This is the first time I could get online to give you all an update. Like I said you aren't going to believe this at all!!!<P>Things have been happening fast and furious around here. So I will try to remember everything. On July 19 the day before the divorce, Jim calls me at 10 PM from work. The first thing he said was it too late. I answered I don't know. He wanted to come home! He wanted me to meet him after he got off work!. I said I would meet him and talk. He didn't get off till 1 AM. I had a lot of thinking to do. I talked to my daughter and I did a lot of praying. When I met with him he wanted to come home. I told him that I was going through with the divorce as I needed to protect myself. I told him that I had a 7 month commitment to my friend that I did not want to get out of. ( THe apartment lease). I said that he had to also see a counselor and that we would then decide what to do at the end of seven months to have the judge cdeclare the divorce decree null or to keep the divorce. He agreed to this. <P>I then took him to OW's house. She had gone home early from work and was asleep, he got a lot of his stuff out before she woke up. Of course there was a scene but I was outside so I really don't know what happened but when he brought a load of stuff out, she locked the door.<P>The next morning he quit his job and told me that he was going to find another one in Texas!. <P>Thursday we both went to court and the hearing was held in the judge's chambers. So now I am divorced!<P>We then worked on packing the rest of the house. Friday the rental truck was loaded and He left with his sister, and our son to go back to his parent's house. <P>Saturday I left for Texas. Sunday night he came down to Texas and we spent the week together doing a lot of talking and working on his resume. Our daughter and her family came down for three days and we all went to Six Flags. He got reaquainted with his grandchildren. He left today to go back to our house to try to get more of his stuff and to clean the house and take care of the yard.<P>The Ow has been emailing him constantly he has let me read most of it before he deletes it some of it I don't really care to read and he tells me what she wrote. <P>I told him, before he left, that for the first time in a very long time he seemed like the man I had married.<P>We still have a very long way to go and I am not really sure how I feel. We have done a lot of talking but he still need to be seeing a counselor to get himself really straightened out.<P>I have been in limbo for so long that I feel that I really need to have sometime for me for a change. I have changed a lot and I am not the same person I was two years ago. I need to check out htis new me and find out what I really want.<P>We have agreed to date. I am not sure he understands that there is a possibility that I would go out with someone else if I wnted to, <P>I am weaning myself off of the paxil. I feel that a lot of my emotions are being held in check by it and it is hard to tell how I really feel. I will be spending the next seen months finding out who I am and I hope he will be doing the same. <P>I know there is a chance that he could find someone else and there is a chance that I could too. But right now I have to take the chance. I never want to go through the pain that I have gone through the last year and a half. I have to be absolutely sure of him and of me!<P>Thanks for all your support and prayers.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

di,<P>All I can say right now is WOW...I'll right more later.<P>Love ya,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

GOOD JOB GAL!!!!!!!<P>You keep that chin up! Things are looking up for ya!<P>You just need to pray and pray. <P>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Di, <P>Wow!!!! You take whatever time the two of you need.....figure this out...this could be the start of a new and wonderful relationship....just be sure he is sincere and it is what YOU want...<P>We are all thinking and praying for you!!!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Well, well, well.......(smiling smugly! )<P>You keep doing what's right for you, Hon. But I can't say that I'm surprised. Then again, you knew that!<P>Luv ya!<P>Lori

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 05:17 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Di,<P>Please take this as an outsider...<BR>...not as the friend I feel we are and can remain.<P>First off...<BR>...I'm gald your move to Texas is going well<BR>...and your new job will lead you to some satisfaction with your life.<P>My prayers for you continue!<P>Now...<BR>About you and Jim...<BR>...I think going through with the divorce is a decision you had to do...<P>...I think having him commit to start counseling is great too...<P>...weaning yourself off Paxil could be good... but as you start a new job... you may have your stress levels increased too high... and hurt any chance at reconciliation.<P>...now about "I know there is a chance that he could find someone else <B>and there is a chance that I could too</B>"...<BR>...I can see you heading down the road <B>Guard</B> and <B>Lor(Lor)</B> took...<P>If you really want to give reconciliation a chance...<BR>If you really don't want to have a pain worse that of Jim's infidelity again...<BR>...avoid that possibility by not buying into that "I(di) would go out with someone else if I wnted to" mentality.<P>I know... it's not fair...<BR>...if he could do it?... right?<P>Talk to Lor...<BR>...get her e-mail...<BR>...learn from her...<P>I don't mean this to be judgmental...<P>I mean to share what I've seen of others...<BR>...that you don't get hurt.<P>Prayers...<P>...still my friend?... <P>Jim

Thanks everyone for your smiles and prayers.<P>Dear Jim, yes we are still friends. The problem right now is I don't really know what I want to do or how I really feel. I have thought a lot about whether to go off the paxil right now. The problems are I have so much trouble getting up in the mornings and it takes a while to get started. I can't have that when school starts, I need to be wide awake and sharp every day. Also the paxil has taken way some feelings. I feel very numb. There is no real excitement about anything of course there is no pain either. Maybe I am emotionally drained at this point I don't know but I know the lack of emotion didn't start till I had been on paxil for awhile. <BR>If I have problems I can always go back on it but the stress of school is something I am use to and know how to deal with.<P>Right now I am not sure how I feel about my xH. No that isn't right I don't feel anything for him right now! That is why I want to stop the paxil I need to know if it is the paxil or whether my love for him is gone. That isn't right either I do love him but I am not sure I want to be maried to him. The funny thing is there is no pain either and I do need to deal with that. <BR>Jim, don't get me wrong I am not going out looking for a man to date, I am very picky! I have asked God to help me to do the right things. I am open to him and where he leads me and if he leads me to someone else besides my xh well?!?!<P>I need the next seven months to find out what I really want and so does my xh. ANd if it is God's plan for us to be together again then that will be what happens!<BR>Love Ya!

Hang in there, Diana. You're doing GREAT!! Yes, you need some time for you. To decompress. To find yourself again. Keep in touch.

di<P>It's great your H stopped relationship with OW. I know what you mean about your feeling.. I'm on paxil too, I don't feel pain and it helps to think things clearly.<BR>I love my H but I don't know if I want to be married with him. I guess I got used to live alone <BR>And I think I will be fine(we don't have kids)<P>di, I have been praying for you and your update really made me happy.<P>I don't know what's going to happen to you and your H, but I hope you find happiness <P>Meg

{{{{{{{{{DI}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Sending lots of hugs and lots of prayers. Wishing you the best as you go into the start of recovery. <P>Dana<BR>

Diana, <P>I can't believe this! I have not checked in here in several weeks and WOW I was surprised to see this! <P>All I can say is that God is leading and directing your life. You know this, so listen to the cues in you r heart and surely you will be lead down the path of what is right and the best for you.<P>I sincerely hope and pray that you and Jim can find the necessary resources - internally and externally - to help you restore your marriage and actually even build a better one. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Best of luck with the new job!!!!!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>