walk together or a bike ride with the kids. If his work is done before mine he helps me finish up so we have time to do fun stuff together. Works both ways. If he ever came home with an attitude like your husband's I would do exactly what student said. I'd hire the help to get the work done.

Could you get an estimate or two on the repairs, give them to him, and ask which one he wants to take or if he would like to do the work next Saturday?