In our divorce decree ex put that I will have the children at home on Tuesdays and the Saturdays I have them to receive his phone calls. 7 m on Tues. and 10:30 am on Saturdays. First of all.....he doesn't call any of the other days....until today. He also has in there that if he calls that the girls have to call him back within 24 hours.<P>Well the first Tuesday after the divorce....he never called. We waited and waited...but it was Tuesday night and we really didn't have plans. The Saturday thing just burns me up. I can't go anywhere because they have to be at their home for his call. We can't go out of town....early morning garage sales.....shopping....out to breakfast with friends etc. This Saturday (yesterday)....no phone call. I waited until 11:00 am and then we left to go on a "one tank trip" as Indiana calls them. Went hiking in Southern Indiana and shopping at the discount malls.<P>We got home around midnight and I looked on the caller ID and no call at all. Then he calls this afternoon....we were at the county fair. Leaves a nasty message about how it would just be easier if they called him and how he had went out of town yesterday and couldn't call. Remember this is a man that has his cell phone strapped to his [censored] and uses it constantly. Of course we do not have this number....it is only for "important" people....that is what he told his girls.<P>So he calls again....we are still at the fair....with friends.....and says....Nancy, you need to make "my" girls call me and they have 24 hours to do so....or I will see you in court.<P>I am hopping mad.<P>And I know I have no right to be mad....but it upsets me that when he does place his court ordered calls.....it is from a Private Number....either his cell phone, a bar, or his girlfriends house. It bothers me that we have to be here and he can be flitting around. <P>Okay....I know this is stupid.<P>Nancy

Mental,<P>You know this is stupid? Absolutley not! I hope you don't mind me posting here as I am not really at the divorce stage, but I do come here to catch up. <P>Mental, you know I've followed your story, and your control is so admirable to me. The things you have to put up with! You don't have his phone number because it's for important people???? He told your girls this???? OMG. So sad. <P>All I can say is thank God that you are raising those kids and not him. You sound like you are having a blast with them. Hiking and county fairs? Mental, you are a great mom, and they will always remember that. They will also remember their father not even giving them his phone number.<P>Keep up the great work with those girls Mental, and don't let his crap get to you. He does not have a clue what he has given up. I almost feel sorry for him, because one day he'll look up and those girls will be grown up and he'll have missed it all. Meanwhile, they'll have plenty of good memories of you and all the wonderful times you spent with them.<P>You are amazing. allison

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

{{{{{{{{{NANCY}}}}}}}}<P>Nothing like an ex to ruin the weekend AGAIN!<P>I haven't run into this problem because my ex calls here DAILY for his children. He tries to keep a close contact with them. <P>In all honesty, he was very close with them before he left and good to them too. But all these stipulations in the order really stink.<P>I am not divorced yet, will be any day now. <P>Keep up your strength, Dana<BR>

Thanks guys for replying...you didn't have to. I just needed to let off steam and I sure and the heck don't want to do it to him. It would give him a rise, and believe me, he doesn't need anymore pumping.<P>Allison,<P>of course I don't mind you replying. You are always so uplifting in your responces and help me smile when I am down. You give great advice and I hope that one day I can help you.<P>Hanora,<P>you are so logical....everything you seem to say makes complete sense....in fact...everything you say brings it all into perspective. You help keep me grounded.<P>Dana,<P>Sorry to hear about you approaching divorce. Not what any of us had planned when we took our wedding vows. I am so glad that your childrens father has stayed a constant in their lives. It is so tough on the children and when they have 2 parents that work at keeping things as "normal" as they can be, they should be commended.<P>Good luck to all of you.....boy has this been a ride of a lifetime.<P>Nancy

Nancy,<P>Here a few options to consider, but I'm afraid that they cost a touch of money.<P>#1, subscribe to Blocked caller ID rejection. This costs a bit of money, but can be worth it for jerks. <P>#2, subscribe to a cell phone, and call forwarding on the home phone. That way, whenever the X calls home, and you are out, it will be automatically forwarded to your cell phone. No more waiting around. <P>#3, when he does call, hit "NOT IN TIME, DIAL *69", and then it will show up on your bill, unless it is really a local call.<P>that is a few suggestions. And where in the court order does it say you CAN'T use caller ID blocked rejection? You are only protecting yourself! <P>there really is no where to hide in the new electronic world, if you are willing to spend a bit of money.<P>since everything in the decree is negotiable after divorce, except the asset split, use this as a negotiation point if he brings up any changes.<P>keep a log of the calls, and tell him you will wait for only x minutes for him to satisfy his part of the bargain. Remember, as well as your calling back, he has a window to call, and if he doesn't, then he is deficient in his part of the agreement.<BR>Decree doesn't say how long you have to wait around!<P>WARNING! JERK RETALIATION TO FOLLOW! <P>The other part is to return call the next day, always, and you will be in compliance.<BR>23 hours would suffice! But keep a log!<P>hey, anyone can stoop to their level!<P>thl

Nancy:<BR>You are soooo good....<P>How on earth did this ever get into your settlment agreement???? <P>All X is doing is controlling you and your movements, at least at this these "call times" and trying to irritate you and get your knickers in a knot in case you are not home to accept the calls etc etc.<P>Go back to court...or lawyer or whatever,run , do not walk. Agree completely that the girls will call him 2x a week, this is good for them I guess, but DO NOT get yourself tied down at home.<P>Does X have a work #? Clarify that the girls will call him there (since you do not have any other numbers)for the next 3 months 2X a week on set days and will leave messages if he is not there...or even better seek father through receptionist (if there is one...evidence etc!) If this works keep doing it, if not then renegotiate. <P>While you are right X should be calling them, this controls you, so agree with X, let the girls call him...but at times which you, not he controls. You and daughters can then do whatever you want and it takes his control and power away.<P>It also enables your daughters to understand that you are telling them to call father i.e. that you are interested in them keeping the contact with their dad. Good role modelling on your part. They learn from example.<P> <P><BR>

Mental,<P>You did help me. Thank you for replying on my thread. Don't forget us over in General Questions...we need you there too!<P>You are so brave.<P>allison