The number got changed today.......<P>she has been gone 3 weeks today and even though I am on anti depressents, anxiety, and sleeping pills......sometimes I can barely breath.<P>she shows only anger at me........it is all my fault and she doesnt ever even want to talk to me again.<P>went from.....I love you but not in love with you, you will always be my friend....when she left.......to I cannot stand you, and have been over you for a year so get over it!<P>I am all alone in a new small town with no friends on 10 acres by myself and the quiet is driving me nuts.......<P>and even though she has hurt me so bad with the betrayal........her careless words and actions........I miss the "her" that used to be here before she left so badly.....<P>How do you survive the lonliness?<P>Ben

Ben,<BR> I went through the same thing,except my folks live close by.But it was very lonely here when she moved out.The best thing I did was to stay busy.I changed the house around,painted walls,worked on the yard,etc.<BR> When I got tired of that,I went out for walks with the dog to be around people.I've met a lot of new people that way.<BR> Keep busy with some hobbies if you can.In the future,you might think of moving off that 10 acres,to be closer to more people,and places to go.<BR> If you don't have a dog or cat,you might think of getting one.They make great companions,and don't complain much.Play some music,too,it helps with it being too quiet.I know nights are the worse,but you do eventually get used to it.<BR> Coming here,and posting has helped me out.I can vent here instead of to family,and friends.<BR> Things will get better,you'll see.Take care.<P> ~~Murph<P>

Ben,<P>We all know how you feel. Heck, a year after he was gone.....before the divorce, I would actually still look out the kitchen window and expect his car to come down the road.<P>It is really weird. Even though we are divorced now....and he treated myself and the girls like pond scum....I still miss my "old" husband and probably will forever.<P>I heard the lines....I still love you....to....I haven't loved you in years...to....I am so happy now, I never knew what true happiness was.....to....I hate your guts and I'm going to kill you, you F-ing b*tch.<P><BR>I have heard it all.....hurts way less now.....in fact I can actually smile now when I hear those words.....all but the killing part.<P>He is so far out of it. He even admitted to the girls he was having a MLC.<P>You will make it. Take it from a suicidal (1 1/2 years ago) wacked out, "mental" person. You will be ok. I would have never believed I could get past that intense pain...but I did. I still have "not so good days", but for the most part, they are fine.<P>Keep posting, write in a journal, write "unsendable" love letters to her, write "unsendable" hate letters to her. I always hated hearing....just keep busy, but after a while, the depression lifts, life seems bearable and "bam" life goes on.<P>I am so sorry....the pain all of this causes is so needless and selfish.....but most of all.....so damn confusing. Every little thing the WS does, you try to read....see a sign....hope and pray. <P>Just know that there has to be a limit......you still must get on with your life...no matter what. Even though this was not "our" choice, it was a choice made for us.<P>Nancy <BR>

Ben,<P>I haven't a clue as to your story, but I can feel your desperation.<P>You must get out and get involved with some sort of men's group. There surely must be a divorcing group at a church near you. Fellowship with men that have or are walking through the same stuff as me has given me the courage to see the silver lining in my gray clouds.<P>It sounds as if there isn't much hope of reconciliation. So you must accept this. Believe me I know that is a hard-[censored] pill to swallow but it is the first step in the recovery process. The next thing I suggest is to fellowship with others that have walked in your shoes. This will help restore the sanity back in your life, and thirdly I suggest prayer that is if you are a praying man. You are in the care of God whether you know it or not. He will take care of you if you let him.<P>Feel free to e-mail me wconklin@carolina.rr.com I know <B>EXACTLY</B> how you feel. I was in your shoes six months ago.<P>I love you brother,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Everybody here has such good advice. For me, I had to find a way to reconnect with the world outside of my H. He WAS my world for so long. He will always have a piece of my heart, no matter what he said and did.<P>Murphy suggested getting a companion animal, which is what I did. Besides all of the wonderful things animals are, they really do force you to focus on something else alot of the time, if you want to be a good "parent".<P>I also did alot of volunteer work. Not only did I meet some really nice people, but it made me feel like I had a purpose in life and could do something to make someone's life better. After all of the terrible things my ex said to me, I often felt my existence here was pretty insignificant. If you can see the difference just a few hours in someone's day can make, you may not feel quite so alone.<P>The hardest thing for me was late nights, and early mornings. Those times when we used to snuggle, and chit-chat about our day. During those times, I'd try to visualize a beautiful loving being (God, an angel, a loved one, or whomever has the most meaning to you) holding me and telling me that I was special. <P>Take care. I hope coming here helps you.

Ben,<P>I remember all of those stages. SHe may be going through ups and downs in her NEW relationship which affects her opinion of you. I know for a fact, when my ex and his girlfriend are having problems, he is my new best friend. ANd when all is well with them, I am shoved aside. <P>Its hard to let your life be held in someone else's hands like that.<P>You got a lot of GREAT advice, especially connecting with something outside the marriage. Support groups are good. Try a new activity, reconnect to a hobby you USED to do before the marriage and maybe lost site of.<P>It sounds like you still want her back. If that is the case, then you should be learning about Plan A and the marriage builders principles. There are a lot of couples here who have been kind enough to share so much, you can look at them for some inspiration too. If you learn their stories, and see that they are trying AGAIN, it can sometimes be an inspiration.<P>Also, lastly, you mentioned antidepressants, speak to your doctor, they may need to be adjusted.<P>Take one day at a time. If thats too hard, take one hour at a time. If thats too hard, start praying and be close to people that you care for til you get to the next level. <P>And hard as it seems Ben, don't let her see you down so low, begging in any way, beating yourself up too badly. That is one of the most unappealing things to the ws and gives them more justification to what they've done. Be strong in front of her, and wait til she's gone to let your emotions out . It will be better for you in the long run anyhow.<P>Prayers and hugs,Dana<BR>

Ben,<BR>Hi. Nice to know your name. I still read your post every now and then. Sounds as if you're having a down time but overall, are you doing better? Whenever I read your post I always think of your first ones where you were describing your w emotional problems. They were deep and complex. Until she deals with those issues anyone involved with her will ultimately end up with a mass of confusion, pain, and hurt. <P>You, my friend, deserve happiness. Yes, it is lonley but try to focus on the fact that you don't know what or who tomorrow will bring. Are you a christian? If yes, then I'm sure you realize that God knows best for our lives and even though we may feel we know what our lives need, he knows better. Trust him and he will lead you to a peaceful fulfilling life. <P>You concetrate on strengthening yourself. Like I mentioned before....turn off those sad songs. Get involved in some church groups or other groups in your area. Surround yourself with opportunities for other things to develop in your life. Stay focused and abandoned any thoughts of what was and what if.... Good Luck! Tess