Guess I knew it was coming but I didn't expect it to be this hard.<P>H EMAILED me to tell me he wanted a divorce and wanted to "get on with his life" - believes himself to be the "marrying kind". I was shocked at his lack of guts to actually confront me face to face and ask for a divorce. Felt pretty worthless.<P>H moved out in March - have been in and out of counseling for 3-1/2 yrs - he keeps quitting when it gets too close to home.<P>Have come to believe that he is a compulsive liar. Sad.<P>I filed for divorce this morning. Feeling pretty okay with it, but when I look at the actual piece of paper it makes me really sad. The marriage certificate 4 years ago looked a heck of a lot more promising.<P>Not really fearful of divorcing - but pretty fearful of a lonely future. He thinks HE'S the "marrying kind" - but so do I. My lawyer is a Christian - really supportive - gave me a lot of reassurance and pats on the back. But I'm still sad.<P>Goin' on vacation next week. Need it bad.<P>Guess my question is this: how long does it take to get through the sadness/emptiness/feeling like the candle got not just blown out, but crushed?<P>Cathy<P>He

<B>dontwannabeadoormat</B>,<P>From you handle... I guess you've read my post ===> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>If you don't want to go the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> or <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> route... (which gives you the time to <B><I>gradually</I></B> work on "get(ting) through the sadness/emptiness/feeling"...<P>...your first efforts need to be on working on your own forgiveness.<P>Check out...<BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A> and <A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A>.<P>and the books...<OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P>I hope these help.<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited July 25, 2000).]

dontwannabeadoormat<P>I am sorry to hear of your situation. You will go through a grieving process as if grieving the death of a loved one. how long varies from person to person, but I have heard the figure of 2 years on average.<P>There is an organization called Fresh Start that is devoted to divorce recovery. The have a lot of good resources and offer seminars around the country. Their web site is at <A HREF="http://freshstartseminars.org" TARGET=_blank>http://freshstartseminars.org</A> . I found the material to be very helpful.<P>You will get better. It takes time. Remember that you are a different person than the last time you were single, so it will feel different. Realize that you are very vunerable so take time to become balanced and grounded again.<P>Regards, Tom