I am not sure if I am in the right forum, but here goes. My marriage was saved by both Dr. Harley's books and counseling. I was the betrayer. This is why I am here. My parents are considering divorce after many years of marriage. While this marriage has never been what one would call happy, they have managed to hold it together until now. Because I was the betrayer in my marriage, I know the signs. I believe my mother is in a relationship with the pastor of her church. The worst part of it for me is my Dad is the associate pastor. My mother is exhibiting all the signs I myself exhibited before discovery. I guess my question is: My dad is willing to do whatever it takes to save this marriage. Am I in the right to confront my mother? I have already written her a letter telling her of my concern. I just want to know that they did everything they could to save it before they end it. All of the behaviors my mom is exhibiting are totally out of character for her. I feel this man (who is a professional counselor as well) is manipulating my mom and taking advantage of her vulnerable state! Am I making a mistake?

I would talk to her but not in a "confrontational" way. You know what you went through & what you can comne out of it with ( a better marriage).<P>Also, if the pastor is a professional counselor & was counseling her, he <B>WILL</B> lose his license if it gets out. Doesn't matter what the outcome of their relationship or the marriage is.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

{imadeit},<P>Excellent question...<P>My take on it comes from my own couseling experience/advice I got directly from Steve Harley.<P>He stated that as the Faithful Spouse(FS)... there was little to nothing I could do to "teach" my Wayward Spouse(WS) wife(W) about the "wrongness" of her infidelity...<BR>That I would have to rely on others to remind my W of what she was doing... the immorality ...the huge steps away from God and faith... she was taking.<P>So...<BR>You <B>can be</B> the "other" person to tell your mom... what your dad won't be able to say.<P>Don't beat her down...<BR>...but you and other's in your family... and her friends... can provide an atmosphere that clarifies (the fog) the inevitable temporal consequences of her actions.<P>Prayers...<P> <P>Jim

imadeit,<P>If I may make a suggestion. There seems to be several people on this board in situations that involve religious leaders. Robino, who posts, in the "General Question" section is married to a minister and had an affair. <P>If you post to her there she may be able to give you some advice. Her H also has posted, but I cannot recall his name at the moment.<P>I suspect that Robino "Robin" may be able to give you some guidence. There is another poster who has a friend , a minister, who is having an affair. You might get some advice there as well.<P>Hope this helps.<P>JL