I do not understand what the NCP's are complaining about. They have all the power, and none of the responsibility. In my state, it is written into the statute that I can not move out of state without my H's or a judge's permission. He can have any "reasonable" visitation, but is not required to have any if he doesn't want to. Yet at any time in the future he could change his mind. Everything is designed for the convenience of the non-custodial parent. They get all the power, and none of the responsibility. He moved an hour away to live with the OW. He can choose to see the kids only a couple at a time. I will never be able to take a job that requires any travel, any overtime, because he is not willing to "parent" all the younger children at the same time. He is not required to pay for child care, I am. Now that he is unemployed, he is required to pay only a small amount of child support. I still have to pay for child care in order to work, even though he is not working. It matters not that how high his previous income was. It matters not that my career growth was slowed down considerably by raising six children. In this state alimony is rarely awarded when there is child support. It matters not that my income, including child support, is not enough to rent anything within 30 miles of my job and still have enough left over to feed the kids, much less anything else. <BR>

Ahh, this post hit a nerve with me.<P>The original order says that I can move anywhere in the state. So I decide I will drop out of school and move back to our hometown. I give her 6 weeks notice, so that we can work out the parenting plan. So what does she do, in true conflict avoider fashion, has me served one hour before I am to leave, saying that I can't take the kids out of LA county. So I lose a week of work to get this s**t straightened out. And she wonders why I am p**sed at her.<P>And child support. Her wages are garnished, but am I getting anything? Not really. She took a demotion, now has another job where her wages are not garnished. It will cost me more lawyers fees to get this job garnished, which I can't afford. Meanwhile, she can take a week off to go to Cabo, and miss her parenting time with the kids.<P>But she tells the judge, "Oh, please, don't let big, bad Brian take my kids away from me." What a crock!<P>Okay, better stop here before I really get on a rant.

grandpabri2,<P>How far away does she live from where you used to live? <P>Especially when the NCP is the one with the access to money, they seem to be able to call all the shots. If any of the kids were ever in an accident, I would have to end up emailing my H or leaving a message on his cell phone, because the OW would hang up on me, but I can't make any educational or medical decisions without his input. This so obviously has little to do with concern for the kids' well-being on his part, and lots to do with control. The OW does not allow him to spend much time with the kids, so this is apparently the only way he feels that he can have much input into their lives.

When she moved out, she told the judge that she had rented an apartment a coule of miles away. Then moved in with OM 26 miles away. Really a pain in LA traffic to get our son to school on her midweek overnight.<P>I moved down to San Diego. So now we are about 2 hours apart. She brings them down on Wednesday and I take them up on Sunday.<P>Now, because I moved them closer to both of our families, she wants primary custody. Of course, it would be much better for the kids to be in a sh**ty apartment in San Pedro (the armpit of LA county), away from all of their family, than a 4 bedroom house in San Diego, with a 5 star school right across the street. And both sets of grandparents close. Not to mention aunts, uncles, my other kids, etc. What an idiot!<P>There I go again, off on another rant.

Nellie,<BR>Boy do I understand. If I make a big deal about anything he does or actually doesn't do....I am threatened with another custody battle.<P>My ex doesn't even pay full blown child support...because he can't afford it. Yeah right, got a huge promotion 2-3 weeks after divorce was final. The promotion he was suppose to get about 5 months ago...but they held off for the divorce to become final first. (small company) He now makes about 20,000-30,000 more ayear.<P>Doesn't call when HE says he will according to divorce papers.\<BR>Every doctor appointment....school function...church thing.....has to be "approved" by him.<P>Heck....he won't even take them for his "alloted" summer vacation because "I" won't provide "him" with the same child care provider. These are my friends and neighbors that are doing this out of "love" for our children....he will not use them nor will they let him....they have seen him in action and do not like him.<P>My ex does not have to help with child care. He will not help with any of their expenses.....says the reduced child support is more than enough.<P>He is an [censored].<P>Nancy

Hi Nellie, Grandpabri and Mental,<P>This post hit a nerve with me too. I have looked into leaving the state too and it doens't look like it would happen anytime soon. <P>I think that the laws are ridiculous AND the fact that they vary so much by each state. <P>To Grandpabri, long time no see (this is lonelymom). Don't you have a child support enforcement service thru your state? Where we live we have this, its a small fee but you don't actually go thru the lawyer to do this. Even so , we can go back into court for a modification on the support anytime without a lawyer, for something like a job change. <P>Sorry to hear everyone is having such problems this week, must be the curse of the new year because I don't know ANYONE who is having a good time yet.<P>Prayers and hugs, Dana<BR>

Yes, we do have a CS enforcement. But first you have to file a notice of delinquency, wait 30 days, then file the contempt, then get an order for bank accounts and such. She is currently overdrawn on her checking account, so what good does that do?<P>Since I have moved from LA to San Diego counties, I have to wait 6 months to get the venue changed to San Diego. My sister works for the family law facilitator, so I can get this stuff done for very little. But I have 4 more months before I can do that.<P>What a pain.