<BR>This crap is just ridiculous!!!! My H seems to have forgotten that he has 3 sons. He saw them last week for about 5 minutes because we ran into him at a store. He acted like he just couldn't wait to get away from them. And he told them that he would come and get them for a little while over the weekend. Well, that was for last weekend and sofar, they haven't heard anything. <P>This morning my 8 year old told me he wanted to call his dad. So, I told him the # and he called. Of course, no one answered, they never do. And no, he's not at work. He's a bum who'd rather get unemployment during the summer. Dylan left a message that said "Dad come and get us.", hung up the phone and went running in his room. I went in to talk to him and he was laying on his bed crying. He misses his dad sooo much. Well, that made me start crying, something I haven't done in a long, long time. He sees them about once a month and it doesn't seem to bother him at all. I wonder if he has trouble sleeping at night because he's basically abandoned his kids!!!!!<P>What an A**!!!!!!!!!<P>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P>Sorry to hear that he is being a d*ck. Thats the best way I can describe him. Its one thing for the spouse to walk away from their HUSBAND/WIFE, but to leave the kids behind totally, is about as selfish as he could be.<P>I know the boys are missing dad. Try to keep them as busy as you can. Enroll them in SOMETHING, anything, and at least know that all things happen for a reason. Maybe its best for them to NOT be around him the way he is right now.<P>Just like you can't make the spouse WANT to save the marriage, you can't make him WANT to see his boys. Its HIS LOSS in the end, and one day he'll feel it.<P>Hugs,<BR>Dana<P>PS Sending you mail tonite<BR>

Hey you!<P>I know...I try to keep them busy so that maybe they won't think about it so much. But it is hard, especially when I'm gone so much during the week. I want to do extra things on the weekend, but then I wonder what if he calls. I don't want to give him any reason to think that I'm trying to keep the boys away from him. I'm not. I just don't want to sit at home with the boys waiting for a phone call that more than likely isn't going to come. <P>I even asked Dylan if he wanted to be around the OW. I thought maybe if he did, Bob might see them more often. Dylan said no, and that he just wants to see his daddy. I told him that I would let him and his brothers go to her house if he thought he wanted to. He still said no. It's not that I want them to. She's said some horrible things about me and my boys but they're really hurting and want their father.<P>Maybe it is best that they don't see him now. He's not working and spending most of his time in a bar. I don't want the marriage back but damnit, I want my sons to know that they can count on their father! I'd just like to go kick his A** right now. He's messing with the kids feelings and that pisses me off. <P>Ok, ranting and raving done for now! LOL LOL <P>Hugs,<BR>Mitzi

Hey Mitz,<P>I kinda know what you are going through, I guess at least my x sees the kids, at least on her terms.<P>I quit worrying about her relationship with the kids, that is up to her. If she continues to force om down their throat, sooner or later they will rebel and won't want to see her.<P> My d avoided going over yesterday, by saying since she was going with a friend last night she might as well stay with me till it was time to go. That was 2-3 hrs she could have spent with her mother and I suppose the om. My d also got her friend to stay overnite at the x's too, so she won't be alone with her mother and/or om.<P>I think my d is also learning that her mother can't be counted on. SHe asked me to take her and get her hair down. I said something about doing it when she was at her mothers but she didn't want to wait, so I took her yesterday morning.<P>She will probably find out again tommorrow too. I made d an eye appointment about 2 months ago and asked x if she could take and she said yes. When I reminded her on Fri, she said she had signed up to be on call-in for work. She wasn't sure what she would do if I couldn't take her, which I can't. So I imgaine she will get called in, will drop off the kids and go and probably blow the eye appointment off.<P>What I am trying to say is, you can't be responsible for the relationship between the kids and their father. ONly they can do that. As long as you don't block it, there isn't much you can do.<P>I guess my kids are satisfied in that they she her a little and that seems to be enough for them. They never ask for her or want to call her just to talk.<P>I'm sorry you have to be the one left holding the bag and trying to repair the damage. I agree with who ever said keep the kids busy. X will let you know when he wants the kids again.<P>Hang in there.<P>Bob

Bob,<P>Hi there!<P>I'm better today! LOL I guess all the stress just got to me yesterday. So, I kept myself really busy doing stuff around the house, and I guess I got rid of the stress.<P>I know that I can't make him have a relationship with them, but it does break my heart to see them hurting. It just amazes me when one parent can just walk away and not worry about the kids again. I could never do that. My kids are too important to me.<P>So, I guess I'm stuck being both father and mother if/until he decides to be the dad.<P>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P>A wise friend of mine warned me about getting too much involved with doing stuff to/around the house. He keeps telling me to make sure I find time for myself or I will drive my self crazy from staying home so much.<P>He has been right about %100 of the time for me! So make sure you have time for you.<P>Yea, it is said about out spouses giving up on the kids. I don't know which is worse, your x not wanting to be around or mine showing only minimal interest.<P>Hang in and God Bless,<P>Bob

Mitzi,<BR>Saw your post the other day but was running out the door and didn't have time to respond.<P>Our childrens pain sometimes hurts us more than our own.<P>My ex still shows up about 75% of the time for the girls....but it is for a quick trip to the park and fast food and home again. No real bonding time. They don't actually talk to him.....he just mutters some nasty stuff about me and then they come home.<P>His weekends are spent at the apartment pool. The girls swimming and him either talking on the cell phone or with headphones on listening to CD's.<P>He isn't concerned about their lives unless he needs to find out where "I" went.<P>He does call them on his "scheduled" days, but only to gripe or brag about what he bought for himself.<P>You can only hug your children and listen. I used to make up excuses, but they usually backfired.<P>Now I just let him make the effort. They don't want to anymore. They would rather get on with their "childhood" lives and if he wants to part of it....great....but if not....oh well.<P>They know.....mine did the same thing as your at first. Then he became overly interested and now is back to nothing again.<P>Mitzi,<BR>Your doing a great job. they know that. They hurt, but they will be ok.....because they do understand. When they get older they will understand that dad made these choices......forcing some of these choices on them.<P>But when they become overly involved it also gets you upset too.....because mine wanted to know everything....demanded to know every single thing they did every day. I and the girls could hear the "fakeness" in his voice. When he is talking to the girls and they are telling him something he will actually interupt them to tell them about a commercial or show he is watching on tv. Then turn around and ask them the same question and when they get mad....he jumps down their throats and tells them they are being rude.<P>These men.....when will they wake up.<P>Nancy