I came home Sat. nite. Cut my weekend short. I missed Jan and my son was out of sorts. We talked a bit. He has a lot to deal with, poor guy. We both do. This marriage does need major help. But I know with God all things are possible. Baby steps!!! In regards to ALNON, Jade, how would that help? I have been using many of their techniques for yrs, but God showed me that!! I have my friends, church and spiritual life, not to mention books on the subject. Those things are my support group. I mentioned that he should go back to AA and he got very defensive. He has no faith and few friends. Now that's tough! Thanks for the reply and suggestion <p>

Hi. Alanon was just a suggestion. I don;'t know how it would help you on a personal level. Alanon is just a place where others go who have similar problems with experience in how they handled them while living closely with an alcoholic. It isn't just about support but actions and feelings that the spouse/family of the alcoholic go thru due to the behavior of the alcoholic. And the program addresses the co-dependant behavior of the spouse and how to emotionally "release" the alcoholic, learn to not take care of the alcoholic's behavior, cover up for them, and to learn not to manipulate the alcoholic, in other words, focus on oneself. You ARE in a tough situation because 1)He "slips" back into drinking 2)When he is not<br>drinking he is "dry", not recovering or dealing with the stuff that is inside him.3) Doesn't want to go to AA. All your support systems are great, remember, you have the choice to accept or reject anything that people may say here. Alcoholism is a family disease, it affects everyone living with the alcoholic, as you know.My first husband was an alcoholic and went inot recovery and AA after I filed for divorce. Last I heard he was still sober. You might ask yourself why you responded in a defensive manner to the suggestion. What does it trigger in you? Be honest with yourself, are you angry with him because he is not living up to your expectations, not sobering up and dealing with his disease, are you frustrated because anything you do or say, doesn't get into his head? You are tougher then most, and I certainly want to honor that in you. Alcoholism is a disease that can destroy the best of families...and you are hanging in there doing the best you can! I would hope that there are people in your support network that have lived with an alcoholic and know what you go thru on a very personal and intimate level. Not everyone really has a sense of what it could be like. My first marriage was a nightmare with his drinking, he was a violent drunk in his blackouts. I enjoyed the alanon meetings I went to, I felt safe and heard other peoples stories of living with an alcoholic and the things they did to try to control them. It brought HUMOR into the situation. Perhaps your situation is different, I personally didn't find the understanding in church that I did in alanon. My current husband rarely drinks except for special occasions.Nor does his family members. Nice change for sure. JADE

to jade

Jade, thank you for your response. I will pray about ALNON. You are right, the Church is not very supportive or knowlegeable on the issue of alcoholism. They have not dealt w/it w/ compassion or insight for the familes involved as well. Sounds like from the post I have read that you have had it very tough in that dept. I was the naive one for marrying an alcohlic in the first place. Now I am living w/ the consequences. Yet God used those circumstances to save me! So I am greatful that I am a Christian and God used those means to show himself to me. <p>I have been invited to a womens support group/ "bible study" for women in crisis. I am giving this marriage another shot. As far as my expectations of this marriage? Well, God showed thru talking out my problem w/ a counselor, that you can't chase a dead man. I am going on that word and seeking Christ instead. <br>God Bless. Polly<p><p>