Please help! I am preparing to move away from my husband #2 - due to his physical abuse of my middle child, and his porn addiction and mental,verbal abuse of us all...my problem is this: to stay here would damage the kids so I have to get out of the marriage. I have no family here, I cannot afford to live here on my own...I have full custody of the children, who are from marriage #1. Ex #1 has not seen or attempted to see the kids since Oct - that was a 1 hr visit - and before that June. The last two years he doesn't call or write or try to see the kids - before that he was married to a stripper and the kids were abused at his house. CUrrently #1 is a truck driver and doesn't even have an address. I can move out of state to be near my family where the kids could have alot of love and support and I can afford to live- I have full custody and there is nothing in my divorce papers about moving out of state. I didn't think it would be a problem but reading some posts elsewhere has put the fear in me - what should I do? What CAN I do? HELP ME - I don't want to put my children at risk.<P>------------------<BR>In His Grip - llp

you should never move away from an involved father, but you don't have that. <P>and additionally, you have a good reason to move your children away from the immediate danger of abuse.<P>Don't second guess, your gut feeling is correct, get out of there and back to your family. <P>Certainly you want to inform the children's father of your address and phone number and the reason - not as permission, but "this is where we will be...".<P>Gee, who knows, maybe he will offer to help? I seem to be very optimistic this morning.

Make sure the laws in your state and your final decree do not prohibit your moving out of state. I can provide some URL's if you need to check the statutes.

I know my final decree says nothing about moving or not moving - it certainly is not prohibitive - but I would be interested in seeing the statues if you have the URL's, as I have gotten alot of conflicting advice! <BR><P>------------------<BR>In His Grip - llp

What state do you live in? OMGosh. What a mess. I think that unless #2 adopted your first children, which he couldn't do unless #1's rights were eliminated, he should have no hold on you. GO, quick. Leave dust. Check with "Friend of the Jerk" first, but then go!<P>I've had the dillemma of leaving too, but not for those kind of reasons. In Michigan, he does have the right to stop me - but I've decided I really love it here despite his presence or my ability to afford it. I think you need your family for YOU as well as your kids. It seems to me that when #1 left and has no address, that leaves you free to go where you please.

What state are you in? If you don't want to disclose here, <A HREF="http://www.divorcenet.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorcenet.com</A> has state boards. You can post the question there and someone will be along with an answer. Also, <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody" TARGET=_blank>www.deltabravo.net/custody</A> has a bunch of information on this issue.

I have debated leaving too. I can't because my ex calls his children daily per his attorney's advice so it will be HARDER for me to do this in the future. <P>He is trying to be a good dad and I can't discredit that, he just wasn't a good husband.<P>I would say contact an attorney, many offer a free consultation for an hour. Go to 3 or 4 if you have to, to get the advice for free if you can't afford it.<P>My lawyer said its best to NOT write in a clause about that cause its all the more harder to go against in the end.<P>I don't know that you should just pack up and go for the sake of protecting your custody rights. <P>Good luck and check out that site, its a great one, I used it many times.<BR>Prayers and hugs,Dana<BR>

I am the husband in question and I don't see how advice can be given while only one side is being heard. I refuse to say anything bad about my wife, but counsel should be gotten from our pastor. My wife no longer goes to church and she said she has received counsel to leave, this is the forum she is using as her counsel. I never heard the question asked, " what did your pastor say?"<BR>My pastor thinks the kids should stay with me while my wife gets the help she needs. I think we have to be very careful giving out advice that will effect many lives, especially children's, without hearing both sided. I love her kids and never thought of them as anything but my own. I have never laid a hand on any of the kids and I have never disciplined any of them out of anger. The pornography accusation is unfounded and I will not intertain it. I was somewhere on the internet I shouldn't have been 3 years ago and repented for it.<P>[This message has been edited by BParker (edited July 25, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by BParker (edited July 25, 2000).]

My husband the internet porn king has all kinds of sneaky ways to check the computer - that is how he found out that I have been to this site. As for the church situation, I am not going to that independant church because I have asked my Pastor several times over the past months for help as the H is abusing the kids - nothing was ever done. I love the Lord and continue to serve Him and look forward to finding a loving, Bible-following body to support us as we get away from the pain this man has caused. BTW, NONE of these kids is the current H's.<P>------------------<BR>In His Grip - llp