I think it is time to give up.........Plan A cant work when you do not hear from your stbx.<P>I messed up and called her and blew it out of the water last night....I figured she would call today...to chew me out at the least, and she hasnt......the divorce is filed...that is what she wanted.....so now she has no reason at all to contact me.....<P>Should I move onto plan B? <P>I am finding it hard to have anything but feelings of disgust and anger towards her right now........and little hope anymore of reconcilliation.<P>She said the divorce was inevitable...and no sense in dragging it out. She has been "over" us for the past year.<P>Suprise to me! <P>What do you guys think?

Hi there!!<P>You sound completely frustrated and tired.....<P>When we are feeling that way, it is best not to make any big decisions - but to allow ourselves to work through these feelings first.<P>Plan A certainly can be done without much contact....It CAN'T be done with high expectations of immediate results and with you continuing to LoveBust!!!<P>Life is hell right now.....you want it decided immediately because you have discovered how you both can work on things....<P>Problem is your Wife is too confused and wrapped up with this new fantasy life that she feels is going to be so much better than what she had with you.<P>Your job is to do all you can to make yourself MORE appealing than what she has known you to be - for you to reevaluate yourself and make the necessary changes to your own betterment as a person and a husband.<P>She is not going to want to try to work with you when she is convinced that this other "life" is going to be wonderful!!<P>Lovebusting with her on your part....how does that let her see that she is wrong?<P>It hurts, I know it does!!!! It isn't fair, etc.......but it is in your life!!<P>How YOU CHOOSE to proceed will have an impact......not in YOUR timetable though, so lower those expectations a bit!!!!<P>Plan B is for you if you feel that you are losing love.....but make sure to distinguish between reall losing love or just reacting to the turmoil caused by the hurt and impatience you are experiencing.<P>Don't forget that the best effect from Plan B is that it allows your wife to realize what she might miss - if you haven't done a true Plan A and shown her you are the wonderful choice.....what would she be able to miss? A man who is unsure and Lovebusts....<P>I don't think that that is the impression you want to leave her with, is it?<P>You can get through this.....it is the toughest thing that you may ever have to do, but it is certainly doable!!!<P>If you really love her, then decide that you want her and follow the methods provided correctly AND consistantly.<P>You can't do things halfway and without conviction and expect results..even if you do them correctly, there is no timeframe of when you will actually get the results you want. BUT, YOU will have given it your all and that is what you need to do to have a future without regret.<P>BIG HUGS and please try to find a good perspective that allows you to gain some control over your emotions - for your own sake as well as your interactions with her.<P>VENT here.....don't do it with her!!!<P>Sheba

Numbers,<P>It is way too early for you to give up. You have not yet felt the pain that is coming your way. Put your seatbelt on and pull down the bar, the roller coaster ride is just beginning.<P>I am into this crap for 16 months and have just found my true center and have grounded. It takes time, yes, I hate that word now too!<P>Last question, What do you want as the final result? Work towards that goal! You want to call it quits, DO IT! You want to work on the relationship, then roll up your sleeves and get going.<BR><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic