i met my husband in september 1995. we married january '96. i got pregnant 2 months later. i look back and i'm like "what was i thinking?". my husband is generally a good person, but he was never taught about responsibility. he wants everything quick and easy. he wont hold down a job, because he says he is tired of working and being broke all the time. i'm sorry!!! we have 3 kids!!!! how else do we feed them, ya know? anyways, its not just that. we're completely different people. he doesnt have a passionate bone in his body. he barely has a heartbeat!!! its almost like i've been through too much and he hasnt been through enough. he's made some really bad decisions, on several occassions, that have put this family through alot of pain, yet, i continue to allow him back into my life on account of the kids. i dont trust him. he continuously lies... even about things he has no reason to lie about. he's weird like that. i'm so unhappy. i'm torn between my own happiness and whats best for my kids. oh, he doesnt spend all that much time with the kids. i dont understand how a man can sit back and miss out on so much of his childrens lives. can someone tell me if he's going to grow up and make a change for the better? by keeping this marriage together, am i selling myself short? am i sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of my kids? and is that so wrong? thats what parents do, right? i just dont want to give up if it can be fixed and i dont want to hang in there and lead a life of "illcontent". i LOVE being married and i realize that things arent always easy. it takes so much communication to make things work. he just doesnt even TRY. he does something really stupid and i make him leave and after a week or so, i let him come right back. i can say that if he would leave and not try and come back, then it would be sooo easy to give up on this thing, but as long as the father of my children says he wants to be here, then who am i to take the OPPROTUNITY to have a good father away from them just because i dont know if i love him or not? i always let him come back and after a couple of weeks...months, its right back to the same old thing. laying out of work. hanging out with friends. online girlfriends calling the house. attempts at selling drugs. anything to "get rich quick". it has to be a knock down drag out fight just to get him to cut the freaking grass. by the way...we live in a brand new home that was practically GIVEN to us by my father. it seems like he would want to take care of it and make it look nice. no. I'M the one that makes excuses for him and I'M the one who pays the price. HELP!!!!

Sounds like things are tough all the way around. I know what it's like to have it all to do. A lot of us here do. <P>You don't mention having a church home. If you do, talk to your minister. If he can't offer you any counseling, he may know of some other places to which you can turn.<P>There are times when we have to make deal with life's troubles and, at times like those, it's good to have well-trained professional help.<P>Are you sure this man is a good father if he's not carrying any responsibilities at home and he is engaged in illegal activities?

Get him out of there as fast as you possibly can. Get a restraining order if necessary and a Kickout Order from a judge to keep him off the property. You made a very immature and impulsive mistake. Now be grown up and clean it up. Do it for the sake of your kids, if not for your own self-respect.

I was trying to be gentle. If this guy's doing the things you say, you don't need him. If he is being abusive, and my gut instinct says that he is, call the nearest domestic violence program. You don't need this guy and the children don't need the lessons he's demonstrating nor the arguments I bet you're having.<P>You wouldn't be taking away the children's good father.

I have to agree with the other posters...get out.....now....FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS!!!<P>Think about it....you have been with this man for 4 years...3 kids.....shows me what is on his mind...sorry to be so blunt..but you have to face the reality your husband won't....before you have another child!!<P>you have been with him for 4 years...he has lied....he does not work steady.....and he is into illegal activities....why does he keep coming back?? because you let him!! Do you really think he loves you?? You provide a place for him to live and eat and whatever....<P>trust me...I know how hard this is...my husband has been gone a week (I asked him to leave this time, usually he goes on his own) and I have taken him back so many times...when he starts the **I love you business with tears in his eyes** I can't take it anymore.....<P>read Patricia Evans The Verbally Abusive Relationship...and visit the website <A HREF="http://www.drirene.com" TARGET=_blank>www.drirene.com</A> both very helpful....<P>please somehow you must find it within yourself to stand up to this man....file a police report if you have to....just found out there is a victim assistance program here in our state....I am going to get counselling for free!! <P>you must empower yourself.....good luck<BR>

oh and by the way.....being confused is a definite sign that you are being abused.....whether physically or verbally.....take care.....