Alo' all, just got back from visiting my W's family in northwest Indiana....had a great time, kids got to play with their cousins, got some insight and advice (not all good) from her two sisters and her mother. Their biggest claim was that my W had always been selfish as a child and was like that up until she met me; anytime they brought it up when I was around she'd change the subject. Both sisters wondered when that person would resurface....hmmm, I never saw it coming.<P>(btw, she was upset with her sisters and mother for letting me visit; they invited me)<P>My W and the OM are going away on vacation this Saturday for 5 days to some island off Puerto Rico. Her sister told me where they were going while I was visiting, and it was pretty devastating...I'd hoped it was someplace like Akron instead (sorry Bob! )<P>We have never taken a vacation like that...who could with two kids and lots of debt? That was supposed to be OUR vacation someday when the kids were older and she was out of school & working full-time. Ugh...<P>Here I am taking them to visit my family/her family as I do (as we did) every summer, and she's going on a honeymoon. Of course HE can pay for it all, being 31, never married nor hardly ever dated anyone with no social life, and has saved money all these years.<P>It's just really unfair... <P>The kids told me yesterday that she showed them a few houses she's considering in my community; they're five minutes away, probably nicer than what I've got. Sounds like her and the OM are pretty close to buying...<P>Also, I received the paperwork from her lawyer yesterday; it wasn't complete, but I called my lawyer and he said he'd have her fix it ASAP. Should be signing papers soon....<P>In the meantime, I'm just tired and depressed. I can't hold a civilized conversation with her...I feel that I don't love her and I'm either angry or feel absolutely nothing when I see her. She is just an evil person to me...<P>A few weeks ago, our counselor asked, "why do you want her back?". I'm wondering that myself...there's just too much water under the bridge.<P>theo

Theo,<BR>I know what you mean about Akron! LOL<P>My x has been on a cruise, and been to Fl for a week, and is planning to take the kids to the Outer Banks next summer.<P>The cruise and week at the beach were all compliments of om's mother.<P>X must be planning to pay for the vacation herself because she is now working full time one place and is working on-call at another.<P>The cruise and Outer Banks were our dream vacations as well as the Disneyland trip I took the kids on this summer.<P>My x didn't even seem to care I went to her sisters. I think she has pretty much given up on her family. She still speaks to her mother, but not sure about her father. He wasn't too happy with her when she told them about the affair. I think she has only talked to her sister 2 times since last summer. <P>I know how you feel about your stbx, I felt the same way. You need to learn how to get rid of this anger as you don't want this carry over into any other relationships.<P>It also doesn't help in your contact with your stbx. All your anger will do is make things more difficult in your dealings with her.<P><BR>I am speaking from experience here. I very seldom get upset with her now and when I need to discuss things with her I try very hard not to be judgemental or show my anger. I try not to show and emotion when I speak with her.<P>It seems to be having some positive affect. She isn't as stupid as she was before in informing me about her activities. She seems to take me into account a little more than she used to.<P>Hang in there.<P>God Bless<P>Bob <P>p.s. Isn't there someone else from Columbus? I can't remember who it is, can you ?<BR>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<p>[This message has been edited by RWD (edited July 25, 2000).]

hey Bob, I know you're on the same parallel...heck, her family reacts about the same way your W's does. Didn't your W miss the cruise because the OM dumped her right beforehand? Or was this another one?<P> I know I need to work on the anger...I've got some papers the counselor gave me a while back that I need to re-read.<P> isn't 'thl' from Columbus? I remember you mentioning someone that has three initials...<P> p.s., congrats(?) on your court delay...<P>theo<P>

Theo,<P>I was in your situation once. A LONG time ago. My now STBX and I split up for a year. Well he immediately met another woman (we know better, he met her THEN we split up), and they went to Jamaica together. ON MY BIRTHDAY with time off he had planned on with me! Now somehow way back then I was naive and innocent (age 21), and didn't want to waste the five years we had together. Now 11 years later, guess what, he takes his NEW OW on vacation on his birthday on time we took off together. To the same hotel that we reserved, months earlier.<P>I know how it can burn you up sometimes. I remember some of your posts, possibly from the general questions side. Its sad that your wife has chosen such a drastic path from the one that she once was on. There are many women who find it too easy to walk away from their family. <P>Know this, it does get better. Its hard, but it does happen. I too, like Bob, try to maintain an even tone when I speak to STBX (will be ex any day now). I also found that if I show no emotions, or no matter how down I am, I show a "happy" emotion, he seems to respond better. Many times, I have needed a favor and presented it to him in a way that it was for HIS benefit when it was for mine, and he agreed.<P>Thats great that your inlaws welcome you like that. I just got back from my ex inlaws myself and they told me how they STILL love me and I'll always be part of the family. Its nice to know your cared for like that.<P>Hang in there, it gets better, and I am proof of that part!<BR>Dana<BR>

Thanks Dana, sounds like you've been through it twice, eh?<P> I was good at the somewhat happy tone yesterday. It's easier for me to maintain sanity and clarity if she's the one flying off the handle (which she did to a degree yesterday)...<P> I trust that it gets better; the support here, from my family, her family, and friends makes it easier. I need to be thankful for what I have, not bitter for what is lost.<P>theo<P>

Theo,<P>Yes 2 times over and there won't be a third!! <P>I wound up talking to STBX OW for almost an hour today on the phone. Don't ask me how or why, but for some reason I can tolerate her now. I couldn't help but be a little resentful at some of the comments she made BUT ..... I know I will be better off in the long run!!! Hope she doesn't call me one day when he does it to her! <P>Thats a great way to look at it, not being bitter, but being happy. 711 put it a good way yesterday and I think I would agree with her. We are not necessarily mourning the loss of our spouse at this point, but the loss of the marraige and our dreams of the future. <P>I look at it this way, its been 7 months and each day it gets easier. I still have down days, but they are less and less.<P>Sorry to here about the vacations, believe me, I've been there. <P>Dana<BR>

Theo,<BR>There was another cruise in April to make up for the one he dumped her on I guess. I don't know if his mother paid for this one or not but I assume she did. On second thought, I think the one he was supposed to go on last fall caught on fire, so maybe it was a make up.<P>I thought it was thl too, but when I checked his profile, it said Mass.