To all of you who have been posting to me. Thank you. Your words of support and encouragement have meant so much to me. This board has been a life line at times.<P>To answer many of your questions, Yes, I still love her. I probably will always have a special place for her in my heart. I pray for her each night to find some peace within. My heart goes out to her still, as I know that even though she is really sick and needs help, that there is a scared little girl in there crying for help.<P>I cannot be the one to help her anymore though. <P>NO....I no longer want her back. Looking back on the past 7 years, I see that my most important emotional needs were never met. I stayed with her because I am a classic caretaker, and I truly thought I could help her. My distance, coldness, and resentment towards her was a buildup of her flat refusal to fullfill or even acknowledge that I had emotional needs.<P>I realize that she is in serious need of counseling. However, intervention on my part at this late date would only put me in danger of her wrath. I do not want my home burned down, or any of my horses killed, and I do not trust her NOT to do any of those things, should I try to forcefully get her help. IE lace her in a hospital.<P>I am very sad at the loss of my "dreams", however, I have come to realize that this was not the W's dream at all. <P>By the way, nothing so far has come of my actions yesterday with the OM, and I don't think it will now.<P>This might be strange to ask you all, but please say a prayer for my Nicole. She is in a really bad place, and though I can no longer help her, nor wish to share her life, I so much want happiness and peace for her.<P>Thank you all.<P>Ben

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by 10021997:<BR><B>To all of you who have been posting to me. Thank you. Your words of support and encouragement have meant so much to me. This board has been a life line at times.<P>To answer many of your questions, Yes, I still love her. I probably will always have a special place for her in my heart. I pray for her each night to find some peace within. My heart goes out to her still, as I know that even though she is really sick and needs help, that there is a scared little girl in there crying for help.<P>I cannot be the one to help her anymore though. <P>NO....I no longer want her back. Looking back on the past 7 years, I see that my most important emotional needs were never met. I stayed with her because I am a classic caretaker, and I truly thought I could help her. My distance, coldness, and resentment towards her was a buildup of her flat refusal to fullfill or even acknowledge that I had emotional needs.<P>I realize that she is in serious need of counseling. However, intervention on my part at this late date would only put me in danger of her wrath. I do not want my home burned down, or any of my horses killed, and I do not trust her NOT to do any of those things, should I try to forcefully get her help. IE lace her in a hospital.<P>I am very sad at the loss of my "dreams", however, I have come to realize that this was not the W's dream at all. <P>By the way, nothing so far has come of my actions yesterday with the OM, and I don't think it will now.<P>This might be strange to ask you all, but please say a prayer for my Nicole. She is in a really bad place, and though I can no longer help her, nor wish to share her life, I so much want happiness and peace for her.<P>Thank you all.<P>Ben</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I can't imagine loving someone and not wanting to be a part of their life. That has to be a difficult place for you. It's akin to unrequeitted love (forgive the misspelling) ... I do admire your ability not to hold a grudge for things gone wrong.<P>I shall whisper a prayer for Nicole per your request.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

Ben,<P>I couldn't have said it better myself! I too, will always care for him in "some way". I see every day, it seems to be less and less. Not so painful. There comes a time when you just know, you tried your best and its time to go on.<P>I do know what its like to have dreams and have your spouse not share them. <P>I'm glad you seem to have calmed down since the last episode in the parking lot! Be prepared there are a lot more ups and downs to come but try to keep whats important to you close to your heart.<P>Saying a prayer for you both, Dana<BR>

Ben,<P>I admire your attitude toward W. I am really trying to forgive, understand and not be angry at her. But the truth is, she tok no mercy on my emotions and I am not able, yet, to forget or forgive that. For the first time since she began this s**t she seems to be weary and she looks it. Truth is that I take some comfort knowing that she is hurting.<P>I hope I can get to where you are someday.<P>Lou

Ben,<BR>Like Lou, AGoodPhrend, Dana said I totally adimire you right now. I am sort of in the same boat here! It is so hard NOT to stay with the person you love and have feelings for, but there is a time and point that I guess enough is enough!!!!<P>In my case signing papers last weekend was so hard, but I knew or though I knew it was the best thing<P>Sorry that it is hard as heck for you, but just hang in there! I will say a prayer for you both!<P>Hang tough!!! <BR>Drew

Ben, <P>Your post touched me as I felt I was the caretaker in our relationship and he did not meet my needs either. The resentment just built upand I shut myself off from him to a certain extent. The love you have for her will die, but it takes time....time and working on yourself. By the way, what kind of horses do you have?? I am a horselover!!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Ben,<BR>You've reached the pinnacle. Deciding it'st he right time to leave your W is the hardest decision for any spouse to make. I've had to make that decisiont twice in my life, and it took me literally years in each marriage to figure out that it just wasn't working. And, even after marriage counseling (not Dr. Hartley, mind you *smile*), that it still wasn't going to work. I just plain used poor judgement in selecting the right guy for me. I'm a very successful woman in every phase of my life, except for love. But I'm working it. I'm 50, and after a lot of soul searching and forgiving myself and self-help books, I know I'm ready for the right one. And I won't settle for less, like I have in the past. It has to do with self-esteem I think. I really admire your willingness to continue to love your W and express it. I still love both my husbands very much, and my association with them has helped me grow stronger in every way. I'm always grateful for those who cross my path. Good luck! Enjoy your horses (*smile*).

By the way, what kind of horses do you have?? I am a horselover!!<P><BR>I have quarter horses. I have had 2 of them 17 years. 1 is 17 and was foaled by my parents, and the other was my roping mare in college. Got her at age of 2. She is really the most faithful female I have had in my life. *laugh*<P>

Ben,<P>Your words sound almost identical to my own thoughts, yet I am not at a point where I can actually say them. My W dropped her bomb on me a mere 6 weeks ago, a true 6 weeks of hell up to this point. I have started therapy on my own and have come to some very real issues about myself. I know now that we weren't meeting each others needs and that we each are in need of our own therapy, but I don't know if she'll ever admit it. I still want to spend the rest of my life with her, but there would have to be some major changes in both of us. I hope that she comes back one day so that I am faced with the decision of taking her back or not. I know the chance of her coming back is remote, but a little faith never hurt.