Ok.....I blew it......I dont think I can do plan A anymore......and I dont think it is working anyway.<P>Tonight....I got online and went to a chat room.....spirituality chat mind you.....just because I was lonely.....and this chic starts pvt me....coming on to me.....wanting me to cyber with her....I FREAK OUT<P>Get offline.......FREAKING......crying....dont want anyone but my stbx......break down and call her at OM's.......ASK her if we can talk......and she says yes......I tell her it is going to sound stupid......she says please talk to me.....all sweet.....so I start telling her.....and I start sobbing....saying I dont know how to handle it...I said, when You left you said you wanted us to be friends....and I need you to talk to me just as a friend....not an ex...and she goes BIZIRCK.......starts screaming at me.....calling me a puss.....says LOOK I AM LIVING WITH ANOTHER MAN>>>>>>GET OVER IT ALREADY>>>><P>I finally hang up on her as she is screaming at me.......<P>I dont think that plan A will work on someone that intent on hurting the other.....I think for my own sanity I may as well give up and go to plan B.......I have already filed for divorce....in 59 days it will be final.....I dont think I can take her back and forth attitude......<P>Help?!?!?!

10021997,<BR>I am not good on advice,look at the position i am in.But we have all been thru so much.You know that you have our empathy,support and prayers.<BR>alone1

Go to Plan B if you must, but never beg. The ws almost always takes that as a signe of weakness and another reason for them not to come back.<P>The ws will not come back until they feel safe and secure with you. That is why Plan A is a must. You must make them feel that you have changed and are not going to throw the affair in their face all the time.<P>The security is that they are coming back to a strong spouse.<P>Why don't you slow the divorce papers down, stop them if you must. You are moving too fast and reacting to your emotions. I know it is hard as I have gone through this. There were many times I wished my lawyer was available on weekends or evenings.<P>But if you want your marriage to survive, you must give her time to come back to reality. You must give Plan A a chance to work. If you find your love dwindling, thats is when you go to Plan B.<P>You have to remain strong. Hang in there.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

Also.....let me put a twist on that one......my ex...before we were divorced would set me up. Talk all sweet....get me crying and then say...call me back in a minute, I need to go to the bathroom or get my laundry out of the dryer at the office or etc.<P>I would get all excited.....still drying, feeling very emotional. I would call him and he would tape tge whole thing.<P>Used it against me in court and custody battle.<P>There are very few like my ex....but you never know.<P>But I do know how you feel. You are just hoping...something you might say will "spark" reality for them and they will come home.<P>I plan A'd until I thought I would explode. In my case...ex said it was fake and that it pushed him away farther. That I was needy and a wimp. But when I would occasionally screw up....I was a wicked B#tch. Couldn't win either way.<P>Good luck<P>Nancy

Thank you for your replies....the support alone means a lot to me right now, as I dont have a good support system here.<P>I think the best thing for me to do is just accept this. No, it is not what I want...but I no longer believe in my heart there is any hope for us. I think last night pretty much opened the wounds too deep.<P>The woman she has become (and suddenly, like overnight) is nothing like she has ever been with me. I do not know what is going on with her and I am not sure I care anymore.<P>I think the best thing for me now is to go to plan B.......because if I don't I am afraid I am going to start saying REALLY ugly things to her.<P>Thanks again<BR>Ben

Ben,<P>God I remember being where you are today. It is the worst. Sorry to hear about all of it.<P>First off, just a friendly reminder to you if your going into chat rooms, no matter what the title, expect that to happen. You have to block your "private IM's" so that your not bothered like that. Its not worth the time and hassle.<P>I plan A'd for a while, before I knew thats what I was doing even. I never did a formal Plan B, I suspect had I done it, he might have come around, but at that point, I gave up and walked away. <P>Try to be strong, don't let her see you down like that, and pray that you find some peace in the near future. Thats all you can do. <P>We all wanted our spouses back at one point. Many of us, changed our minds after we gave it some time, we all still second guess it at times. <P>Try to stay calm and follow the Plan B as best you can, but I can't say that I did it personally.<P>Prayers, Dana<BR>

Ben,<BR>I agree with you that you should let her go. It is too unhealthy for you, almost dangerous. Honey, you need healing and you've got to let it go so you may concentrate on Ben. Start a new life for yourself with a different circle.<P>Don't fall into pattern of begging and humiliating yourself. That only bears resentment. You deserve much more. Cheer up, please. You sound like a wonderful person and there are a lot of other wonderful people that are looking for someone kind and caring like you. Tess